2012 will be my year

ChocChipCookie

Original post removed.

Thanks to those who have posted support - I came on here on the advice of a friend for practical support, but am touched there are others who have offered more. However there are a number of comments that weren't so helpful and I realised these are the type of people I'm currently trying to get out of my life. Some think I'm selfish, but frankly they don't know the situation or what is currently going on for either party and I've seen too many people stay in unloving relationships and what happens to them to continue in one myself. Yes there is a child involved, but I hope they understand one day why I'm doing what I'm doing, that it isn't just for my sake but theirs too.

So whilst I know this forum is of much help to many, it's not for me.

fannyanna

No idea on the practical side but I wanted to say well done to you. Even though you're in a difficult situation you've been brave enough to go it alone and break away to make a clean start. That's pretty impressive to me!

meritaten

you are doing the right thing - except for moving in with your parents if I have understood your post right.
he needs to be ousted from YOUR house hun! if he hasnt worked or contributed to it any way - then its still YOUR house! get him out!
oh and make sure he hasnt got access to YOUR money hun!

ChocChipCookie

Original post removed.

vintagebrighton

If you're married (which I think you are from the above post) then he has marital rights to the home the same as if he owned it and you moved in when you married. If you're serious about separating then you need legal advice about the practicalities, specifically about where you're going to live with a small child. You also need stability for your studies.

Good luck with it all, you certainly have your hands full there

vasseur

Good luck with everything. Definitely seek legal advice about the home. You'll be grateful to have something that's yours as your son gets bigger.

I'll hazard a guess that you might even find things a little easier to start with because you won't have the resentment building up because you are having to do everything while your OH sits and plays computer games.

Being a single parent is tough but it's so rewarding.

busiscoming2

Well done for having the strength to have it out with him and being proactive.

I might get slated for saying this and it could be construed as being out of order, but you say your son is staying with him for a few weeks. Could there be the possibility he won't be reasonable about letting your son come back to you and instigate residency proceedings? Just a thought.

vasseur

busiscoming2 wrote: »

I might get slated for saying this and it could be construed as being out of order, but you say your son is staying with him for a few weeks. Could there be the possibility he won't be reasonable about letting your son come back to you and instigate residency proceedings? Just a thought.

I was wondering this too. I'll be following your story. Keep us all posted.

ChocChipCookie

Original post removed.

YoungBaker

Well done for you for standing up and everything but is this really the right solution?

To be honest it is quite clear from your post that you are very resentful to your husband for the fact he maybe isn't as outgoing and ambitious as you - but you said you were aware of that from the start so if it really was going to be something that has built up and festered so much why marry him, have a child and then decide you can no longer hack it? At the end of the day you entered the relationship with your eyes open to his ways - attempted to change him by forcing him into jobs and telling him what he should be doing - and when he didn't bend to your ways your splitting a family up?

Secondly - why did you wait to Christmas to do this? It concerns me that, as an adult who has had this going on for so long, you wouldn't confront him as and when the issues arise? (For example, when hes spending savings on a games console or buying cars!) But instead you let it all build up into one thing and do it there rather than trying to address it on goingly?

Don't get me wrong - I don't mean to be harsh and you probably have done the right thing for you and your child and no-one can blame you for resenting not getting the support and help any women would want from her husband. But ultimately you need to remember that you were aware of what his attitude and lifestyle was like before you got married and had a child together -and it's a shame your kid is gonna have split parents now because your attempts to change your husband backfired.

vasseur

ChocChipCookie wrote: »

I was just struggling more and more trying to be a wife, mum, student, cook, cleaner, shoulder to cry on and quietly imploded then every once in a while exploded and threatened him that I was going to leave, then he upped his game so we plodded on for a while, then things went back to the way they were and I quietly started imploding again

She has mentioned it to him before. The bottom line is when you have a child you have to stop being one yourself and he clearly hadn't grown up.

Surely it's far better to have two parents that are happier apart than two that are just making everyone's lives miserable?