my ex is making my life hell

BitterAndTwisted

skint-student-nurse wrote: »

I have also been told that as all the financial agreements that he wants contributions for are in his name, then its not my problem.

This advice is absolutely correct. He signed the contract, it's his responsibility to pay the bills.


He is a guarantor for my loan but I've been told that he is also liable for this.

This is absolutely incorrect. UNLESS you stop making the repayments and then he's liable for them. Nice bIt of ammo to have up your sleeve as a threat if he wants to make more trouble for you. But only once you have your daughter with you. Then he can go **** himself.

DON'T BE A VICTIM: GET ACTIVE. GET ANGRY!

thatgirlsam

I don't understand what is going on in this thread!

Are the debts yours OP? Even though they are in your ex's name are they actually your debts?
If they are how comes people are saying don't re-pay him?

I think there must be something I'm missing! I am sorry you have been feeling so bad that you have had suicide attempts - I don't think its as easy as 'just go and pick your daughter up' if you have been experiencing suicidal thoughts and attempts .... make sure you are strong enough to give her the mother she needs before you take her from a safe environment

Caroline_a

If you want your daughter to live with you, go and get her. No excuses about school, etc. Poor little girl is being pushed here and there - she should be your priority. I don't understand why you moved to 'start afresh' and left your child - I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but the implication is that you left her too to start afresh.

Your new boyfriend really shouldnt be part of the equation, he isn't anywhere near as important as your daughter. When you have sorted your life with her then you will be ready for new relationships.

RadoJo

Are you sure that living with you is the best thing for your daughter at the moment? If you have no money to support her and have attempted suicide twice in the last two months then perhaps it would be better to wait until you're in a more stable position before considering seeking custody of your daughter.

mum2one

Where my thought are re the daughter, there is an issue of parental responsibility, from memory thou you will have to double check, that if your daughter was born after 2005, your partner automatically has parental responsibility, before that unless you were married he has no parental responsibilty and would have to go through court to apply for these rights.

As for the birth certificate, if you were not married at tht time of her birth, and he was not there to register the birth with you his name would not be on it. To have his name on it, he would have to apply through solicitors and the court to have his name put on the birth sertificate.

From what I see, you need to be strong for your daughter, I know where your coming from re the sucidie attempts etc, I know how asy it is to let it get all on top of you. But you need social services to help you, once you ask them for help and support.

From what I see you priority is to get your daughter, change your numbers and block any contact from ex, if as you said he has done what he states. You need to make sure that your crystal clear that you have not commited any fraud, if you think you have I would ask to speak to benefits, its better to get it sorted now then 6 months down the line. When have your daughter then the LA will have to sort her out with an education, it sounds like u love your daughter to bits and you need to stay strong for her. xx

thatgirlsam

Why won't the OP let the dad be on the birth certificate?

marywooyeah

mum2one wrote: »

Where my thought are re the daughter, there is an issue of parental responsibility, from memory thou you will have to double check, that if your daughter was born after 2005, your partner automatically has parental responsibility, before that unless you were married he has no parental responsibilty and would have to go through court to apply for these rights.

Its 2003, and he would only have PR if named on the birth certificate if the child was born in or after 2003 - can't remember which month it kicked in though off the top of my head.

OP yes he can get his name on the birth certificate without your consent, he'd apply for a Statutory Declaration of Parentage, would highly likely have a court Ordered DNA test and the General Registry Office could then amend the Birth Certificate.

Does the Nan have anything legal in place eg a Residence Order or is this an informal arrangement? If it's the latter there's nothing to stop you going and collecting her, I'd worry about a school place later you're bound to find one sooner or later.

I know things seem bleak, but the Dr has to inform Social Services and each time you attempt suicide you are getting further away from showing that you can care for your daughter yourself. I've been in a similar mental state myself and don't mean to downplay how you are feeling but it's seriously counterproductive to your efforts to get her back. It also sounds like you have a very supportive partner, please don't push him away with these attempts. Stay strong, look into having some counselling, finding a school place and go and get your girl!

stay strong OP, you can do it!!! xxx

dirtysexymonkey

im confused op. you moved away from your dd to be with your boyfriend. you let your ex pay off your debts and now youve landed him with the bills for them. you dont pay anything towards your daughter. and your story is quite a bit different from the ones youve told before. https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3549463

if any man had done what you had done he would be abused to within an inch of his life by posters on here.

Caroline_a

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

im confused op. you moved away from your dd to be with your boyfriend. you let your ex pay off your debts and now youve landed him with the bills for them. you dont pay anything towards your daughter. and your story is quite a bit different from the ones youve told before. https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3549463

if any man had done what you had done he would be abused to within an inch of his life by posters on here.

I'm afraid I have to agree. Whether you have any money or not, you are still obliged to pay for your daughter while she doesn't live with you. Your earlier thread in October plus this one shows that you don't seem to have moved on from your ex, and it appears to be more about him than about your daughter. Maybe she is better off where she is now if she is in a stable home, but you will have to face facts unfortunately that even if you are unemployed you will have to pay something towards your daughters keep.

The birth certificate in reality is the least of the issues!