Kids - Pocket Money, Friends and Birthdays - Who Pays?

Lunar_Eclipse

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Does he buy Christmas/birthday presents for family members out of his own money?

Mine do. Normally small gifts c £3/4 so they spend about a month's pocket money on all their gifts (for immediate family only) which I think feels about right. This year however they both spent about £12 on my gift alone which is a month's income each on just my gift. Very generous and without debt (!) but definitely too much given their income. They saved and wanted to though, I kept saying a bar of chocolate or a mag would be plenty. Sweet kids!

Blue_Elephant

is it me or have half the people who responded not noticed that the child has no expectation that OP should pay, it's a hypothetical question from the OP?

And OP - sounds like he's learnt plenty from you regarding money already! you've done a fab job

And he isn't "getting" £250 odd a month. Parents pay for music lessons etc for their kids, it's partly educational, partly to do with teaching perseverance and other wonderful qualities and partly, yes, fun. Not sure too many kids would be funding violin lessons out of their pocket money though..

And if he was entitled to free school dinners, we wouldn't be sat here counting that as "pocket money" either - what's the difference?

Oh and let him pay - he *wants* to. That shows independence and maturity right there. I remember how proud I was the first time I bought someone a present out of my *own* money. He doesn't want parent to step in and *help*

KiKi

He gets £92 per month in pocket money and his paper round.

He's TWELVE. And he gets £92 a month. I'm actually surprised you give him £40 a month and then wonder if he should buy his own presents. Yes, he should with that amount of money. He doesn't need to buy food, he doesn't need to buy basic clothes, so the money goes...where?

If you're going to give him £40 a month to spend, then he should take the responsibility that goes with that.

KiKi

Ex-Spendaholic

I dont think it would have been fair for him to start a paper round (where he delivers papers in all weathers, without complaint and it is his choice) for me to say hey you are now earning money so Im giving you nothing as pocket money. He is just a child. What incentive would that have been to stick with the job?

Yes at Christmas he did buy presents for a load of friends and us. All from the pound shop. All the mates did this. He did self fund it. It just seems to be different at birthdays. I have suggested that next Christmas they do a secret santa instead.

With regard to where does the pocket money go, it goes in the bank. He withdrew from it recently when his phone totally died and bought himself a new one. He will withdraw again when he is going on a school trip. If he wants to buy clothes that he doesnt actually need then he will use some of that too.

silvercar

If his friends are all buying each other expensive birthday presents, who is funding them?

I can see how difficult it would be for him if they all buy presents and he can only afford a card.

Lunar_Eclipse

Ex-Spendaholic wrote: »

I dont think it would have been fair for him to start a paper round (where he delivers papers in all weathers, without complaint and it is his choice) for me to say hey you are now earning money so Im giving you nothing as pocket money. He is just a child. What incentive would that have been to stick with the job?

I totally agree with you. Although along the he's just a child lines, does it not impact on his homework/sport/bedtime?

The question then becomes what is he expected, if anything, to do with his income. Music lessons and school lunch are not part of his income, but I would include pocket money, the £5 you give him on Saturday and mobile money within an allowance so that he can start making choices and budgeting. Currently, you give him £80/month across these 3 areas and he then earns an extra £13/week doing his paper round. Do you know how that compares to his peers? (I'm personally curious now, wondering what could be just around the corner ...)

I think special friends aside, where you might want to chip in some additional money, I would let him fund his friends gifts from this level of income. Alternatively, you might want to let him take responsibility for buying his toiletries and/or school supplies (we should have shares in typex and ink erasers, but maybe that's more a girl thing!) I think he clearly wants to have bought his girlfriend's birthday present (very personal and thoughtful) so I'd let him.

What do you think about it?

Ex-Spendaholic

The paper round doesn't impact on schooling/other activities, if it did I wouldn't allow it. It takes about 20-30 minutes per day. He does it on his bike so there is a bit of exercise thrown in. :rotfl: He is a very active child and always doing something. Sitting around watching TV is not his thing at all.

In truth he is not expected to do anything with the pocket money. He used to get it and it paid for his cinema/swimming/skating or whatever he was doing at the weekends. When he started the job, I decided he should still have it. He has a bank card for the account but has given it to me to look after (his choice).

The friends seem to have endless supplies of money and none of them have any paper round or anything so I'm not sure how they are funded. I will say though that many of them have separated parents so they are getting pocket money from all angles so maybe that is the difference, I don't know.

I have to say that he is very good at using vouchers for McDs, Burgerking etc and is always on the look out for a deal. I've trained him well. :rotfl:

Having read everyone's thoughts, I now believe he should fund friend's gifts. He had never made an issue of this and never expected me to pay, I just wondered if I was being mean .....

glitter03

I think he sounds very sensible and don't think you have a problem

KiKi

Ex-Spendaholic wrote: »

I dont think it would have been fair for him to start a paper round (where he delivers papers in all weathers, without complaint and it is his choice) for me to say hey you are now earning money so Im giving you nothing as pocket money. He is just a child. What incentive would that have been to stick with the job?

Completely agree that that was the right thing to do.

My point is that he is twelve and has £92 a month. That's a LOT of money for, as you say, a 'child', who isn't even a teenager yet. So the question is, should he pay for presents? With that money, yes he should, is my opinion.

KiKi