The job or the kiddies :(

KatrinaC_2

Comfort, try asking your boss if you can work "family friendly hours". I am really struggling to balance work and home at the moment and asked my boss a few months ago if I could try going onto flexitime. It has been fantastic. I still have to work during times when I am needed at work (for meetings and appointments) but it means that I can work long days now and again and take the time back when I need or want it. I also have other colleagues who work three extended 10 hour days and make up the rest of the time during school time and some who have gone onto part time or job share.

If your boss thinks so highly of you that he called you to ask if you'd work for him, he must value your experience and skills. It would certainly be worth asking him whether you could try flexitime or extended days or working from home or even going part time, especially whilst you need the money (and if you're like me the time to speak to grown-ups!)

Kat

Silverstar

It's probably not much of a suggestion, considering that you seem to already have made your mind up about what to do, but my sister and I were about the same age as your kids when my mum went back to work, when we were little. There were no breakfast and after school clubs when we were kids, so what my mum did was drop us at a friend's house before she left for work in the morning, and the same friend's mother would pick us up from school in the evening, and take us back to her house for a couple of hours before my mum arrived to take us home. My mum used to pay my friend's mum something to do this - I don't know whether she actually gave her money, or whether she gave her a gift every so often or something instead, but that's kind of beside the point.

It was far nicer doing that than going to a school club, where you feel like you're still at school. We got to spend loads of time with our friends, we had our 'adopted mother' (that's what we used to call our friend's mum), and my mum was able to work without worrying about us.

Would you be able to do something similar at all? Do your kids have a friend whose parents might be willing to help out in such a way?

emmaroids

your kids must come first, regardless of how much debt you could clear, they may resent you later in life if you dont give them the time now.

you can clear your debts later, make your kids top priority now.

Spendless

Silverstar wrote:

It's probably not much of a suggestion, considering that you seem to already have made your mind up about what to do, but my sister and I were about the same age as your kids when my mum went back to work, when we were little. There were no breakfast and after school clubs when we were kids, so what my mum did was drop us at a friend's house before she left for work in the morning, and the same friend's mother would pick us up from school in the evening, and take us back to her house for a couple of hours before my mum arrived to take us home. My mum used to pay my friend's mum something to do this - I don't know whether she actually gave her money, or whether she gave her a gift every so often or something instead, but that's kind of beside the point.

It was far nicer doing that than going to a school club, where you feel like you're still at school. We got to spend loads of time with our friends, we had our 'adopted mother' (that's what we used to call our friend's mum), and my mum was able to work without worrying about us.

Would you be able to do something similar at all? Do your kids have a friend whose parents might be willing to help out in such a way?

AFAIK you can't do this nowadays as if you are offerring payment for providing childcare the provider has to be registered.

You could look for a childminder instead Comfort but if the problem is lying with the amount of time your kids are in childcare, it may not make a difference changing to a different type of provider.

I think the poster who mentioned sleeping problems may not be resolved even if you stop work, had a point. We are currently having problems with my nearly 7yo over this and he goes to asc once a week, so I don't believe it's to do with this. I also think asking your employer for more flexible hours was a good idea, especially if he thinks the alternative is to lose you.

Mrs_Optimist

I would ditto the above. Speak to your Boss and see if there is anyway of working flexible hours/days so you reduce or cut out the before or after school clubs. Or start early so that you can collect them from school, or vice versa. My children are the same age as yours. DD is 8 and is a night owl, she can still be awake at 11pm whether I am working the next day or not. Why dont you speak to your daughter and find out how she feels about your working? Maybe you could come to a comprmoise. My DD is very mature for her age. She understands why mummy and daddy have to work and appreciates the extras she can have as a result. I do agree though that if push comes to shove your children should come first (as they obviously do in your case). However if you are stressed out about your debts children will pick up in that fact also. You have to weigh up what is more important.

bommer

QUOTE: "Yes I think I have already made up my mind to leave. I promised myself before I started that if anything (even the tiniest thing) went wrong I would never let my children suffer through my decisions."

I'm sorry to have to ask but did you actually want to go back to work and as you seem to have taken this problem which is not in fact a new one as an excuse to give up working completely? I don't know your personal circumstances but I know that after obviously 8 years of not working full time it must have been just as much a shock to you as the kids.

It is hard work having a job, and looking after a home and kids (including lets face the hubby as well). Especially as they will all have been use to you being at home all day. House clean and tidy, washing up to date, shopping done in peace

You will also probably be feeling tired now - 3 months into a new full time job especially as you have lost all your free time now the kids are at school full time.

The money was obviously the temptation initally but that soon wears off when you are feeling tired and low. Also the kids only make you feel guilty anyway. Mine still try to do it now.

I would definitely try to compromise, especially as the one main aim was to be debt free

Comfort

I was dubious I must admit. But it was one of those situations where I knew if I didn't try I would forever look back and wonder what if. It was a big risk to take but I decided to give it a go. You've hit the nail on the head about how hard it is, yes after 8 years its a long time, and this is the first time I've had to hold down a full time job along with family and home life. In addition to this I spend 2 hours a day travelling which doesn't help. Perhaps I've given up too easily. I don't really know.

Ali-OK

I had an identical situation with my DS at school and took the decision to negotiate to work back at my local office, instead of travelling each day. His work was suffering, he was tired and becoming unhappy - I was away from him for up to 12 hrs per day.

Yes, reduced salary, but DS (he was 5) went back to his normal self within weeks and I am sooo glad I did it. Travelling of 1.5 hrs each day, constant worry of being late back and being incredibly tired...had a knock on effect on both of us.

As others have said, if you can negotiate something with your employer that maybe the solution.

Good luck.

bommer

I would seriously suggest speaking to your boss, they obviously wanted you in the first place, because of your skills or they wouldn't have contacted you. It's not about giving up easily its about finding a compromise that suits both you, the kids, the OH and work.

Until you actually approach work they won't know what your situation is and how hard you are finding returning to work. It is a very different situation now to eight years ago. Companies are more interested in retaining the skills of their workers than loosing them. There are more family orientated opportunities that you can ask for as well.

Lets face it if you did give up your job without trying to find a compromise, once you were back at home for a couple of weeks and refreshed you would probably be beating yourself up that you gave in to easily and lost all the possibiliites that the new job/money could give you.

Also don't beat yourself up about home as well, you just need to be organised. There are many ways around sorting both out, including everyone helping out (kids included).

Wiggly_Worm

Hey themaccas - *all* mothers feel like the worst mother in the world, whatever they do! I think the guilt just comes as part of the package