Relationship break down help and advice needed please

Broken_hearted_loserkid

Hi everyone, posting under a new name, here goes..

I've been with my other half for 7 a d a half years, 6 months ago he asked me to marry him and everything is booked for next October.

About 4 weeks ago bombshell was dropped that him and a colleague kissed on a work night out. It was just a kiss and we decide to just work through it, things were going ok but I'm a paranoid person so that wasn't helping.

A few weeks later he says he can't stop thinking about other party and needs to get away for a while to decide what he wants, I left him too it a d he appeared the next day gutted that I had taken the ring off and saying it was me that he wanted and the marriage.

Obviously since then things have been rocky and he walked out saying he didn't want to try anymore because he feels you shouldn't have too!! Which is ridiculous.

I love him with all my heart and I'm willing to try anything. Meeting tomorrow for a chat, think he might of already made up his mind though. I'm devestated. Anyone been through this or similar and come out the otherwise happy because I really don't see a light at the end of the tunnel at the moment.

Thanks

chloo

Hello Hun

Massive hugs for you!

If you read back though my old threads you will see if I had a similar issue.

All I can advise is for you to keep busy meet up with friends and family ect.

When you come to talk if you decide to stay together you need to set some ground rules such as he isn't to contact this other person must delete her number that sort of thing.

You need a bit of space to Hun

Xxx

DUTR

Sometimes, when people spout off, you know it is tripe when they then have to post under another screen name.
Anyways, I will join the party, leave him he is no good, you let him off once, he will do it again and again and again, a leopard never changes it's spots n all that.
If all was ok at home then the desire to kiss somebody else should not have been there,
you love him with all your heart, but it seems he does not share the same level of feelings,
quit now , before toddlers and further complications come along, the nice person as you are, should render it easy for you to meet the ideal bloke who won't cheat on you
Good luck for 2012

Broken_hearted_loserkid

The reason I'm posting under another name is that mine has my everyday nickname in it, I just came here for advice and don't want to complicate things by someone I know seeing it. Would I really waste my time making up stories??

Did it all work out chloo??

Thanks

DUTR

Broken_hearted_loserkid wrote: »

The reason I'm posting under another name is that mine has my everyday nickname in it, I just came here for advice and don't want to complicate things by someone I know seeing it. Would I really waste my time making up stories??

Did it all work out chloo??

Thanks

I'm not accusing you of making up the episode, it is a shame that you have found yourself in this situation, on this board I often see the bloke (who is not here) be chastised, everything is his fault and the female knows best.
Sadly this is not the reality of life, I won't find a gourmet burger at mcdonalds, meaning if all is happy in my home life then I won't be straying, fickle weak or whatever any reader wants to describe it as, the outcome is the same.
Realistically I would not say you do not need this bloke (perhaps you don't) but the feelings will not suddenly wash away, and I hope your chap does not blame his actions on the drink (if so definately leave)
As the saying goes, we do not know what goes on behind closed doors, some give harsh advise and then when they are faced with a similar situation, they appear with a new screen name

j.e.j.

It's not a good sign that he feels he shouldn't have to try anymore.. surely in any long-term relationship both parties have to put some effort and commitment in. I'm sorry things aren't working out , but as other posters have said, it might be better that you find this out now, rather than later.

chloo

Also Hun was/is this the first thing to rock the boat or have you had any other problems? Do you live together?

When you meet tomorrow is it a mutual place?

In our case he had fancied her before we got together I felt I couldn't trust him as he always talked about her and often discribed the way she looked as his ideal woman and as she always sent him texts it would often be the two of them working late she would drop him home ect the girl would say things to me like oh if I wasn't with my oh I would be with yours. We got thought it by him deleting her number and not replying to her texts and walking home and not chatting with her all the time at work she started to get the picture.


Having a heart to heart I put him in my shoes and said like how would you like it.
You must not feel guilty or bad he is the one in the wrong here and with the comment he doesn't feel he should have to try any more is stupid he clearly wants you to brush it under the carpet I think. You both need to have a heart to heart talk about where to go from here either:

Break up call off the wedding that's the end of it

Or

Stay together brush it under the carpet and worry every time he goes for a work do or you know they are on the same shift.

Or

You stay together but he needs to be hOnest with you about why he kissed someone else and about how he deals with issues in the future running away like a baby won't help you or the situation hun you need to tell him that it's very childish.

I would tell him how you feel like that you don't trust him. Also try to put it the other way around ie how would you feel if I kissed Tom from work and then left you for a few days saying I can't stoP thinking about him....he would feel like 5hit I'm sure.

I really hope things work out okay for you hunny please keep us updated!

Xxx

Broken_hearted_loserkid

We were going through a rocky patch yep, mostly due to work, he was working a lot of late shifts and me early so we weren't spending quality time together, I was getting angry when he wanted to be with his mates at the pub as I wanted to see him and I do admit that I can be a bit of a nag.

All of his real friends can see he has changed and don't know what's got into him, he's hanging out with his new work friends that all seem younger and not attached, it's like hes got cold feet and having some sort of midlife crisis.

We live together, mortgage and if we do split we will have to keep living together for a while, no other choice.

When you've been an us for that long you forget who you as a person is, I just feel lost x

DUTR

Broken_hearted_loserkid wrote: »

We were going through a rocky patch yep, mostly due to work, he was working a lot of late shifts and me early so we weren't spending quality time together, I was getting angry when he wanted to be with his mates at the pub as I wanted to see him and I do admit that I can be a bit of a nag.

All of his real friends can see he has changed and don't know what's got into him, he's hanging out with his new work friends that all seem younger and not attached, it's like hes got cold feet and having some sort of midlife crisis.

We live together, mortgage and if we do split we will have to keep living together for a while, no other choice.

When you've been an us for that long you forget who you as a person is, I just feel lost x

That is very true, although sometimes you can be more lonely in a poor relationship than being single,
anyways hear it , a relationship does not mean the rest of life stops, too many times I have read stories on here, where baby comes along and the couple devote all their time in becoming parents and frankly become boring then seem surprised when one partner does a runner.
I know that is not your situation (yet) but are you the same couple as when you 1st met beofre the mortgage and mundane home building lifestyle?

Broken_hearted_loserkid

Not at the moment we aren't but obviously people go through rough patches. To me it seems like we are throwing in the towel too easily after all this time.

If he has made his mind up what can I do though? He is just running away from all the people that truly know him and love him and taking advice from these people that probably only know half a story.

DUTR

Broken_hearted_loserkid wrote: »

Not at the moment we aren't but obviously people go through rough patches. To me it seems like we are throwing in the towel too easily after all this time.

If he has made his mind up what can I do though? He is just running away from all the people that truly know him and love him and taking advice from these people that probably only know half a story.

You can do nothing, his reasons for being in a relationship is going to be different to yours, does not make either of you right or wrong, although in the orignal post you did include"he didn't want to try anymore because he feels you shouldn't have too!! Which is ridiculous."
It is not ridiculous, a bloke cannot woo a lady for the rest of the relationship, win a heart then progress to the next stage in the relationship (whilst keeping qualities from the last stage)
Don't you have any male friends that you can discuss your situation with?