Having a moment

Sambucus_Nigra

Have you told him you cannot plan a future with him until he gets a job? I presume you are looking at a deadline and have ideas about what to do if you get to it and he hasn't got himself a job yet?

doodoot

Tell him that you'd like to have a swap of roles once he gets a job seeing as he's been on his arrass since 2009...you stay at home and he goes to work.

Bet you get a great reaction at that suggestion.

RadoJo

Does he actually want the same things as you ie a house and a family? If so, then maybe it's worth working backwards from the goal to see where you are now, e.g it can take around a year to conceive, so if you want more than one child, then when's the latest you would want to start trying for your second/third etc and work back to where you need to be today to make that possible. That way you're working towards a specific goal rather than just talking about him getting a job, so you can be a little more 'big picture' about things.

lilac_lady

Don't have a baby as someone sugested. Your wage isn't really high enough to support 3 if you want to live comfortably.

As far as him being happy not to work - surprise! You're doing the breadwinner's job and he's doing the lazy lifestyle because it suits him.

FBaby

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

How seriously do you think he's looking for work? Playing at it or making a determined effort? Him not seeming terribly concerned could be a front for how anxious he is feeling about being kept by you. I hope so as I wouldn't be happy getting out of bed every day so someone else could sit on their @rse, even if they did do the washing-up and fix a meal. That's less than an hour out of his busy day.

A full and frank exchange of views is in order, I think. At least then you'd know where you stand and can plan accordingly

I agree with this. It all comes down to whether he is enjoying his life as he is and just pretending that money doesn't really matter and that he is really trying to keep you quiet, or whether he is genuinely struggling and feeling bad that he relies on you solely. I guess it all depends on his previous experience, education ect...

I do struggle to believe that any person with a minimum of education/experience who is trully willing can't manage to find anything at all months after months, but maybe I'm wrong. In any case, I would definitely want to know exactly what he has been doing to find a job, not as a police interview, but everyday conversation.

Shovel_Lad

lilac_lady wrote: »

As far as him being happy not to work - surprise! You're doing the breadwinner's job and he's doing the lazy lifestyle because it suits him.

That is a hugely sexist comment to make. You are implying that housewives throughout history have been "doing the lazy lifestyle" and only the breadwinner does anything useful. Or are you implying that it is only applicable if the person doing the "housewife" role is male?

aylithuk

thank you to all.

After I wrote this we had a chat because he wasn't even aware that his JSA will stop at the end of Feb because of the amount I earn. I asked him if he was upset he's not got a job yet and his reply was 'No because it's a win win for me..no job I don't have to go to work...get a job and we have more money'...this seems to me he's happy with either situation.

I know he's actively looking as I help him with apps and when he last got a interview we went to look at the place and we did some mock interviews so I know he's not being lazy (thank gawd!) but I told him last night after he told me, he's only applying for management roles in shops that he aiming to high maybe because all his experince as a sales assitant. This got a bad reaction because he doesn't want to do this at age 32! and he should be earning a good wage!

I think I am resentful of our situation rather then him for the most part but i do think a small part of me hates that he happy with the way things are. He does want children (and no I am not having one now even if we would be better off money wise) but he wants a house more but he understand that it won't happen until he gets job.

As for the computer games - I am not a WOW or Call of Duty widow as we only have a PC and he just play ramdom old games. End of the day I am sort of the same. I rather read or come on here then watch TV. Hell I cannot remember the last time he watched TV other then the news and The one show

Money is not everything however I am not even asking hm to go out and get a high paid job or work 40hrs per week. I am asking that he bring some money into the house to help making living more easy.

End of the day I would still have to get out of bed to keep myself anyhow so I am not much worried about that as much as 'will he ever get a job' so we can move on with what we both want for the future..in my timescales or his.

pinkclouds

As you are 31, how important is it to have kids? If that's a biggie, then I think you need to spell things out even clearer to him. The only 100 percent effective contraception is abstinence. How does he feel about abortion? How does he feel about bottle-feeding (if you are the only bread-winner in the household)? What is his back-up plan if you fall pregnant and suffer complications (and thus unable to work)? It's all very well to be P.C. but Mother Nature just doesn't care.

I understand his feelings, re the job level he wants, but sometimes pride is less important than family. Something for him to consider?

lilac_lady

Shovel_Lad wrote: »

That is a hugely sexist comment to make. You are implying that housewives throughout history have been "doing the lazy lifestyle" and only the breadwinner does anything useful. Or are you implying that it is only applicable if the person doing the "housewife" role is male?

I was a SAHM of 3 for 12 years and definitely did not have a lazy lifestyle. The OH complained that her OH has very little to do and shows no sign of looking for a job even though they have no children.

That's a lazy lifestyle IMO. Doesn't matter if it's a male or female - laziness is laziness.

BitterAndTwisted

aylithuk wrote: »

Money is not everything however I am not even asking hm to go out and get a high paid job or work 40hrs per week. I am asking that he bring some money into the house to help making living more easy.

Have you actually said that to him? Like very slowly and in words of one syllable?

He's going to lose £67 a week from next month. Is that going to have any impact on your lives? Sod looking at management roles. He's been applying for those and he hasn't had an offer. It's time for a new strategy and quickly, before that half a million public sector job-losses happens. There will be even more competition then.