2012 will be my year

VfM4meplse

I always wonder why apparently sorted women settle for sub-standard men, it can only ever cause you problems sooner or later. Children aside, why exactly are you with your OH?

I wish you luck but it's gonna take a lot more than luck to get to the bottom of this!

ChocChipCookie

Original post removed

ChocChipCookie

Original post removed.

ChocChipCookie

Original post removed.

YoungBaker

polesalot wrote: »

She has mentioned it to him before. The bottom line is when you have a child you have to stop being one yourself and he clearly hadn't grown up.

Surely it's far better to have two parents that are happier apart than two that are just making everyone's lives miserable?

Well obviously - but then surely the OP should have considered this before ever getting involved, married and subsequently having child with her OH?

I agree that she has been brave and fair enough has likely made the right decision - but this guy is who he is, and you are hearing one side of a story here.

I am just trying to put a bit of perspective on the fact that he has always been like this and OP has said herself she knew that - so why is she then surprised when she marries him and has a kid that he hasn't changed to her ways and therefore it's time to just leave then? Fair enough he needs to grow up clearly and start acting like a responsible father and husband and look after his family

patricia1066

You sound ready to be friendly to him even now in the white hot heat of irritation (which is so understandable), so the signs are good that you will continue to look after your DS together but apart.

The main caregiver, which sounds like you, will need a place to raise DS so sort that first through your legal adviser.

The comment fearing that he would withhold DS from you, relates to retaining the home based on his responsibility to care. His ability to pay the mortgage is less relevant as there are benefits he may be entitled to as a non-student. For that matter you may be entitled to some benefits as a single parent student. Highly complex area of benefit law which would require advice from your college before taking action.

I strongly recommend getting legal advice; you may be ambivalent about resorting to a legal process to deal with what can be personally negotiated, but it is hard to look out for your own interest in these situations.

j19842

Am I the only one here who thinks the OP is coming across as downright selfish and "me, me me"

Give the guy a rest. Some women have to put up with violent, drunken partners who have never done a days work in their lives. Some women put up with serious emotional and financial abuse.

From what I gather, this bloke is a loving guy, who, albeit not a high-earner, still goes out there every day and works hard.

Your only beef with this guy, from the posts I can see, are that he doesn't earn enough to keep you both if you're out of work, that he doesn't do much housework, and he spent some money (which I expect he was more than entitled to) on one peice of entertainment for himself, and a car, which he probably needs for work.

Some women would die for a bloke like this. I think you are staring a gift horse in the mouth.

In the scheme of things, if he's a good dad, and a loving faithful husband, the faults you list are MINOR, and the only unreasonable person here is you, for not sticking by the values you swore to and working together to change.

Rememebr your wedding day "Better or worse, richer or poorer"

I'm guessing you had your fingers crossed. I can only conclude that, the only person you really care about, is yourself.

You have gone back on these lifelong, fundemental vows you made to this person, which in my view, is nothing short of a disgrace.

The thread title "2012 will be MY Year" shows exactly who this person is thinking of. And it's certainly not her husband (or her kid).

All - whether or not you agree with my post, please spare a thought for this poor bloke whose life, family, and whole world has probably catastrophically fallen apart as a result of this posters selfishness....

mountainofdebt

I must admit I have some sympathy for j19842's pov.

I can appreciate that its frustrating for the OP if things are stressful and her OH doesn't seem to see the mess (must admit I'm guilty of that sometimes) but hasn't the OP to a certain extent chosen to make her life stressful for example with the studying etc? Isn't becuase she has chosen to do an intensive course that her social life has suffered and not becuase he's prevented her going out?

vasseur

j19842 wrote: »

Give the guy a rest. Some women have to put up with violent, drunken partners who have never done a days work in their lives. Some women put up with serious emotional and financial abuse.

Some people are gluttons for punishment.

Your only beef with this guy, from the posts I can see, are that he doesn't earn enough to keep you both if you're out of work, that he doesn't do much housework, and he spent some money (which I expect he was more than entitled to) on one peice of entertainment for himself, and a car, which he probably needs for work.

She already stated that she was putting the mpney away for him.

Some women would die for a bloke like this.

Yes they have very low self-esteem and settle for a useless partner rather than have no partner at all.

In the scheme of things, if he's a good dad, and a loving faithful husband, the faults you list are MINOR, and the only unreasonable person here is you, for not sticking by the values you swore to and working together to change.

Rememebr your wedding day "Better or worse, richer or poorer"

To be fair he has taken no responsibility for the finances and when he did do something off his wn back he got them into even more of a mess.

I can only conclude that, the only person you really care about, is yourself.

I think the OP has shown completely the opposite.


The thread title "2012 will be MY Year" shows exactly who this person is thinking of. And it's certainly not her husband (or her kid).

All - whether or not you agree with my post, please spare a thought for this poor bloke whose life, family, and whole world has probably catastrophically fallen apart as a result of this posters selfishness

:rotfl:....

I think the only thing the OP is guilty of is making a rod for her own back by 'mothering' her husband too much.

Everyone has a breaking point.

YoungBaker

Definitely agree with the last few posters - OP needs to get over herself and her amazing salary and ambitions and stop looking down on her husband and stick to the vows she made the serious commitment to and made a child with.