C.B.T appt. and I can't go!!

Mysecret

I'm a long standing member on here with over 6,000 posts and 25,000 plus thanks, but I have a dark secret. I have OCD and depression and I can't cope.

I went to the doctors in November. Can't even go near my kids in case I 'contaminate' them. Wash hands 60 plus times a day and red raw. Make money working from home because I can't go near the public.

Due to the severity I was put on a high dose of AD, and had a rushed appt with a Mental Health Team.

They wanted to start CBT tomorrow, something I've prayed about for years, as it is on the NHS and would have cost me a fortune privately. My wife [STRIKE]is[/STRIKE] was going with me. But I can't go. I hate hospitals and clinics and I can't go. Even the Doctor and Mental Health Team had to visit me at home, so how can they expect me to go.

I do venture out in the car, but usually sit in the car, whilst my wife and kids go shopping. I hate myself for this. My Doctor has done so much to get me to the 'front' of the queue. My wife is at her wits end with me.

I feel like driving off. I know I'll have a panic attack as soon as I pull up outside the hospital.

Help Please.

Mysecret

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

what help do you want from us? we cant do anything. you either go or you dont. but judging by your language and your unnecessary description of your 'other account' im pretty sure youre a WUM.

What's a WUM?

TamVilla80

I'm sure they are used to it and know how you feel, you won't be the first person they see who has felt the same way. Have you got a phone number for them, can you phone them in the morning and they might be able to suggest something (maybe meeting you in the carpark?!)

You have done a really hard bit already - I know it sounds cheesy but just admitting you have a problem and dealing with it is a really huge step so good on you!

dirtysexymonkey

Mysecret wrote: »

What's a WUM?

youre definitely not a long term member.

next time try something without as much detail upfront, especially inflammatory crap.

Mysecret

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

youre definitely not a long term member.

next time try something without as much detail upfront, especially inflammatory crap.

Oh believe me I am. I don't frequent this board as often as some of the others. I tend to help those financially, as that is one of my expertise.

I have read some of your drivel before though, I assure you.

belfastgirl23

I know exactly what you're talking about, having suffered from panic attacks in the past myself. And there's nothing anyone can say logically to help you.

The only thing I can say to you is that for me the big thing about panic attacks was that someone might notice and I'd be hugely embarrassed, look foolish etc etc. But this is the one place where you can absolutely and openly have a panic attack. I'm not saying that this makes the symptoms feel any better at all obviously but what I'm wondering is can you think something along the lines of 'I may have a panic attack but so what?'. I know how hard this is. But maybe it's about trying to shift your thinking on it even a little. I also find that breaking it down into smaller actions helps. As in OK now I'm getting in the car but I'm just getting in the car. Now I'm driving but I'm just driving. Now I'm going in the door but that's all I have to do right now.

On a purely practical point, do you have anything you could do to keep your mind just busy enough. My trigger for panic attacks is planes so I always bring suduku - for me it's just the right amount of engagement, it keeps the mind busy but doesn't take the concentration that a book would take. For you it might be a game on your mobile phone or something. This can help to distract. DH also knows not to get into too much of a discussion or distract me but just to let me switch off in my own way. Also again on a purely practical level, I have found Rescue Remedy to be very effective. They have little pastilles now if the dropper seems too obvious. This is the link in case you aren't familiar with them http://www.boots.com/en/Bach-Rescue-Pastilles-50g_42284/?CAWELAID=334496766&cm_mmc=Shopping%20Engines-_-Google%20Base-_---_-Bach%20Rescue%20Pastilles%20%2050g And you can put them in a cough sweets box if the packaging is a bit too obvious.

Visualising can also help - I know it's too much to hope that you can visualise going in feeling calm, but can you focus on how you will feel coming out - light headed with relief and pure unadulterated joy.

Sometimes alas all you can do is screw your courage up to sticking point. Just think, it might be the hardest thing you'll ever do in your life. But if you do the hardest thing, you don't ever have to be scared of that again.

I will be rooting for you.

cte1111

Where is your appointment? Is it possible to have it somewhere less 'scary'? I had CBT appointments at my doctors or at the health clinic, I found these easier to attend than at a hospital.

It's hard starting treatment. I suggest you take it one step at a time, e.g. the first step is getting in the car with your wife tomorrow, the second is going out for a drive - you've done this before so hopefully can do that step. Third step is sitting in the car in the car park of where you are going. Fourth step is pretty scary, but try some breathing techniques / chanting / whatever works for you and try and get out of the car with your wife supporting you. Then slowly make your way to where the appointment is.

Good luck, take plenty of time and just think of the next step not the whole process. You know why you need to do this and how it will help you ultimately so try and focus on the goal, e.g. being able to take your kids to the park (or whatever similar goal you want).

belfastgirl23

and I just got what I WUM is but I didn't ever hear it before TBH I don't care if you're a long standing member or not, your post rings pretty true to me as a person who has suffered panic attacks myself.

barbiedoll

So...the worst thing is going and having a panic attack? Then go and deal with the panic attack there. You know how to deal with them, take a paper bag with you and just go.

Nothing will change if you keep finding excuses to avoid treatment. As you said, this is a great opportunity and you are extremely lucky to be able to access CBT at such short notice, don't waste your good fortune. This is just a first step, if you don't take it, you may not get another chance.

Don't let your life, and that of your family, be ruled any longer by this awful condition. Take the help offered, get your @rse in gear and just go!

Oh, and good luck

savingmummy

I have OCD and attend CBT. It hasn`t helped me in the past but it has recently so YOU MUST go.
All i can advise is for you to call and explain this to the cbt and ask for a member of staff to meet and greet you so to speak.

I have my sessions at a local clinic as i find it better for me personally.

Good luck and hope it helps you.

Must add no need to be ashamed or embarrassed, there is so many people suffering too.

Spirit_2

Hi

I had CBT for a year sometime ago. I had become quite aggraphobic (but had lots of ways of hiding it) and was unknowingly clinically depressed.

The highlights were/are:

I stuck with it for a good few months when I thought it was pointless and 'felt' like stopping it.

I finally accepted that I was depressed (called it "had a lower mood") as I just did not want to own up to it, accepted anti-depressants for a period... and guess what....they helped too.

I never told a soul other than my OH as I felt so ashamed, but am older and wiser now and happy to use my own admission to make it more acceptable for others.

I have kept up my career and am reasonably successful and well paid.

My family life which was very supportive, is something I contribute more to, rather than being passive and disinterested.

Go for it!