Would anyone else leave a sleeping baby home alone - or am I overreacting?

sulkisu

I think that I already know the answer to this, but I have had mixed responses from friends and colleagues, so would I appreciate objective views from strangers.

I bumped into a mother who attends one of the mother/baby groups that I go to. Our sons are the same age - 11 months. I explained that OP was at home doing 'daddy day care' and I was making the most of my free time. She replied that her son had finally gone to sleep and she was off to pick up a few things from the shop before he woke up. It transpired that he was home alone.

I think the look on my face said it all - I was horrified. She said that her son is in his cot which he can't climb out of, that he will probably sleep for a couple of hours by which time she would be back, and even if he woke in her absence he couldn't actually harm himself. Granted the shops are about a 20 minute round trip from her home and she is a single mother - so no OP to leave him with, but I still feel really uneasy about it. She does it all the time (her words, not mine) and it hasn't hurt him yet!

As I said before, responses from friends, colleagues and family have been mixed. I heard 'it's no big deal' more times than I expected to be honest. What do others think? What would you do, if anything?
We live in South London, so shops are open very late (24 hours in some cases).

Plans_all_plans

That's outrageous! Aside from the fact that it's just cruel (what if he woke up crying?), what if there was a fire?! She'd never forgive herself! If I were you I'd try to speak to her again before deciding whether to take it further.

Tell her it's made you a bit worried and that she should think about how she'd feel if there was a fire or whatever.

I understand she's in a difficult predicament on her own etc, but by 11 months he should be in some semblance of routine and if she thinks she needs to pop out then she should really put him down to sleep in his pram before setting out.

starjumper

OMG No! That is so wrong, I've got a 14 month old and I'd never do it. It really is tempting though as he cheerfully sleeps for a couple of hours and I'd love to be able to pop out to the corner shop and get a paper knowing that he'd never wake up but I never would. I even feel guilty about going to the end of our drive to bring the bins in just in case that is deemed neglectful.
I've read too many social services horror stories obviously.

newcook

it doesnt sit easy with me and I dont have kids!!

it would be different if she lived next to a spar or similar and was absolutely desperate for what she needed but why cant she wait until the baby is awake or on the brink of being asleep and stick him in the stroller and take him with her?!

skylight

No way.
Not since a woman lost her young son in a fire 2 streets away a few years back. She only popped to a friends house a few doors down.

But, each to their own. If thats what she wants to do with her son, it has nothing to do with you and you need to stop worrying about it - there is nothing you can do.

gingin_2

That's horrifying. Why can't she take him in the buggy when he is awake ( or asleep)? I'd like her to find any guidelines that suggest it's safe to leave an 11 month old home alone.

My two were climbers at that stage and could easily get out of their cots and get up to any sort of mischief. Being a single mum is no excuse.

daska

For 3 minutes to the local shop when I've been completely out of milk/bread/anything edible, yes, as a single mum I've done this on a couple of occasions when absolutely unavoidable e.g. when I've been unable to get a friend to help and the kids have been too ill to go out. I certainly wouldn't leave a child for longer, in a cot or not, what happens on the day they learn to climb out while she's gone?! I think maybe twice in 15 years, with the house in view for every moment and the baby alarm with me!

SingleSue

Never, ever, ever.

Even if I was popping over to the neighbours, when they were younger, I put them in the car seat or moses basket and took them with me or when slightly older, waited until they woke up.

wornoutmumoftwo

Never ever, unless it's been to nip in the garden to hang my washing out (with baby alarm attached to my belt). I won't leave them now, and they're 8 & 9.

make_me_wise

I wouldn't do it personally. I think the mum concerned is being a little naive to think no harm can come to her son. That comes across as convenient thinking so she feels okay about going out and doing what she needs to without a child in tow.

Maybe he cant get out the cot. However he could wake and have a leaking or dirty nappy and be very distressed when he cries out and no-one comes, he might god forbid choke on something, he could be sick. Even if nothing is wrong with the child himself there could be some problem with the house; fires start, burglars break in. She would be very unlucky for any of this to happen whilst she made a quick trip out but its not worth the risk.

What if anything happened to her whilst down the shops! She might pass out, have an accident. If she goes unconscious that 11 month old could be on its own far longer than the intended 20 minutes.

I have just become a mummy to twin girls and cannot envisage ever leaving them by themselves. If neighbours know her and the child and realise she is going out without him it would only take one reporting her and she would be in alot of trouble. Why not settle the child into a buggy and head off to the shops with him? He might nod off and it could still be a peaceful and pleasant trip.

*max*

No way. Absolutely, definitely no way. She is completely irresponsible.