part 2 . .Dad died last week

Tuesday_Tenor

Yes, my father died unexpectedly 2nd January after 1 day in hospital. Just coming up to the anniverary ...

He'd gone in for investigation of flu-like symptons and mild delerium, and as he'd had a mild stroke in the past, anything of that nature needed to the checked for. After initial tests, with nothing too serious arising, he'd been on an observation ward, not in any sort of critical care scenario. He was independently able to get to the bathroom. He then died suddenly the next morning. We spent the first week not actually knowing what he'd died of, and this was very difficult when talking to extended family and neighbours. So I sympathise with your situation. Eventually, after the post-mortem, we were told he'd had a heart attack, on top of known heart problems.

That first week was VERY difficult. The so-called Bereavement Service at the hospital was in complete melt-down and were very difficult to liaise with, so actually added to the stress! They were short-staffed, and coping with Bank Holidays and a higher-than-usual death rate through the cold snowy weather. They themselves had difficulty getting info from the wards, as all the doctors who'd been working over Chritmas AND New Year had all then gone off for their holiday! We were told different things about the need for the PM by the Bereavement Services, which didn't help matters, at what was already a very difficult time. So, I sympathise: Christmas/New Year is NOT a good time to be dealing with these things.

>>> the extended family are beginning to think that we are dragging our feet to get things going .
>>> due to the suddeness of the death and the fact that hospital addmission was less that 24 there may have to be a post mortem.
Many people don't realise that PMs are common in these situations. You'll just have to explain the situation to anyone who's presurising you. No need for you to feel in any way at fault or 'tardy'. It's out of your hands.

My 88-year-old father had all sorts of mild underlying problems, but had been functioning well, and hadn't seen his GP for a couple of months, when he suddenly became very ill. The coroner's office suggested, when the medical certificate from the ward was delayed, that perhaps his GP could do it. No, Dad hadn't been so ill that he was expected to die, nor had he been seen by the GP recently, so of course the GP couldn't!

Although you won't be able to register the death until after the PM, you have been given a likely timescale by the coroner's office, and WILL be able to discuss the funeral with the Funeral Directors and book a provisional date. Funeral Directors will be quite used to this scenario.

In our case, after the PM on 10th January, we were able to go ahead with the funeral on the provisionally booked date of 17th Jan. This wasn't, in the end, significantly later than it would have been anyway. I think up to three weeks is pretty normal, and if you have a lot of people to notify you'll need that time.

It's a difficult time for all of you; wishing you all the best as you go through it.
What IS difficult is notifying people of a provisional date, and then haveing to notify people again to confirm it.
So twice the communication-load, but it can't be helped.

To end on a money-saving note: If you're havng a cremation, there will been a Medical Fee of approx £140 for the cerificate that allows cremation to go ahead. (This applies only for cremations, and is not the same as the Death Certificate). However, if the death goes through the Coroner's Office, you don't have to pay this £140! So, for a bright note in the dark times, the eventual bill from the Funeral Directors might be a bit less than it would have been.

daska

I do sympathise, the limbo is awful. We had a long wait for mum's PM results last year, she died in late April and the initial PM wasn't clear enough so they had to send her brain to a specialist etc etc etc - no inquest, just a rare cause where the slides needed x weeks preparation and x weeks development etc. Because of the delay we ended up getting a 'working cause of death' to allow us to have the cremation in July with the definitive PM results in early August If things drag on you might find it worth asking if this is possible. What we did do though was to have a memorial about 4 weeks after she died to get the public bits over and done with which, in retrospect, was a really nice way to do it, with everyone concentrating on remembering the good things rather staring at a coffin. The cremation was limited to family which was also good.

motherofstudents

My mum died on a bank holiday this year and my dad died on Boxing day a few years ago. We were disappointed when the funeral director gave us a date much later than we had expected, so I do understand how it feels. I do think now that it turned out better having the funeral a bit later than we wanted. It gives you a little time to plan the funeral and inform people and do all the paperwork. I was just in total shock when mum died and I thought the vicar had got my choice of hymn wrong but the rest of the family who were there when I told him the hymn I wanted, said that was the right one. I was completely numb with shock and really couldn't function well at all. I hope everything goes smoothly for you and you can organise a nice funeral. You have my deepest sympathy.

can6342

I'm so sorry for your loss Melymay, I don't post much but had to reply to this thread..
My mum died suddenly in November at her home. It came completely out of the blue, she was young, she hadn't been ill and I'd spoken to her the day before, no probs etc..
As it was sudden and she hadn't seen a doctor recently there was a post mortem, which in our case unfortunately came back inconclusive. Speaking to the coroner they said verbally it was natural causes but they couldn't determine exactly what. They took some samples for further testing and released the body so we could hold the funeral. In all the funeral was three weeks after her death, but it was a very difficult time as I had to return to work before we'd laid her to rest.. To be honest I was living in a haze for those three weeks but things did get better after we'd had the funeral. You have to look after yourself and let others look after you too. For me I got by just doing the bare minimum, and let myself grieve. I had some terrible thoughts during that time and it really helped for me to voice them to my husband and friends rather than hold it all inside.
I'm really sorry you're going through this too and I'm sending you lots of virtual hugs..
Feel free to PM me if you want to chat xxx

merlin68

Evn though we had no post mortem. The earliest we can get a funeral for Dad is the 23rd of January. the Coop said they were working flat out. It will be a month and a day to wait. So be prepared for a wait even after.