I need support before I kill myself!

daska

Mildred this is an ongoing saga, if you check LisaB85's previous threads you'll see that this is the latest in a series of events that would try the most patient of us.

LisaB - !!!!!! what are you still doing there? Find yourself somewhere, anywhere else to live and get yourself to the GP for some counselling and help. If you go in that distressed the GP might even find somewhere for you to go!

make_me_wise

LisaB85 wrote: »

Mum started screeching at me and chucked her dinner across the room, my sister left hers and stormed upstairs after my mum. Stepdad yelled at me telling me they will listen to the professional.

I got upset and went into the kitchen to find the instructions as she asked where they were, mum followed me and screeched that I had upset my sister and she had left her dinner. (ditto as have I)

I'm ashamed to say I chucked my orange juice at my mum because it was either that or I flip out completely so my mum cornered me and smacked me in the face which maybe I deserved.

She then told me she would be glad if I killed myself and told me to shut up while I couldn't breath.

I sat on the kitchen floor surrounded by pills and knives seriously contemplating killing myself because I want to die, I only managed to drag myself away when I realised I probably don't have enough pills.

Midred you took my post out of context. What I have highlighted above from the op is extreme behaviour. Yes it was wrong of the op to throw orange juice over her mum. Nothing that my chidlren could ever do would make me slap them round the face though.

I could also never tell my children that I would be glad if they killed themselves. Or stand over them and tell them to shut up if they were struggling to breathe.

Behaviour towards another person is extreme if it reduces them to contemplate killing themselves.

Hope that answers your question to me.

tesuhoha

On the other hand the parent brought the child up to be like this.

Think you ought to let your parents get on with it. Let them run out of fuel and take the advice of the 'professional'. Dinner doesn't seem to be a high priority anyway. Move out if you can.

make_me_wise

Taking this thread at face value and accepting that the op is suffering abusive behaviour, just getting up and leaving is not as easy as you might think.

Abuse is crippling, knocks the confidence and self esteem of people of all ages and walks of life. I dont know how old the poster is but I get the impression they are young and just starting out.

Leaving home is a frightening enough prospect when you have a loving supportive family behind you. To do it when you are living in fear, your state of mind is so shattered that you are contemplating suicide and have no job to finance a move must be terrifying.

mazy_m

tomjonesrules wrote: »

In that case I do wonder why the OP has not moved out, or at least sought professional help. Perhaps mildred1978 is right about there being some exaggeration/ dramatic licence on the OP's part?

Perhaps part of the reason people stay in these situations is that their self esteem is so bad that they don't believe they can live outside of these conditions and that they don't deserve help from anyone hence the reason things such as this often happen.

When someone is depressed or in a bad situation the last thing they can see is the way out. Not everyone has been lucky enough to be able to sort their lives and situations they find themselves in to be the best outcome for them.

lostinrates

IMO this is not the best place for crisis support. I'd recommend op speaks to Samaritans tonight.

Longer term, op other options have been raised before, have you decided these are not for you?

Shared places need not be scary. If you don't feel comfortable in traditional shared flats with young people what about lodging with an older person or family. I think longer term, your friends and opportunity to ride Might change, I'd not base long term solutions or decisions around things outside your control but rather put yourself in a position to have them yourself and find other things that also interest you.

However, this is all stuff to think about when you are calmer. Firstly, get some crisis support with people trained to help you now.

LisaB85

Sorry my aunt came round to speak to me and was helpful

I currently live in a village my nearest town has high crime rates, unemployment and is a where a lot of asylum seekers move to. I would be entitled to a room in a shared house but many won't take people who are on JSA the ones that do are like hovels (I have visited a couple) I still look on there in hope though.

I have seen people who have taken the route of moving while on jsa into a shared house and have seen how it effects them eg putting them in an even bigger rut.

I have little self esteem due to things I have been through and struggle with new people in personal situations.

Horse riding is my only escape in life, I ride 4 times a week. I can only imagine how much it would affect me having to give up and being stuck in a town where I am even worried walking round in day light. It isn't like Iraq but it is not a nice place.

I can see where I would end up if I took that route, my aunt said the same thing.

My long term goal is to get back into employment, learn to drive then move out into a live in job with horses but this is a long term goal and I understand that maybe it would be best to forget driving and just get a job to put a roof over my head.

I have had interviews for jobs but struggle with the rejections.

tescobabe69

LisaB85 wrote: »

Sorry my aunt came round to speak to me and was helpful

I currently live in a village my nearest town has high crime rates, unemployment and is a where a lot of asylum seekers move to. I would be entitled to a room in a shared house but many won't take people who are on JSA the ones that do are like hovels (I have visited a couple) I still look on there in hope though.

I have seen people who have taken the route of moving while on jsa into a shared house and have seen how it effects them eg putting them in an even bigger rut.

I have little self esteem due to things I have been through and struggle with new people in personal situations.

Horse riding is my only escape in life, I ride 4 times a week. I can only imagine how much it would affect me having to give up and being stuck in a town where I am even worried walking round in day light. It isn't like Iraq but it is not a nice place.

I can see where I would end up if I took that route, my aunt said the same thing.

My long term goal is to get back into employment, learn to drive then move out into a live in job with horses but this is a long term goal and I understand that maybe it would be best to forget driving and just get a job to put a roof over my head.

I have had interviews for jobs but struggle with the rejections.

My wife loves riding too, unfortunately we cannot afford it, do you get a special deal ?

[Deleted User]

can you perhaps get a job as a live-in groom? they don`t pay much but you would be doing what you love and you would get away. Maybe you could then study for various horsey qualifications and get back some self-esteem

http://www.yardandgroom.com/

there is one in antwerp for a working student. 3 meals a day and lodging. Dogsbody stuff but it would be a start

doodoot

You seem to cope just fine with meeting men off dating sites.

Half a story here methinks.