DMP & Mutual Support Thread - Part 8

poppy52

I'll let you know when I hear from Payplan - they are currently negotiating full and final figures for me but it's taking a long time.

ben80

Evening all. Not been on for a while, been away with family (the "in-laws"). I've had a read of everyone's ups and downs - glad to see there's more 'ups' than downs, but wish everyone well.

I've had a bit of a chat with the other half and told him all about my debt problems all the way back from day one, I recounted it blow by blow and did my best to explain myself as to why sometimes I "don't want" to go out, how I never seem to have money etc. He had a fairly good idea but didn't want to pressure me. At the end of it, he turned out to be quite annoyed. Annoyed that I didn't tell him. I think he found it hard to see my point of view - I was pretty sure he would run a mile if he ever found out. It turns out he was annoyed because he said "he would've taken care of it" - that was also part of the reason I said nothing - these are my debts and I am going to sort them. Eventually, he got the gist of what I was feeling and now he knows - he knows why I'm insisting on buying this posh car (because I can and will save up all by myself, using no credit), he knows why I don't want to get a house for 3+years (defaults) etc.

Things are now a little tense... I say "things" when I really mean "me" - he's fine, hasn't changed his feelings or the way he's acting. It's all in my head.

A few interesting revelations - he has lots of 0% credit card debt to pay (taken on debts from a family member to help them out) - not in danger of defaults etc, it's manageable and under control, but he finds he hasn't got a lot at the end of every month - like me! And it will take a few years to clear before he's ready to save for a house (like me) so that's good.

Also, he said he's been in jewellers looking at rings! BLOODY HELL! Whenever I'd mentioned anything more permanent, he'd always said "eff off!" (I kind of accepted that because of his religious upbringing - he needed more time to get his head round it, I thought) but it seems it was an act!
We're going to hold off a while to wait and see the outcome of this marriage consultation - whether it will continue to be exclusive or change to become inclusive - then we'll go from there. So anyway, YAY!

Time_to_face_the_music

Wow Ben80, you have been busy!

Well done on sharing this with OH :T

And it sounds like congratulations may be in order soon too ....:smileyhea

Hopelessly_Hopeful

ben80 wrote: »

Evening all. Not been on for a while, been away with family (the "in-laws"). I've had a read of everyone's ups and downs - glad to see there's more 'ups' than downs, but wish everyone well.

I've had a bit of a chat with the other half and told him all about my debt problems all the way back from day one, I recounted it blow by blow and did my best to explain myself as to why sometimes I "don't want" to go out, how I never seem to have money etc. He had a fairly good idea but didn't want to pressure me. At the end of it, he turned out to be quite annoyed. Annoyed that I didn't tell him. I think he found it hard to see my point of view - I was pretty sure he would run a mile if he ever found out. It turns out he was annoyed because he said "he would've taken care of it" - that was also part of the reason I said nothing - these are my debts and I am going to sort them. Eventually, he got the gist of what I was feeling and now he knows - he knows why I'm insisting on buying this posh car (because I can and will save up all by myself, using no credit), he knows why I don't want to get a house for 3+years (defaults) etc.

Things are now a little tense... I say "things" when I really mean "me" - he's fine, hasn't changed his feelings or the way he's acting. It's all in my head.

A few interesting revelations - he has lots of 0% credit card debt to pay (taken on debts from a family member to help them out) - not in danger of defaults etc, it's manageable and under control, but he finds he hasn't got a lot at the end of every month - like me! And it will take a few years to clear before he's ready to save for a house (like me) so that's good.

Also, he said he's been in jewellers looking at rings! BLOODY HELL! Whenever I'd mentioned anything more permanent, he'd always said "eff off!" (I kind of accepted that because of his religious upbringing - he needed more time to get his head round it, I thought) but it seems it was an act!
We're going to hold off a while to wait and see the outcome of this marriage consultation - whether it will continue to be exclusive or change to become inclusive - then we'll go from there. So anyway, YAY!

Congratulations, the future looks bright, more black and less red!!!

HHx

Grand_Benders

Congrats on bringing it out in the open, Ben. I've found that when my OH and I started talking about stuff like this, we became closer. We both hadn't really realised how far in the carp we both were.

One of the offshoots of this and our LBM is we've decided, since we are already linked financially on credit reports because of a 'bills' joint current account, the mortgage and now have a joint DMP, that our entire household income will become that - the household. One joint current account, one joint savings account, and everything in or out belongs to both of us. We no longer have any financial 'hidey-holes' that things can get lost in, like credit cards, etc.

We already had our Civil Partnership in 2006, and we've been joint owners of our last 3 houses, so it's not like this was a major comittment that we hadn't already contemplated, but it has somehow made it feel more... permanent. That probably sounds a bit daft, but it feels different (in a good way).

Anyway, I'm glad you've managed to move a step closer to that. You just have to make some mental adjustments, especially if he's been fine with it and you think residual issues are yours! You'll get there.

And congrats on the big news too, when it comes. :T

Shall we all start saving up for (virtual) hats? :rotfl:

ben80

Thanks guys! Whatever issues I have Grand Benders are totally my own, and they're fading fast! You know those awful people that over-think situations until it's totally distorted in their head... yeah that's me! Though I don't do it very often.

We're not financially linked at all... though we have a joint account for the household bills etc. (I've checked all 3 CRA's and there's not record). When we got it, I wasn't aware of the implications, so I guess I'm lucky we're not linked. Once my credit file is a bit healthier, we'll be linked - the usual, house and the rest. But it all takes time! And money.

Now, back to it, who has a time machine so we can all get our bloody DMP's finished quicker.

.. Either that or the phone number of those Euromillions winners!

lindann_2

we owe payplan just under £100. it will be paid next month we going through our second full and final figures, l believe payplan will ask each creditor, if they will accept a reduce figure.. Which is not huge amount, fingers cross, it been going since 2003. long time. good luck to all

Tigsmom

ailz95 wrote: »

I expect that someone has already told you this (I'm just catching up with my reading) but you can use any Post Office to pay money into or get money out of the Co-op. We have an account with the Co-op and have never been near a branch.

Cheers

Thanks. We finally got sorted with nationwide though. They seem ok so far (apart from being a little slow). I'm struggling with their internet banking though after using HSBC. It's a bit basic and takes a few days for payments to show on my account whereas HSBC were almost instant. Mind you, if I was sticking to my budget rigidly and drawing out money and putting it in envelopes in my cashbox I wouldn't have that problem. I'm not quite in 'the zone' yet with it being school holidays and our DMP not starting until September. We have been frugal-ish but still splashed out on the odd treat which we wouldn't have spent if we weren't on holiday. Next month is the real test. I'm a bit nervous not having anything to fall back on but on paper it works out so fingers crossed!

Growurown

ben80 wrote: »

I've had a bit of a chat with the other half and told him all about my debt problems

Also, he said he's been in jewellers looking at rings!

Glad he was understanding Ben80 and let us know how the marriage consultation works out:D

Grandbenders - Virtual hats, brilliant idea:T

lindann wrote: »

we owe payplan just under £100. it will be paid next month we going through our second full and final figures, l believe payplan will ask each creditor, if they will accept a reduce figure.. Which is not huge amount, fingers cross, it been going since 2003. long time. good luck to all

Well done lindann, gosh 2003 that is a long time, what are you going to do when you are debt free?

Tigsmom wrote: »

Mind you, if I was sticking to my budget rigidly and drawing out money and putting it in envelopes in my cashbox I wouldn't have that problem.

I'm a bit nervous not having anything to fall back on but on paper it works out so fingers crossed!

I was thinking about the envelope system too. On paper I should be putting money by for things like the car tax but it just gets spent so when the car tax is due we are scraping around to get the money together. I thought maybe working with the 'cash only system' might mean we don't spend what we shouldn't.

I was also worried about not having enough to fall back on when access to all the credit stopped, but have to say that it hasn't really been a problem.

ben80

Oh my god! I totally missed the hat comment. Yes, get hats! I'm going to have to think of colour schemes etc. And none of you are allowed to steal my thunder or else!! :rotfl: