Help - I'm a mess :(

SpagBol

flis21 wrote: »

It's early years teaching, I doubt many people want 'tutors' for 4 year olds!! Also then I have the problem of what I do with my own children while I do it, the childminding works so well cos I don't have to find childcare for them. Thanks for the idea tho.

Do you have grammar schools near you? If so you could offer school pick up, home cooked tea and 11+ tutoring or practice papers, I hear they start from year 2 or 3 in some areas :eek:. Or if you have two or more kids say you'll do some paired or guided reading or guarantee you'll listen to them read for ten minutes, as a working mum the big worry for my kids at primary age is did I listen to them read enough?

pw1210

hi flis, really wish you the best of luck with everything.

just a couple of things. did you have ppi on any of your debts, if so have you tried reclaiming. this could be the first thing to do. if you havent tried reclaiming, i would suggest you do, even if you do not think they would pay you. it would cost you the price of a stamp DO NOT USE THE COMPANIES ON TV. they only do the same as what you could do and would take a chunk out of any repayment.

re smoking, I smoked for over 20 years. I used the gum to pack in, got hooked on the gum and used patches to get me off the gum. saddo i know, but the important thing is to find something what works for YOU. I packed in because i wanted to not because i felt it was something i should do.

re sky, consider cancelling but use the box as a free to air box, basically the kids would still think theyve got sky but that the service has gone downhill, a little white lie but at least you wont look like the bad guy. alternatively get a sky go account set up for your laptop. perhaps friends or family could help out here.

flis21

Morning,

I really am so grateful for the advice and positive comments, I really am feeling a bit better about the situation, even though I know it will be a long hard slog I feel like I can do it now! To be honest I've been looking at my debts and a couple of them haven't even contacted me since 2005!!! I think that means they have written them off (hopefully). So maybe the picture is not quite as bleak!!

I've found and joined my local freecycle group and put a post on for kids clothes. Will also keep checking it to see if anyone puts on anything useful. I have cancelled my son's moshi monsters account (which is £5 a month). haven't told him yet, but there is still plenty of things you can do on moshi monsters without being a member. he has the sticker book as well, but I'm going to explain to him that he can have 1 packet of stickers a week (they're 50p) on a Saturday if he's been good!

Their shoes worry me, I know my Mum has said she could always help out with shoes, but I've never liked to ask before. Perhaps if she's willing she could buy 1 pair and me the other when they need them! I do go to clarks for their shoes at the mo. So the shoes are about £30 each (much more than I spend on my shoes!!). I might try getting their feet measured in clarks and then buy their shoes on the internet to see if that makes it any cheaper.

Sky - well I phoned them and the answer I got is no I can't cancel. i explained that i was having money troubles, but they said the contract runs until Sept and the only way I can get out of it is to pay the full amount i would have paid now!! Which is about £200!!! They weren't sympathetic or helpful in any way. I will talk to debt advisor about it to see if there's anything I can do, but I think it will have to stay until Sept.

I am going to give myself a grocery budget of £50 per week, the kids will have to do without some of their treats, but to be honest it'll probably be healthier for them!! I do have bits in the cupboard and freezer so the first couple of weeks I'm hoping won't be too hard.

Glasgow - seriously £350 a month!!! He earns around £23k!!! I will ask him again about perhaps raising my money. He did say he'd try to give me a bit more when eldest starts school in Sept to help with school clothes, but knowing him that would be an extra £5 a month!!

Am going to look at cancelling the extra insurance on the fridge and washing machine. I want to keep the extra on the tumble dryer as I've had to use it 4 times already and I dread to imagine what the cost of an engineer is if I have to pay it myself. But cancelling the other 2 will reduce my other insurance to around £7.50 from the £21 that it is at the moment.

Regarding the childminding £3.75 an hour is about average for this area (most are between £3.50 and £4). I could consider raising my charges for new parents to £4 per hour, as this is the top end of what is charged.

I have had some good news tho, there is an inset day at school a week on Monday and I've been asked to have 3 children all day, so that will be about £90 extra. I am sure I will be criticised, but I'm going to use £47.50 of it to pay off our holiday and the rest can go towards my debt. I still really want to take my kids on holiday and that is all that is left to pay. Won't need much spending money when we're there as breakfast and dinner and entertainment is included, so only lunches and drinks. I will look at buying some squash and taking the kids cups and a bottle for me, so i don't have to pay much on drinks either! I know this is probably justifying again but I'm going to be taking so many of the kids treats away and our holiday is such a special family time I really want to still do it, just make it as cheap as possible!

I am trying to tackle as much of this as possible, thank you again for all your advice and support.

flis xx

mooomin

You're not getting yourself in further debt to pay the holiday AND are going to have the same amount again (almost!) to pay to your debts? :T:T

We have a holiday every year that I get in the Travelodge sale - this year it's three nights in York for less than £50 I use my Tesco vouchers to buy vouchers for restaurants, so it normally costs less than £150 in cash (including the petrol) I love a cheap holiday!

tabby_cats_mum

I think this is a really nice thread, it is everything this site is about. You are obviously making loads of effort in the face of adversity, all with good humour and you are getting loads of help and advice.
You obviously need a holiday and you've been sensible about paying for it so just go and enjoy.
With regards to the CSA my ex was paying me regularly, a fair amount, I had to use the CSA as I needed proof of income and they upped the amount he gave me. His answer was to leave his job and go to university therefore I was entitled to zilch!! I'm sure other people will have better stories to tell you.
I'm subscribing to your thread, good luck.

glasgowsaver2011

http://www.csacalculator.dsdni.gov.uk/calc.asp

here is the official CSA caluclator.

I would normally suggest kepping it nice, but why should you

Let the csa take the money from his employer and pay to you

Why should you and the kids suffer to fund his gambling

You are doing well though keep it up

=booboo=

Just want to say Keep up all of the good work, it will get easier...

Was really pleased to see you on the stopping smoking Diary.. It will make a huge difference (to you, not just your finances), so good luck and remember, you can do this!.

SteffieLou

Hi Flis

I'm a newbie too although I've been lurking on and off for a while.

Well done for how far you've come already, keep up the good work

I agree about doing without the tumble dryer. The weather's improving now so you should be okay to dry on the line. I bought an electric airer from Lakeland (although it did cost around £50!!!) which cost around the same as a light bulb to run. Still not ideal but cheaper than the dryer. My house is quite cool and we don't have enough radiators to dry a load of clothes for all of us (2 adults, 2 kids) quick enough that they don't start to smell fusty. Maybe, if that would work for you, you could try eBay or Freecycle to see if anyone has one. Like I said, not ideal as it still costs on the electric but not as much.

As others have said, 'downshifting' on your groceries is a great way to reduce your shopping bill but do make sure you check the price and don't always assume an 'owm brand' is cheaper. When we were shopping last week, my husband automatically reached for own brand cat food thinking it would save money but then I pointed out that a premium brand pack was actually cheaper, he'd not bothered to check the labels, just made an assumption. I was always check the 'price per 100g' etc, just to make sure. We used to buy milk in 6 pint cartons thinking it cost less overall but a 4-pinter is actually less per 100 ml so cheaper to buy those instead of the bigger ones (I hope that makes sense!!)

I'd agree about using your qualifications as a selling point in your childminding adverts, I'd have loved to had my kids looked after by someone who could offer the benefits of early years teaching too. Is it possible for you to go back to work perhaps somewhere that offers a discount on childcare for your own kids? My local nursery has creche upstairs and many of the teachers put their own kids in there whilst they went to work. Although they still had to pay for childcare, it still worked out they had more money coming in every month than if they worked part time/from home and didn't have childcare to pay for.

None of my suggestions may work for you and I'm sure there are some more experienced MSers out there that will correct me if they think I'm giving bad advice, but these are just some little things that have worked for me personally.

It's great that you're so positive, just remember though, if something doesn't go as you planned, it's just a blip so don't let that demotivate you.

Keep going :T

mfmaybe

Hi Flis, I have subscribed to your thread so I can keep an eye out, and add my support. Lots of good advice on here already, but what I really wanted to comment on was how well you are taking it, and how ready you seem to deal with this. You've made amazing inroads already, albeit I am a bit shocked at Sky:eek: I might be tempted to call again, see if a different person gives you a different answer, and if not ask to speak to their supervisor (again and again as necessary) and use the phrase "extreme financial hardship".

I also second the suggestion of ditching the tumble dryer. Admittedly we don't have children, but my OH and I are both sporty (muddy, outdoor sports) and we do at least 1 or more loads a day. We have a tumble dryer but literally never use it, we use an air-dryer as suggested. It takes a few minutes more to hang it, but you will soon get used to it. You could then save on the insurance, and the electricity.

Good luck - I know you can do it!:T

RAS

flis21 wrote: »

Thanks all and I just wanted to mention that my ex is giving me £150 for the kids a month (that's what the 'other income' is on my SOA). I know he won't give me any more, in fact he's always asking to borrow off me (but I have got tough and started saying no now, after my best friend had a go at me about lending him money!!).

You mention in various places that a lot of your debt is from paying off your ex's gambling debts? Well now it is time for him to pay you back.

Do get advice as to whether the debts are debts of the marriage.

If he has been workign continuosly, he may be paying an IPA - some money each month towards his debts. That is reduced if he is paying maintenance, so it might be wise to find out how much he claims to pay you?