Son to pay board

r2d2c3p0

I really don't like the idea of charging your own to family to live with you.

I resented it when my parents tried to do that to me years ago and I still would.

If anything try and demonstrate to your son what financial freedom and fiscal responsibility might mean for him vs. wittering away all of his earnings.

You should encourage him to save this money. If you insist on taking money use it as savings for his future.

anamenottaken

Ask your son what he thinks is reasonable.

When I began working (aged 17 in 1964), I worked out what I would need as fares to get to work, what I had spent on entertainment and so on from the pocket money they had provided up till then, lunch in the staff canteen, and to save a little. I then told my mother what I proposed to give her which was a significant proportion of the remainder.

The proposed amount was accepted but resented. Resented because she had expected to be given everything I earned and for her to continue giving me pocket money. Times have changed. (My paying my way - I'm sure it more than covered my food - enabled my mother to give up her part-time job which she had taken in order to pay for my school uniform or so she told me - guilt-inducing as otherwise she wouldn't have had to go out to work if I hadn't passed the 11+. There was no child benefit being lost - as I was an only child, there was no state benefit, it was only subsequent children which led to a child benefit entitlement.)

Giggles_Fairy

Its not about 'charging' someone to live with you its about then contributing to the costs - and starting to learn the value of money. I pay £100 per month to my Dad (Im 26) and this is what my brother paid until he moved out. I have not long since stopped being a student and have debt to pay from this so I appreciate that I also have spare funds to pay this debt off. I am less reliant on my Dad financially also, I am equally as likely to go and buy 'a few bits' to top up the weekly shop as he is now. I think £100 per month is a fair amount. Or approx 20-25 per week. It seems to be a regular figure from other peoples comments. And I know my cousins all pay similar board too. It does also make an impact on household finances if the child beginning work has meant that child benefit/tax credits has stopped as alot of households have relied on those funds for many years, so it is not unfair to have the child then pay board to make up for this amount of money which was used to pay bills for the house etc

ladylouise62

Kids should absolutely be paying something if they work, to not charge them anything is to not train them for the life ahead.

The size of the charge, however, is a complex calculation dependent upon how sensible the kid is (if charged llittle will put more into savings), how poor the parents are (e.g. really can't afford to keep feeding them), how much the kid earns (basic wages taken up by transport etc). Unless they have a pittance left over after basic bills, then AT LEAST the cost of food and utilities, althoug property costs I would find to be a bit OTT. That would vary but I would suggest that a couple of hundred a month would probably generally suit. If the parents don't need the money then putting it aside to help the kid out later is a good option.

My personal experience was that all of my siblings never expected to earn and not contribute, although in one case the money was returned when he set up home, and in my case she wouldn't take as much as I was offering, but then I was spending little and putting all my spare money into a deposit and I shared tasks like cooking so no 'lesson' needed to be taught as my parents ensured that we already knew them

Nine_Lives

LynV wrote: »

I have so far on a wage of £120 not taken a penny from him.

It's only my opinion, but i disagree with this action.

Even if you only take £5, i would take something. I'm assuming this is per week & not per month? Either way, on ANY sum, i would take SOMETHING. If he only received £50, i'd take something, even if just £1. Yes, what's £1 going to buy? Nothing, but it's not the point.

Even if you don't spend it on the house (don't tell him that) - stick it in an account & let him have it back when he moves out to help him with moving out. He'll have received some training for real life in the process.

I'm glad i pay board, it's helped me. I would hate to jump into the real world & sink because i wasn't prepared.

glowgirl_2

Why would you charge your own child to live in their own home? Encourage you son to save, on a wage like that he should be able to put some away, have some to spend and live a young life which is what you as a parent can give him and then buy his own food etc if there are particular things he wants, life is so hard for so long give him a break for a while:).

I was charged 50% of what I earned as a teenager to live in the home that I had always lived in and my parents had money, it certainly didnt teach me how to manange money or prepare me for the real world, I was just skint all the time from a very young age despite working more than everyone else.

londoner01

Has it not occurred to anyone in this thread that spirits may be running high because it completely depends not only on the single family's financial and relational situations, but also on the single individuals' ideas of responsibility, parenting, work ethic and family?

My parents and I come from a culture where it isn't as obvious that the children should strive to be financially independent from as soon as they are old enough to work and families normally support their children throughout university, or into moving out with a partner at about the same age people leave university if they have concluded their studies at high school.

In my situation, my parents were in a position to pay for me throughout university and I never even felt that it was appropriate to debate that they would. I had a monthly allowance and they discouraged me from getting a job on the side as that would take away from my studies. They would have been open to discuss whether I needed extra money but we never really needed to as I just tended to live thriftily anyway. The result was that I was able to get a degree with very good honours, and enjoy my student life making friends and getting involved in student union activities that were pivotal in my later employment. Living abroad and worrying constantly about earning a living while my parents were able to support me would have been a waste of money anyway, because at that point I could have just stayed at home and studied more cheaply that way!

I am very grateful to them also for the support that they offered me in the first few months of my job, offering to still pay for my rent (but I insisted I should pay all my expenses). This has allowed me to be debt-free and to put away a good amount of savings. I believe I still learned about money and life though, and I'm trying to get going on my financial goals as soon as possible to then have a family of my own and still support my parents or sister should the need ever arise in the future. Their attitude since primary school has always been, we'll support you until you are ready to be independent, on the condition that you work your hardest to be independent as soon as possible.

Obviously if they hadn't been in a position to support me as much, I would have known at the time of starting university and considered other choices, and in fact supported my parents however I could if it had come to that.

In the end, it's about being united as a family, and allowing everyone to achieve the best of their potential. So if your child hasn't understood the value of money yet, allowing them to achieve the best of their potential may include taking the money from them regardless, and put it aside.

Every case is different and OP in your position I would have a frank chat with your son and see what he thinks, explaining why you find yourself in a position to ask, and asking him to make his own suggestions.

LilacPixie

You NEED to take board from him. I reckon 25% of take home is reasonable. Not only becaus financially you do actually need the money but your son needs to learn about budgetting.
My husband moved into my home aged 21 (i had bought 18 months before) and he had no idea how to budget, what things cost or the simple fact that earning 200 quid a week doesn't mean you have 200 quid to spend. We split the bills and I took care of mortgage as it was mine. DH really struggled because his mum had just done it all and he had X amount to spend on crap