Paranoid/suspicious

Maysie

Have you heard of the marriage course? We went on one you just go as a couple and sit at a table of 2 watch a dvd of other couples talking about things which was quite amusing and informative. Then talk in just your two about how you deal with things,why, and how to work out problems, Reminds you to tell your partner how much you appreciate little things and not getting to the point of bottling a small problem so it becomes major. There is a small hint of faith but its so small in context to the rest of the course i doubt it would bother anyone unless they were totally anti-religion. Its only 8 weeks and once a week for 1hr half i think it was with a break for drinks and cakes. It wasn't expensive i think it was £25 for the whole thing and a book each (you write down and do multiple choice in it) but as we we struggling at the time they waived the fee and we donated what we could. I think when we looked for a friend at the other end of country the price was totally different so i guess it varies from place to place and their own overheads..
http://relationshipcentral.org/marriage-course/about-course

Their book is on amazon so thats a cheap way to see if its for you.

I hope he is just being secretive to protect you rather than anything sinister. Men do think so differently to us and after having a baby confidence is quite often a bit low.

WhiteHorse

supermaiden wrote: »

She doesnt offer any ££ towards the petrol, I have told OH he needs to ask for some.

Just plain thoughtless, or a bit of an exploiter? Food for thought here.

He is starting to be secretive about when he picks her up, although he might not see it that way but he isnt telling me when he does it and I asked the other morning why he was leaving earlier than usual and he just said hes not and I had to push and specifically ask if he was picking up he said yes after me asking 3 different questions.

This is definately a warning sign.

prettykitty

HomeMum wrote: »

I was unsure as to whether to respond to this post or not, for fear of making you feel worse. Or for fear of others shooting me down perhaps. However, i truely believe that you should trust your instincts, if they are screaming at you that something is amiss, then almost always it is.

I AM NOT saying that he has embarked on an affair, but I AM saying that usually, deep down, our instincts are bang on. If you truely believe you are simply being paranoid, then you are; But if your inner voice is telling you its something more, then maybe its time to ask some questions.

Good Luck with everything, you take care of yourself and your little bundle. I hope I havent upset you further.

sorry but my experience tells me the same you need to speak to him and demand honesty

Teenie_D

WhiteHorse wrote: »

This is definately a warning sign.

Maybe, maybe not but personally I think not.

Supermaiden hun my relationship with my DH went through a very rocky patch after I had DD and some of the things you are saying were brought up. Having a baby, especially your first, can put a huge strain on a relationship and you HAVE to keep talking to each other about your insecurities (both yours and his) and that can be damned hard at times but you have to keep communicating and remember why you have this little treasure in your life now.....because you love one another.

As far as the female is concerned my feeling is that he is avoiding talking about her to you because you are a bit peed off with her taking advantage and he maybe thinks it is better just to not mention her. My DH worked with a young girl who used to always text him (she had a LT boyfriend) and it never bothered me because I totally trust him but then it was getting that she would text him on his days off to ask questions about work which did used to annoy me and eventually he would just not tell me if it was her that was texting. One day his phone was in the kitchen and I was doing the dishes and I glanced at the phone seen it was her and ignored it but when I told him that he had a text he said it was from someone else. I went mad at him for lying and accused him of seeing her but he explained that because I was getting so p***ed off at her texting all the time he thought it would be better if he never mentioned her (oh and he showed me the text, it was just the usual drivel).

Both of your emotions are all over the place, especially yours and being at home with a wee one day in day out is bl00dy hard going and it can drive you mad LOL!!

Fingers crossed you will be ok........just keep communicating!! x

Gemmy_2

Pretty much the same thing happened to me.
OH was taking a girl who worked at the same place as him to and from work. He then spent a lot of time out of the house and without me either with his friends from work or working late. Everything was falling to neatly into place for me and i was really stressing myself about it. I started questioning him... why are you late home from work again etc. It got to the point where i just asked him if he was cheating on me with said girl from work. He couldn't believe i asked it... i explained that from the above information it just seemed like he wanted to be constantly away from me blahblahblah you get the point. Anyway..... without me actually talking to him about how i felt in a really long conversation he didn't actually realise that i felt that way or even that he was spending that much time away from me and the house and if he was, it was because of my attitude to him made him want to stay away (attitude relating to the fact that i was questioning him etc.)

Anyway.. he made the effort to spend more time with me and i made the effort to stop questioning him and our relationship is now better for it.

That was probably a long and useless story for you.. but basically i'm trying to say... just tell him how you feel, how unhappy and how it feels that he doesn't want to spend time with you etc.

EDIT: I should mention from reading the last couple of posts.. my OH also started to stop telling me when he was taking the girl from work to her house or to work.. he stopped telling me as i kept going on about it apparently.

dirtysexymonkey

you and your child should be your husbands priority. this person is responsible for her own commute - not you. shes not even offered a token amount towards her petrol money, so you tell your husband that he makes an excuse and makes it clear to this woman that she can no longer be delivered to work by him. say he has to go somewhere else in the mornings which makes it impossible.

is she in debt? is that why shes walking for four hours a day? maybe thats why she hasnt offered any money? even if this is the case you and your family are not responsible for her.

YORKSHIRELASS

Hi, my relationship went through its rockiest time when DS was a baby. You go from having the same kind of lives, both working, both having your independence to one of you being at home and the other going out to work every day. Its hard for OH to understand how tough it is being at home with a baby and there is so much for a new Mum to deal with.

If you are suspicious about this work colleague then OH might be being secretive to try and prevent getting any grief over it, which then just makes you more suspicious.

My advice would be to stick in there, keep talking, remember that everyone goes through this and things do get easier. Be kind to yourself and get out and socialise with other Mums if you can. Spending too much time at home worrying about what OH is up to is just going to make you feel worse.

As I say we went through something similar and my boy is now 13. My hubby and I have a rock solid marriage and we love each other to bits. I think you will be fine.

WhiteHorse

Teenie_D wrote: »

... he explained that because I was getting so p***ed off at her texting all the time he thought it would be better if he never mentioned her (oh and he showed me the text, it was just the usual drivel).

And what did he do to stop her pursuing him? Nothing it seems. Instead, he concealed it and lied to you.

He may well be cheesed off about the baby and the fact that he isn't now central (which doesn't say much for his maturity), but she iss obviously a problem. Yes, it takes two to tango, but only one to tip you off the bridge.

These things can escalate quite quickly, so best to do something about it.

Peater

Wow, WhiteHorse is a cheery soul. Not everyone is out to get you dear, you must have been hurt pretty bad.

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

so you tell your husband that he makes an excuse and makes it clear to this woman that she can no longer be delivered to work by him. .

Not exactly fair on him is it? If my wife told me to do this, i would deliver 'My wife has told me that she doesn't want me to pick you up anymore. Sorry. Enjoy the fresh air. Bye!' I certainly would'nt make excuses to save face.

dirtysexymonkey

Peater wrote: »

Wow, WhiteHorse is a cheery soul. Not everyone is out to get you dear, you must have been hurt pretty bad.


Not exactly fair on him is it? If my wife told me to do this, i would deliver 'My wife has told me that she doesn't want me to pick you up anymore. Sorry. Enjoy the fresh air. Bye!' I certainly would'nt make excuses to save face.

youd do that to your wife, the one whos just given birth and while is now spending her days looking after your child, she will soon be returning to the same workplace as you and the woman in question?

that says far more about your lack of feelings and consideration towards your wife than anything else.