Son home from Uni and driving me nuts!!!

maggiesoop

Son started Uni and left home in September aged 18. Couple of rough months for us both but now he seems settled and getting on with life.

Was sooooo looking forward to his first long holiday home for Christmas but..... what a shock. He's become lazy, more immature, selfish, a bit sarky, just a bloody pest.

Don't get me wrong, he was never a saint before he left home but he did help out if asked and I guess not too many 17 year old boys would hang out washing and help with a bit of ironing when asked.

However, the son who left and the "man" who's returned home has left me shaking my head with disappointment. I thought going to Uni made your children grow up not the reverse. To that end, I can't wait until he !!!!!!s off back to Uni on 9th January and get the house back to myself - and it being tidy again!!!

Does anyone else have this problem and does it get worse before it gets better !!! Help!!!

Thanks.

nearlyrich

If you let him get away with it he will, time for tough love, have boundaries and let him know what contribution to the household is expected from him in terms of jobs around the house etc.

Toothfairy4

He's probably just got used to doing what he wants, when he wants, tidying when he can be bothered (if at all lol) and now he's come home he's getting all stroppy at you asking him to do things. This is certainly my experience of guys i mer at uni (I left 3 years ago).
Some of those have grown up a heck of a lot since then, some not so much... That saud he needs to realise its your house and your rules apply when he's there!

heretolearn_2

I hope so :-)

My son used to help grudgingly, but now he's in his early 20s he's lovely, always leaps up to help out and do stuff without even having to be asked! Which is nice as no other !!!!!! in this house will...

having a bit of a tooth grind tonight as have 2 teenage guests (stepdaughter and one of her friends) since 28th, here till 5th, so far they have stayed locked in bedroom with door shut literally the entire time except emerging once when we took them to cinema (but the second we got back went back into bedroom) and in evenings to eat dinner I've cooked. they did emerge at 10 to 12 on new years eve, and joined us for about 20 minutes or so. I think that's the only time either of them have stepped into the living room. They also came out with us last night to a friends house but it turns out they have a couple of friends in the area, arranged for friends to meet them there, and spent the evening sitting the four of them in a corner and not really talking to anyone else unless forced to. Have not lifted a finger to help with food/washing up etc. They emerge at night when we are in bed to get snacks from kitchen, it's a bit like having a mouse infestation. Otherwise, literally not a word or sighting of them, shut away with door closed ALL the time. I find it bloody rude. They are 19 and 20 so should be past all that Kevin stage crap. Also they keep running the washing machine with stupid little washes. Found a wash of one pair of socks, one pair of knickers and one pair of tights, that's all, the other day. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Would it be really wrong of me to think 'f*** em' and not bother cooking them dinner tonight?

purplesmiler82

I have to agree with nearlyrich regading the tough love approach, even at uni he would need to do so many household jobs such as washing his clothes, making himself food (i'm sure no student lives on takeaway everyday!), washing dishes etc (OK he probably only does these when he really has too e.g. run out of clothes, no dishes left etc) but why should he come home and think he does not have to do anything

nearlyrich

Why would you put up with SD behaving like this?

heretolearn_2

sorry, bit of a thread hi-jack there! It's a long story, she is sweet enough when she's in front of you, not the sulky sort, just, I don't know, not that interested in being here I suppose. Relationship with dad broke down completely for a few years, they only just picked up last year, so going very much on eggshells. don't think I want to do/say anything to cause problems.

I think it's mainly the judgement that we are too old and boring to be worth spending any time with that's getting to me, lol, I don't want to admit to being middle aged...

Curlywurli

Maybe he's just tired, fed up and worn out after a term at uni and just wants to be at home again with his mum looking after him and taking care of him?

Murtle

Children do what they can get away with. Both kids in this thread need to learn some manners or maybe find somewhere else to stay next holidays?!

Good luck, I would suggest house rules to be agreed and adhered to.

Savvy_Sue

DS1 went back on New Year's Eve (he's working now) but he's been an absolute star. Came with me to help load DS3's stuff into the car, and then round Sainsbury's, he helped his Dad in the garden (on Christmas Day!!!) and no grumbling at all.

The other two do what they're asked, eventually. Especially if they want something. DS2 is better than DS3: he'll go out and buy anything we've run out of, whereas DS3 would rather do without than leave the house. Fair enough, but if I don't wish to do without, it's faintly annoying to come back and find no milk!!

So I'd say they were either better or no worse than when they left for Uni, but they were fairly well trained before that.

I think I might be having a conversation with a son behaving like this and saying how I had been looking forward to him coming home, but was actually now looking forward to him going back. As for the SD, I'd let Dad say whatever needed to be said, but gently ...

Elle7

heretolearn wrote: »

I hope so :-)

My son used to help grudgingly, but now he's in his early 20s he's lovely, always leaps up to help out and do stuff without even having to be asked! Which is nice as no other !!!!!! in this house will...

having a bit of a tooth grind tonight as have 2 teenage guests (stepdaughter and one of her friends) since 28th, here till 5th, so far they have stayed locked in bedroom with door shut literally the entire time except emerging once when we took them to cinema (but the second we got back went back into bedroom) and in evenings to eat dinner I've cooked. they did emerge at 10 to 12 on new years eve, and joined us for about 20 minutes or so. I think that's the only time either of them have stepped into the living room. They also came out with us last night to a friends house but it turns out they have a couple of friends in the area, arranged for friends to meet them there, and spent the evening sitting the four of them in a corner and not really talking to anyone else unless forced to. Have not lifted a finger to help with food/washing up etc. They emerge at night when we are in bed to get snacks from kitchen, it's a bit like having a mouse infestation. Otherwise, literally not a word or sighting of them, shut away with door closed ALL the time. I find it bloody rude. They are 19 and 20 so should be past all that Kevin stage crap. Also they keep running the washing machine with stupid little washes. Found a wash of one pair of socks, one pair of knickers and one pair of tights, that's all, the other day. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Would it be really wrong of me to think 'f*** em' and not bother cooking them dinner tonight?

I just wanted to say that I'm afraid I can be a bit like this...purely because I presume my friends parents will want me out of the way, so they can get on with what they'd be doing anyway, so I try to stay out of the way.

I don't run small washes (I wouldn't dream of washing my clothes at a friends, but if I did, I'd ask and make sure I did other people's too) and I do try to involve myself when I'm around others, like joining in with board games and in conversations, but I hate feeling in the way.

I am very anxious though, so it could be that...