Big difference in earnings - does this matter?

anxious_mum

OP, when you are in a family gathering, just make sure to pat him on the head occasionally and say 'oh, he is so good in the house' or something like that. JUST JOKING!

bill_creative

Thanks so much for the replies - it's fascinating how much empathy you can get from strangers - 100% of the responses so far agree that there isn't a problem and yet at least 50% of my friends and family have commented on him not working more. I don't even discuss our financial affairs with anyone, but they know he is most often at home, not working... Maybe I do need to be even more ambiguous about our set up as Iristhedragon suggests - but it sometimes feels like I'm being forced into leading a *secret* life.

My parents are retired business owners and we often discuss finance/investment options etc so the subject of respective incomes sometimes does come up. I massively appreciate the value of their experience, so I don't want to cut that out altogether either. Funnily enough, although my Dad earn't a large share of their income, my Mum has always managed the finances and given him 'pocket money' each week - she still does

I have had more than one "friend" comment that he is just with me for my money... which does wonders for your confidence (not), even though my head knows full well that is b*llocks.

@ Doodot, I love my work, I would probably work more if I could.

@Anxious_mum - as hilarious as that idea is (it did make me chuckle) I also try really hard not to ever make my husband feel emasculated for not earning more. I discuss all financial decisions with him (unless it's declaring how much my handbag cost). My last relationship broke up because my boyf could not and would not accept me earning more than him, I don't want the to happen with this one

Well, as I said, I appreciate your thoughts. It's interesting to see that not one person thinks it is a problem - maybe MSEers are just a more liberal lot!

Lotus-eater

The only thing that maybe you could think about, is him coming and taking some pressure off you at work. Obviously I don't know what your business is, so it might not be applicable.

But no, my OH earns far far more than I do now and I stay at home and look after the kids (I'm male) not one person has really commented at all in a negative way.

Errata

The only thing that matters is both of you being happy and content with your situation. You have what every woman who often works 100 hours a week prays for - a 'wife'. Cherish him.

Lotus-eater

Errata wrote: »

The only thing that matters is both of you being happy and content with your situation. You have what every woman who often works 100 hours a week prays for - a 'wife'. Cherish him.

That seems so condescending, I hope you didn't mean it that way.

Surely a man can do the same job, without having to be called a "wife"

anxious_mum

bill_creative, you are obviously a lovely lady with the ability to earn lots of money, so just keep doing it, and don't let anyone tell you that you are going wrong. If you love your husband who cares if he earns less than you? I don't, I think you are fab :-) Just don't let the 'others' make you feel bad, it's got nowt to do with them!

doodoot

OP, if he was just after your money then he would not be doing ANYTHING that resembles housework...believe on this!

In fact, he would do nothing at all that vaguely resembles work of any description - this is from experience.

If anyone says anything again, ask them if you were a man would they slag off your wife for making sure the home is nice and for doing the shopping.

Stereotype lovers really wind me up. :mad:

When my OH was a full time student and I was working I was always getting comments and raised eyebrows, yet those voices went very quiet when we swapped over. ..idiots.:rotfl:

VfM4meplse

Errata wrote: »

The only thing that matters is both of you being happy and content with your situation. You have what every woman who often works 100 hours a week prays for - a 'wife'. Cherish him.

Is he though? Does he run around after you, attending to your every need?

Your arrangement suits you atm, what happens when you have to cut back your hours should you plan a family and wish to be the one to SAH?

I have to say your financial arrangements wouldn't suit me, purely because my unwavering image of a man is that of dominance in financial rather than domestic matters (although I am skilled at both). I don't want to have to wear the pants, that's what a man is for.

bill_creative

Lotus-eater wrote: »

The only thing that maybe you could think about, is him coming and taking some pressure off you at work. Obviously I don't know what your business is, so it might not be applicable.

I'm a designer. He is actually a WAY better artist than me and we have tried this a couple of times... however me being his "boss" and having to tell him what to do doesn't sit brilliantly with him (we're as stubborn as each other). I don't blame him, I would probably be the same - but we are working on how to make this work better, it is a good idea. He has taught himself how to use a programme that I can't (be bother to learn how to) use, so he is doing some of that instead of me paying a contractor. We (he) have just finished converting our cellar into a studio space (man cave ) for him, so he will have more free time to work on this more.

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Is he though? Does he run around after you, attending to your every need?

Your arrangement suits you atm, what happens when you have to cut back your hours should you plan a family and wish to be the one to SAH?

I have to say your financial arrangements wouldn't suit me, purely because my unwavering image of a man is that of dominance in financial rather than domestic matters (although I am skilled at both). I don't want to have to wear the pants, that's what a man is for.

Well, no VfM, he's not a lap dog - but he is great at doing whatever needs doing.

I don't want kids and I can't imagine never working, so I don't know why I would want to change things too much. I have good insurance cover in case the worst happens and I can't work.

Your last comment is most fascinating - Why is your belief that men should be financially dominant? Physiologically we are different, yes - but why would that make me any less able to earn money? I don't wear pants btw, I like skirts better

anxious_mum

I agree, pants (trousers) are made to be unisex, who said they have to be worn by the men? Old, worn out ideas coming out here