Kids - Pocket Money, Friends and Birthdays - Who Pays?

Ex-Spendaholic

Just wondering what other people do in relation to their kids wanting presents for friends birthdays?

Son is nearly 13. In primary school, the etiquette was that if a friend was having a party and son was invited, then a present was bought (paid for by me) and that was that.

Fast forward to now. Very few parties but loads of friends. Sometimes the odd house party. Son thinks that all his "best friends" of which there are about 20, I kid you not :eek: should have gifts. Its coming round to that period of the year when they all seem to fall Jan-July so I thought I'd get a handle on things. What do people do? Do parents buy the gifts? Do the kids buy them? Do people not bother?

Son at the moment gets the following from us:

£10 per week pocket money - this is paid into is bank account and he withdraws from it when there is something in particular he wants to buy - ridiculously priced clothes etc. TBH, he rarely touches the money.

£19 per week for 2 music lessons :eek:

£5 on a Saturday for his dinner at McDs or somewhere with his mates. Im happy to give him this as we have a takeaway on a Saturday anyway and it would cost us £5 for his.

£15 per month for his phone

£10 per week for school dinners

So I dont think we are tight with him.

He has a paper round which pays him £13 per week. He uses some of that for whatever he is doing at the weekend - cinema, bowling etc. His pocket money used to pay for that but that is now banked as stated above. I feel its important for him to have a job to understand the value of money. He does generally have a surplus from the paper round and he would save that too.

For his pocket money, he is expected to walk and feed the dogs, keep his room tidy and occasionally help out with other stuff when needed eg vacuuming, going to the shop for milk etc.

So to get to the point. If he wants to buy gifts for friends should he fund that or should I? I've just ordered a £20 item online for his "girlfriend's" :eek: birthday in February. Much as I think thats a ridiculous amount for a child his age to be spending I am secretly pleased that he chose to buy it now as it was in Jack Wills sale and reduced from £59 :beer:

So he said I've £14 in my room which I'll give you and you can either take the rest from my account or I'll give it to you on Friday when I get paid. . I'm pleased he said that but feel a bit guilty at the same time as I know that friends without paper rounds would be looking to their parents to fund this.

Opinions???


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shellsuit

My children would pay for their friend's gifts out of their own money.

Why should I fund their gifts, when I don't even buy my friends birthday gifts?

If your son wants them to have a gift, let him pay!

mountainofdebt

Personally I would now introduce him to the concept of buying his own pressie.

otherwise how is he going to learn the art of budgeting? He will soon choose which friends he buys for and which he doesn't.

what his mates' parents agree with their off spring is no concern of yours.

glitter03

I don't really see what the problem is.

Your son obviously doesn't expect you to pay for his girlfriend's gift as he has already stated that he will repay you

Money_maker

Can't see why they cant do 'token' gifts such as a giant bar of choccy. I would be shocked if my 12 year old bought or received £59 worth of clothing (whatever it cost to actually buy).

Do all the others splash out too? Suggest you rein this in by letting him pay.

roadiegirl

I used to buy a few close friends a present, which I would save up for and would generally be around the £10 mark including wrapping paper/cards etc. Other than that I used to go down the route of a giant bar of choccy from poundland/iou notes for silly things (one happy meal at a time of your choice, popcorn at the cinemas etc), or we used to all club our money together, about £2/3 each and get the person one thing they really would like, and between 10-15 of us this soon added up, is this something you could suggest to his son and his friends?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Mine buys her mates' presents (and pretty much everything else that she wants, as opposed to needs) out of her pocket money that she only gets due to helping with chores, no strops and halfway sensible reports from school. The whole point of giving up 1/3 of the maintenance chucked at me by her father is that it is her decision how to spend it, budget it, save it. It's the portion I would have spent on her entertainment/non essential stuff anyway, so it's not going anywhere different, she just has some control over money prior to leaving home.

On the money your DS gets, I'd be telling her to buy her own school uniform and shoes, too.

ciderwithrosie_2

Definitely fund it himself - lads don't tend to buy each other presents - pint down the pub when they're older maybe, so he may stop doing it soon. Girlfriends are a different matter though!

Sambucus_Nigra

So he gets about £236 per month given to him and earns £52 a month.

How is he going to fund all these presents out of this - what is he going to drop to be able to buy his friends presents...is what I'd be asking him.

Over 6/7 months, that's 3 ish each month...so he needs to allocate £30 or £60 a month depending on how much he wants to spend.

Over to him to do the sums....

Lunar_Eclipse

Ex-Spendaholic wrote: »

If he wants to buy gifts for friends should he fund that or should I?

I think it's entirely up to you and there is no right answer. I'm going to comment and then read other replies.

It sounds like he has enough money to fund the gifts himself, but I can see the flip side that you used to fund them, so why the change?

I would be starting this by asking myself what his £10/week pocket money is for? I'm undecided about birthday gifts for friends, but would definitely expect him to fund a weekend lunch out of it instead of giving him another £5. Alternatively, accept that you actually give him £15/week, which is seriously loads, with additional income on top.

Unless you reduce his income (which is psychologically negative), I'd be inclined to say he self funds the gifts since he has a very high income for a child in Y8. I've read here on MSE that most people have their allowance stopped when they get a job.

My daughter in Y7 has just moved from £3/week to £20/month pocket money. That covers most things: a swim with friends, lunch out etc. I'm not expecting her to be out socialising every week where money is needed.

As an aside, could he eat out with friends and join the family takeaway meal on Saturdays? Presumably one is a lunch meal and the other dinner? I'm curious as to what he does for dinner when you have the takeaway? Or maybe he's in bed already.

Lunar_Eclipse

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

So he gets about £236 per month given to him and earns £52 a month.

That's a lot of money. I'm now wondering what kind of family environment we're talking about? It seems to be a ludicrous amount of money for a 12 year old to be getting every month, unless the family income (and spending) of his parents is extremely high, in which case it's probably in line with his family circumstances.

None of the kids I know in private school have that much income every month, although admittedly I only know the pocket money arrangements of a dozen or so.