Did i have a right to know?

skint-student-nurse

Hi all,

As some of you know,i had a very turbulent relationship with my now ex-boyfriend. We split up earlier this year and i quickly moved my daughter and myself out. I admit as well that I started seeing someone not long after, but as soon as my ex found out, he made my life absolute hell and the police have been involved on three separate occasions.

My ex came over one night to drop our daughter off and he went through my phone, and for those of you with iphones know, you can see the whole test conversation between yourself and the recipient. He saw that my boyfriend and I were having a conversation about our future, like moving in together,etc. I have moved closer to my boyfriend,and although he offered several times for me to move in, I declined and moved to the other side of town and im a good 20 mins away from him as we still want our seperate lives for now.

On the basis of my ex finding this out - and i think it made him sick/annoyed/whatever to find out that someone else could make me so happy he decided to join a 'f*** buddy' sight, meets a few girls,picks one and within six weeks she has moved into my flat. Whats the problem you ask? the fact we have a child together,who her dad is looking after as im not well and have been in hospital,then i think its something i should have been told about. I knew she was staying for a few days but i saw through this and knew there was more to it,and she would be staying longer.

I know and appriciate that their relationship is nothing to do with me, but when a woman i havent been allowed to meet and i can hear shouting at my daughter on the phone moves into what is technically my flat with my daughter living there(still paying on the mortgage and trying to force the sale of the flat) then i think i have every right to know about this. I just feel like my ex is using this woman to get back at me for growing a pair and leaving him after several years of pshycological and domestic abuse.

Sorry for the long post, i would appriciate any advice on what i can do in regards to dealing with my ex. I should also add that he STILL isnt on the birth certificate.

BitterAndTwisted

I think that you should focus on how fortunate you are now that he's got someone else to make miserable, rather than just you.

skint-student-nurse

i know,i feel like giving her the heads up that hes a complete tool but im not feeling that nice,she is just as bad as he is.

vroombroom

why is ok for you to meet someone and not your ex? I'm assuming your new fella has met your daughter?

If your ex has given you domestic and psychological abuse, why is your daughter staying there?!

twinkle-star23

My ex ignored his kids for 6 months then randomly one day text me to ask if he could have them over night. I agreed as they hadn't seen their dad for so long. The next day he returned them and as he was leaving said 'oh by the way they met my girlfriend last night'. That to me was unacceptable as he hadn't seen them then wanted to play happy families. I didn't have a clue who she was, where he took them etc. After he left I found out via facebook- people really should check their privacy settings, that it was her daughters birthday that they had been celebrating together when he ignored his own daughters birthday 2 weeks prior!!!

I was fuming for a good few weeks after, but I then decided not to waste my energy on him or them. I've asked him to spend one on one time with his children to build a relationship with them before playing happy families, he chooses to ignore this and just get told I'm jealous.

The way I see it now is I wont have him dictating to me what goes on in my house, so therefore I can't do it to him. I now bite my tongue when I find out things I'm not happy with and leave him to get on with it.

xxx

skint-student-nurse

vroombroom wrote: »

why is ok for you to meet someone and not your ex? I'm assuming your new fella has met your daughter?

If your ex has given you domestic and psychological abuse, why is your daughter staying there?!

i will try and reply again,as my internet crashed -

Im not saying its ok for me to meet someone and me not,not at all. my ex's response to me seeing someone else was to try and rape me in my own home with my daughter asleep next door. He found out i had a miscarrage with my new boyfriends baby as i was rushed to hospital and they called my ex as he was still down as my next of kin and just throws the fact i had a miscarrage at me whenever he can. Due to the fact i have no family near me and im not well enough to look after my daughter,i felt like i had no option other than to leave her with her dad.

I feel like this is just his way of getting back at me, he was distraught at the fact i had left him, and ive been told that ive already done the hardest bit but when i tried to speak to my daughter on the phone earlier, all i could hear was his girlfriend shouting at my daughter,which to me is unacceptable.

CH27

Why can't you look after your daughter now you are home?

skint-student-nurse

I had internal bleeding and a head injury,so im limited to what i can do other than plod along at home,and the hospital needed the bed. Believe me,if i was well enough to look after my daughter, then she would be here without a doubt.

CH27

How old is she?
Can nobody come in & hel you out for a couple of hours?
Where is your boyfriend?

twinkle-star23

Forgot to mention in my post, my ex was also abusive and tried to rape me- the police were notified. My ex was a !!!!!! to me, but there has been no evidence of him doing anything to the kids to justify my stopping him from seeing his children.

I have recently found that taking the emotion out of the situation makes things easier to handle, I had him phoning me up screaming down the phone to me about something insignificant 2 weeks ago and rather than rising to it I calmly advised him that I wasnt raising my voice to him and would appreciate it he could calm down- this completely threw him lol.

xxx

skint-student-nurse

my boyfriend works odd hours,and in all honesty, im not really sure whats going on. she is six,im in a new area and have no idea what support is avaliable.