Probably stupid BUT I am so broody

msb5262

darlyd wrote: »

But to me risks outweigh happiness for us..

Hi OP,


I think you probably meant the opposite here - but I can't help feeling that you have accidentally typed something which sums up the truth of the matter.
To outsiders like us, it really appears that any possible benefits are totally outweighed by the obvious risks.
Many women long to have another baby just as you are doing now but it doesn't mean it's the right thing, either for them or for their existing family.
Please take some time to make this decision as it could have such huge implications for you all.


Best wishes

MsB

ETA I'm so sorry for your loss - and I'm another who thinks you would benefit enormously from counselling to help you over losing your son.

GlasweJen

Almost all of my friends are pregnant/just had a baby at the moment, it is difficult but you just need to accept that it just isn't for you just now. You have your girls, spend time with them, get things sorted with the oldest then see how things look from there. You're still young so there's plenty of time yet.

CH27

darlyd wrote: »

DD1 was 9.6, DD2 was 10.14 and fractured my pelvis, I also got let home with placenta left inside me and had no idea about it till I heamoraged and had to have emergency D&C. So terrifies me that something might happen, Doctors reckons I am health accept I need to lose some weight. All goes through my mind. But to me risks outweigh happiness for us..

You have that the wrong way for you but the right way for your OH.

I think you need help both with your grief & your daughter.
I think you are clutching at something to gve you foucus & a baby will not do that.
You need to sort the root problems not put another sticking plaster over the scab.

Spendless

What if the new baby came with all the same 'attributes' as DD1?

Are you thinking beyond babyhood here? Are you thinking you want an additional family member, an extra person sharing the household space/the income/your time etc or are thinking you want a baby?

Kimberley

Hi

You should think twice about this. The fact that you have started this thread tells me you are not entirely 100% sure in which case I think you should keep your implant in and wait say a year or two to see how your DD1 behaviour is then and if everything in your life is 100% how it should be then you can sit down with your husband and discuss having another baby. You need to be 100% sure it's what you want and you are not.

My daughter is due her first baby in February and I have been feeling broody and thought about having another baby but realistically i'm too old for one now and probably wouldn't be able to cope with one at my age.

Keep the implant in for another year or two and see how you feel then. Goodluck x

doodoot

I'm yet another poster who is going to say the word 'counselling'.

And considering you reckon you don't need it despite everything you posted screams to me that you need it.

You won't be happy if you have another girl, and you will try again to have the boy you have been grieving for.

Any baby that you have will be put to one side once he/she is not a baby anymore...then you will be thinking about having another.

The important words you keep saying are 'bundle of joy'...you want the baby stage of having children.

Go and see your doctor.

SavingPennies_2

I know about DD1 and the problems associated, but I can't let her attention seeking and attitude come into it

Has DD1 picked up on/ overheard your desperate desire for another child to love? this could be compounding her problems...

dirtysexymonkey

ill be as indelicate as i can be without being cruel. snap out of it and stop being so bloody selfish. what can you realistically offer another child? a troubled home life with a dangerous sibling an aging parents. thats the reality of your situation. you need counselling, or better someone that knows you to talk some bloody sense into you.

bagginslover

Op, I know just where you are coming from. I too 'lost' a son to SB, and the urge to have another son, not as a replacement, but to help heal the hurt is, at times overwhelming. I don't have any other children, and my partner is adamant he doesn't want any yet (claims he is too young at 27!). I was allowed a dog (that sounds wrong, it wasn't like that really, but...) that he then told the neighbours was to stop me wanting kids so soon-like in Marley and Me. I was furious, but I've taken him at his word, and my dog is totally spoilt!

I'm not going to echo the call for you to have counselling. I tried it, (for something else) and it didn't help me at all, if anything it made things worse as I'd over think things and make the issues bigger. If you don't want to, don't, because it will only work if you are on board with it.

I don't know what the problems with your eldest are, but from what others have said, she sounds violent... would she hurt a baby? If there is even the tiniest part of you that isn't saying no, it's not worth the risk.

As for the risks to your own health, again, I know where you are coming from-giving birth to my aborted son nearly killed me too. My contractions stopped and I passed out and stopped breathing. The Drs think it was a kind of toxic shock syndrome, like you can get from tampon wear-I can no longer use them, and I have been warned its likely to happen in future births. Will it stop me? God no! Will I make sure all the medical staff are super aware and monitoring me closely, YES!

So, I'm neither on one side of the fence or the other, but I do understand your need. Weigh everything up very carefully, and objectively before making a decision.

myalphabetgirls

I completely empathise. I lost my eldest daughter August 2009, she would be 23 this coming Friday. I have two other daughters, 18 and 7. I also lost a baby boy to late miscarriage (17 weeks, 4 days) between.

I am broody pretty much all of the time, its not about replacing my lost child - It is far more tangible than that; like a mother hen with her chicks. I dream that I am pregnant and can feel the baby move.

Sadly, having had my last daughter at the age of 40 it is unrealistic for me to sustain a healthy pregnancy now at 48. Having said that my paternal grandmother was 48 when she had her last child (in the 1940's) with no complications from what I understand. We are a family of late mothers and I still have regular periods etc.

Kelly Preston, John Travolta's wife also had a baby last year at 47. I know, I know, she has the bank balance and life style that far exceeds ours.

My second husband was happy to have our daughter, now 7; he is content but oh, dear god, the desire to have another new baby in my life is quite overwhelming. Yes, it would help heal my heart in losing my beautiful grown up baby girl but I think broodiness goes beyond that. I too would love another baby so I know exactly how you are feeling.