Help - I'm a mess :(

determined_new_ms

flis just read your whole thread and wanted to say power to you, you are doing amazing! Really won't be long until your debts start getting smaller and smaller - clearly you've got the bug! Having been a single parent I totally know how hard that can be in itself let alone with having to deal with debts. You sound like such a strong and resourceful woman, your children are very lucky to have a mum like you x

MyLastFiver

When I read your first few posts I was very shocked. You've been leaving your children longer in their nappies but still managing to find the money for cigarettes? :eek:

Anyhow it appears that the penny is dropping and congratulations for giving up smoking, however there are still areas of your spending that leave me open-mouthed. I earn twice the national average wage and have no debts, but I still can't justify the expense of Sky TV. And yes, I have two children. Please say you will drop this like a stone when your contract comes to an end. I hate my glasses too, but would rather wear them and put the spare cash into savings for my children, rather than have the considerable and expensive luxury of disposable contact lenses. Can you really, really not make do with your glasses for the time being?

At present, your children are going to grow up in poverty in order to pay your ex-husband's gambling debts. Despite the fact that he is keeping your children in poverty by not paying his fair share, you are still going on holiday with him. Aaah that's lovely.

Get. The. CSA. On. His. Ar5e.

Your benefits are there to support you in raising your children, not to pay the gambling debts of some irresponsible loser.

skipsmum

MyLastFiver wrote: »

I hate my glasses too, but would rather wear them and put the spare cash into savings for my children, rather than have the considerable and expensive luxury of disposable contact lenses. Can you really, really not make do with your glasses for the time being?

The OPs husband has left her to bring up two small kids with a load of debt. This must be a huge knock to her self esteem, and it will be far better for her and the kids if she feels confident and attractive. I do think somethings can be got rid of (sky tv) but some things are important to everyones wellbeing.

MyLastFiver

skipsmum wrote: »

The OPs husband has left her to bring up two small kids with a load of debt. This must be a huge knock to her self esteem, and it will be far better for her and the kids if she feels confident and attractive. I do think somethings can be got rid of (sky tv) but some things are important to everyones wellbeing.

Yes, well, as long as she feels attractive. That's the main thing.

arsenalbarnie

MyLastFiver wrote: »

When I read your first few posts I was very shocked. You've been leaving your children longer in their nappies but still managing to find the money for cigarettes? :eek:

Anyhow it appears that the penny is dropping and congratulations for giving up smoking, however there are still areas of your spending that leave me open-mouthed. I earn twice the national average wage and have no debts, but I still can't justify the expense of Sky TV. And yes, I have two children. Please say you will drop this like a stone when your contract comes to an end. I hate my glasses too, but would rather wear them and put the spare cash into savings for my children, rather than have the considerable and expensive luxury of disposable contact lenses. Can you really, really not make do with your glasses for the time being?

At present, your children are going to grow up in poverty in order to pay your ex-husband's gambling debts. Despite the fact that he is keeping your children in poverty by not paying his fair share, you are still going on holiday with him. Aaah that's lovely.

Get. The. CSA. On. His. Ar5e.

Your benefits are there to support you in raising your children, not to pay the gambling debts of some irresponsible loser.

With comments like that she will be smoking again in no time. Obviously tact is not one of your best attributes.

flis21

Maysie - Thank you so much for that. I have looked into setting up a website, but it seemed so complicated and expensive!! Will have a good look at the site you suggested tonight when boys are in bed!

Thank you Sugarcube and Determined New Miss for your positive comments. I am starting to feel better about the situation now I have kind of admitted to myself how bad it got. And making the changes haven't been too hard for the most part. The smoking is prob the hardest. And sometimes my DS1 really doesn't want to walk and moans like hell about not getting the bus, but hey the exercise is good for him!!!

My last Fiver - I see some of the other peeps have responded to your comments on my behalf. I will not try to justify my previous behaviour. I agree it seems ridiculous to be spending money on cigs and not buying more nappies for my son, altho it never really seemed like an either/or thing.

I am intending to give up Sky in September when my contract runs out. I have called them and tried to get out of the contract, but they won't let me unless I pay the next 8 months worth in front, which seems stupid as I'd just be throwing the money away. I might as well keep it until Sept then give it up then.

I have been wearing contacts since I was 19, they do boost my confidence and help me to feel positive, which I really need at the moment. I have compromised by dropping down from the expensive £30 a month ones to cheaper £13 a month ones, which is a hell of a saving. I do work (and am trying to get more work) and I don't spend much money on myself, most of it goes on my kids. It's not so much about the 'attractiveness' and more about my self confidence and esteem. To quit smoking and pay off all these debts I am going to need to keep myself positive. So I am going to keep getting these. I know that you might not agree with this, but that is how I feel.

I am still going on holiday with him, as that is important to my children. I try to put them first in everything (and yes that probably means that I have over-indulged them in the past), but I think a family holiday is important for them. Tbh if it wasn't for the kids I'd never see my ex again. But I am trying to be mature and keep a good amicable relationship with him for the sake of my children. It is a hard situation to be in and I'm trying to do the best I can. He does give me money every month towards their upkeep and sees them every other weekend. I am happy with this situation and if I get the CSA involved I don't think the animosity this brings will help mine or the boys relationship with him. If he wasn't giving me any money or seeing the boys then I would go down the route you suggested but for now I am happy with how things are. I am no longer giving / lending him money when he asks which was something I repeatedly did last year and it took a lot for me to say no to him, but I've done it and managed to keep things on a good footing after that.

Anyway, thank you everyone else for your positive comments and acknowledgement of the hard work I've done already. i know I have a lot more to do, but I'm going to keep working at it.

Flis x

Angry_Bear

Just wanted to give you a huge congrats on the smoking. From personal experience I didn't notice it getting easier until after week 2, then it gradually got better and better. So don't worry if it still feels like an uphill struggle - stick with it and you'll feel better soon

P.S. As someone above said, the difference in the tone of your posts through the thread is amazing - you sound much more positive now :T.

flis21

Thank you angry bear, am glad you said that. Had a really good day yesterday, but have been struggling a bit more today. But just using my inhalator more on the days I'm struggling and remind myself why I'm doing this!

And I do feel different about the whole situation now. I think facing up to it has really helped. I was just burying my head in the sand before and ignoring it, but it was always there in the back of my mind as a big worry. Now I know I am dealing with it and can cope I feel a lot different about it all. I know it won't be easy and I'm sure I will slip up and have bad days (like the fish n chips!!) but I know I can do it. I've always been quite determined and when I set my mind to something I don't give up easily!

Thanks, Flis x

markdebby

mylastfiver, you seem to be rude in all your posts to people. This is suppose to be a helpful forum.

flis21

Woohoo, ok just a quick post, but I've just done my food shopping online, menu planned the week so I've only bought what I needed and downgraded on everything (got mostly value stuff now!) and my shopping is £28.43!!!! OMG, I never thought I could do a weeks shop for that! Ok I am still using a lot of stuff up from the cupboards and freezer, but still I am pretty impressed. Small victories and all that. x