Probably stupid BUT I am so broody

pinkclouds

I'm sorry that you lost your little boy, so long ago, and that it still hurts so bad.

I think I can understand the broody feeling to some *limited* extent (as I have not experienced your heartache). This may sound a bit off the wall but do you have any friends with little babies (or can you wait till your brother has had his baby) that you could visit? Spend some time with a very little baby, cuddling them and doting over them, and see if you can picture that baby as a toddler/pre-schooler/teen and see if you'd still want to be looking after a third child on a 24/7 basis.

A friend of mine has recently had a baby and he is so tiny and cute and precious. It's wonderful to cuddle him and rock him and kiss him... but, despite feeling totally misty-eyed and reminiscent about the baby stage, I actually feel quite happy that my two are older and less dependent on me. She's all, like, I've forgotten they don't help you dress themselves, I've forgotten how strongly they suckle, I've forgotten they need you every couple of hours, etc. Don't get me wrong - I love my kids (and my friend loves her kids) but there are lots of practical downsides to having another child. You already have two kids to care for, which is a blessing in itself. Another child may not fill the void left by the first child but they will still need your care (I know they will have your love, that's unquestionable) and the practicalities may be a hardship. You will always be the mom of your first child, no matter how many kids you have - nothing can change that. x

lostinrates

OP, whats your DD2 like? Regulars know a fair bit about dd1, but the other?

yellowbear

I know that feeling well. My baby died 6 years ago and the need to have another baby overwhelmed me. I knew I could never replace *him* but I needed another baby to replace the one I lost.
I know that sounds a bit mawkish but to me it was normal.
I went on to have another baby, a boy as it happens, and I still haven't lost that NEED for a baby. I don't think I ever will.

tomjonesrules

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

ill be as indelicate as i can be without being cruel. snap out of it and stop being so bloody selfish. what can you realistically offer another child? a troubled home life with a dangerous sibling an aging parents. thats the reality of your situation. you need counselling, or better someone that knows you to talk some bloody sense into you.

Got to agree with this - a baby is not the answer to your problem OP.

I don't have any children, I desperately want one. I could go out tonight and get pregnant. But that doesn't solve my problem does it, it might provide the physical object I want more than anything, but none of the surrounding emotional issues will go away.

Find a good therapist and work on the reasons why you feel such a strong urge to have a baby, then review your options again.

ViolaLass

OP, you say you would need to lose weight before conceiving. Why not work on this first? (along with talking to someone about how you feel - what harm can it do?) You won't be able to lose the weight immediately. Losing it would make you healthier either way and give you time to think.

Jessie11

I'm going to join in and say you need to go speak to a professional. Get yourself and your health together and wait until your OH is onboard.

pukkamum

OP am i right in thinking you also suffer from back problems? Have you thought how another pregnancy may affect your back? What if you were bedridden during pregnancy due to this?
I think for a lot of women broodiness never goes away, i have three which is it for me, but i know i will never stop wanting another child but it is something i will have to live with.

purple.sarah

darlyd wrote: »

If it was a girl, it would be just as loved.

I know about DD1 and the problems associated, but I can't let her attention seeking and attitude come into it. May sound selfish but she will accept it I am sure, she will move out in years to come with her own family.

We have so much love to give, Either that or we adopt some more pets... But the fact we can have another baby goes through my mind daily, I really want another bundle of joy, nappies, etc etc... Everything that comes with another child..

It's not only attention seeking and attitude though, that could just be a tantrum. I looked up your previous posts to see what other people here were referring to and she has threatened to stab people and you've had to hide the knives and call the police. She scares your other daughter. You say you can't let her attitude come into it but the safety of the home a new child would be coming into is an important consideration in whether to have one. It also sounds like you have enough on your plate.

suki1964

Wasnt it just a few months ago when you were on here telling us how you were wanting to leave your husband?

Have you not posted a time or two since (some of which appear to have been deleted now) about how bad life is at home, with husband, daughter,work and health?

Bringing a baby into a unstable/volatile environment is selfish and wont make all that go away or even paper over the cracks

purple.sarah

From a couple of the OP's other posts:

darlyd wrote: »

I have posted many times about DD1 (she is 13 now), Seen psychiatrist for first time last week (apart from when he went into the school to assess her without our knowledge but this was during drama lesson, her fave!) and he said she fits the characteristics of a typical child with ADHD, but Why don't I believe him? He wants to see us again 6th October for a proper question air assessment, and speak to us separably too.

I can't get my head around it, she does not act like children I have seen with ADHD, she does get manic, drunk feelings, and when she blows, she blows, her mouth is disgusting, she wrecks the house in her tantrums, even go to the point we had to call the police to help us calm her, without us getting arrested for restraining her and locking her in the garage to calm her down. Getting beyond now, What will they do? Give her ritalin? I don't want her on any drugs if they have been prescribed for something she does not have. I just can't trust the medical profession, I have my reasons.

She had a major outburst Friday when I caught her stirring, She really did believe this girl was with her Thursday night using her phone causing trouble, But this girl wasn't here, because DD was home, and she went mental, I had to ring the doctor, she noted it down and told me sounds like another condition, she will inform the psyciatrist first thing this morning, and I also asked her to call SS on my behalf, as they told me to call the police when I rung in desperation Friday.

I don't understand, she lies and really does believe them, and no to her means yes, she really frightened DD2, and DH and I feel like prisoners as we have to lock all doors and windows, and hide the keys, and all knifes are now locked in dh shed as she had one on her Friday, dh had to go get her, she was ready to stab the girl who she says was with her Thursday eve causing the trouble.. I have rung the school this morning to warn them she might burst on that girl, I am really weary as this girls mother has sent DD1 some horrid messages, they have made my blood boil. DD no longer has her phone, and she is grounded indef, she can't be trusted anymore, it's for her own safety. arghhh

Thanks for reading

darlyd wrote: »

Dh does not want her here, he has told me in the past to move out with her. (she is not his). Her sperm donor has never bothered ever! It's so bad...

Please don't bring another child into this home.