Paranoid/suspicious

supermaiden

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Gillyx

I think you need to let him know you feel pushed out, unwanted etc. I think this is probably more how you feel and that is arousing suspicions in your mind.

It's obviously been a big year for you with your baby etc, do you think you maybe feel a bit "out" of everything, because of maternity leave etc?

Lotus-eater

There's alot of stuff there and it's a bit confusing tbh.

The thing that stands out, is that he may not know how you are feeling.

Time for a sit down and a big discussion. You cant help feeling the way you feel, but you should let him know and not let it eat away at you.
You don't need to accuse him, you just need to get your thoughts straight. He should want to put your mind at ease.

go_cat

Is this your first baby ? Relationships change after a baby he may be feeling pushed out ??

Is he giving you any other signs such as secrecy with mobile/ facebook?

Is there a possibility of getting a babysitter amd just the two of you going out ? if he doesn't want to do this then there may be issues?

DOn't under estimate how tired and emotional a new mum feels either

Treed

I think you need to take the time to sit and talk to your OH, let him explain and put your mind at ease. Your suspicions could be nothing. He could be overwhelmed by your outburst and the new baby, not really understanding whats going on himself.
Explain to him that you feel pushed out, that you no longer are comfortable with him giving lifts to your work colleague.
Maybe you should both go out and do something "fun", take time out and just enjoy yourselves again.
Personally if my OH was acting differently.. not spending time with me, leaving earlier to go pick up another woman, staying at the office later with poor excuses then i would be paranoid as well. However it could be nothing.

vintagebrighton

Talk.... don't accuse him of anything, don't be confrontational, just say you need to talk. Explain the best way you can how you feel. If he loves you he should be reassuring and show you extra consideration. That's what you need right now. From experience, your hormones will be all over the place - you could be being paranoid, you could have picked up on something untoward, but at least give him the option of trying to put things right. Good luck

euronorris

The thing that stood out for me, with your post, was the lack of communication between the two of you.

You seem to do a lot of 'expecting' him to know stuff, without actually telling him what's going on/how you're feeling. And he's not communicating certain things with you, that he should be (like a quick text to say he'll be late home, for example).

What I will say is that is sometimes easy to forget the time when you're busy at work. I've done it myself, and I have a watch, and there's a clock on my computer! And it really shouldn't be a problem if he needs to work late, particularly if it's a rare occurrence.

I am wondering if he was being secretive about picking up this girl, because he doesn't feel comfortable in asking her for petrol money, but knows that her not offering/contributing, is annoying you. So, he may have just been trying to avoid the conversation altogether. Not the best way to handle the situation, but it may not be as bad as you think.

Communication is key here. Talk to him!

HomeMum_2

I was unsure as to whether to respond to this post or not, for fear of making you feel worse. Or for fear of others shooting me down perhaps. However, i truely believe that you should trust your instincts, if they are screaming at you that something is amiss, then almost always it is.

I AM NOT saying that he has embarked on an affair, but I AM saying that usually, deep down, our instincts are bang on. If you truely believe you are simply being paranoid, then you are; But if your inner voice is telling you its something more, then maybe its time to ask some questions.

Good Luck with everything, you take care of yourself and your little bundle. I hope I havent upset you further.

supermaiden

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Lara44

That's great news Supermaiden.

Paranoia / suspicion / jealousy tends to be a vicious circle as you have seen - each of you ended up feeling 'pushed away' by the other one. In my experience the best way to become a team again is to be really kind to your OH. Hopefully this starts to create a circle of good vibes where you start to take care of each other's feelings reciprocally.

Are there any other people you could ask for help with babysitting? Or even any other couples with a baby the same age that you could socialise with? Some days out as a new family? It sounds like you're feeling a bit lonely.

Are there any other everyday things you could change, like trying to eat dinner together, or making time to talk before bed? I don't have any kids though, so apologies is these aren't appropriate suggestions!

I agree with Euronorris that he might be being secretive about picking up the woman because he doesn't want to ask for petrol money. That's exactly what my OH would be doing anyway.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

How did she get to work before your husband did it?


I would be trying to explain that I really felt it was time she stood on her own two feet, just as she did before your OH was at her house everyday.


But then, one of my exes used the 'I'm saving a friend from having to catch a bus' as a way of having time to spend with her.