I feel so lonely and let down...

Sea78

Hi,

I can also relate to feeling like this, especially after moving to an area where my dh comes from, has friends already and family too. However, after a period of feeling really low I decided to do something about it. I went through my address book and just wrote letters to loads of people (ok, everyone in my address book!). Although this cost about £9 for postage, I felt brilliant. Only a few have replied with letters (which made my day) but a few have phoned and some emailed. It made me feel better because I knew that I'd made the first step in reminding people i was still around, while also making the step of contact. I know some won't reply, as they're busy or quite simply can't be bothered but it's been nice to see who did reply (I had a few nice surprises). Also the older generation of my family love me all the more!

Not sure if it is suitable for everyone, but has really helped me - emails are jsut not the same and it also shows people who may not have thought that they've let things slide, that you still care.

Sea xx

skintas_2

lush_walrus wrote:

I'm sorry to hear how you feel, but as someone who lives on the other side of the coin and has had one of my best friends in the past feel similar to you, maybe I can help!

The thing with life is there are people who are totally happy in their own company and those that need others to be around them.

Personally, I like my own space and that is my top priority. To me life is incredibly busy, I have work to worry about, a BF, parents and sister to meet before I even start to worry about my friends! As much as I adore my friends, my space comes first always and if in the times I want to be around others, they do too, then brilliant we meet. If not, then nothing will move me to meet up, other than if they have a genuine problem or need some company then yes as a friend I will meet them.

The thing I have found is that the more I am like this, the more attention I attract and the more people I draw to me. And perhaps this is where you are going wrong. I don't want to affend you at all, but could you perhaps be slightly too needy and through that putting too much pressure on people to support you?

One of my best friends was like that and could never understand why no one ever really called her, but she simply never gave anyone any space to. Whenever I would think about calling her, she would already be on the phone. If I thought about seeing her, she would already be arranging it, etc etc. So in the end she felt as if she was doing everything in our friendship, but infact whenever I wanted to do anything because she was constantly contacting me, she would always get there first. I told her thats how I felt, she backed off and our friendship was saved as suddenly I had space to invite her to things.

This might not be the case with you, but it might be worth considering. There is nothing wrong with being the person that chases people, as that is nice too...BUT it leaves no space for others to want you and means that the person chasing to meet or calling etc can start to feel as if they always have to do such and such and no one cares.

My advice would be try to relax about it, try to find happiness in doing your own thing and I am sure new people will flock to you.

yep i stopped phoning the person i thought was my friend and meet others, ok i still think about her, sometimes i get angry, i found out she is a selfish person anyway, better off without her, i realised i couldnt tell her my business, as she chats to much and i didnt trust her, or really like her anymore,

skintas_2

lush_walrus wrote:

I'm sorry to hear how you feel, but as someone who lives on the other side of the coin and has had one of my best friends in the past feel similar to you, maybe I can help!

The thing with life is there are people who are totally happy in their own company and those that need others to be around them.

Personally, I like my own space and that is my top priority. To me life is incredibly busy, I have work to worry about, a BF, parents and sister to meet before I even start to worry about my friends! As much as I adore my friends, my space comes first always and if in the times I want to be around others, they do too, then brilliant we meet. If not, then nothing will move me to meet up, other than if they have a genuine problem or need some company then yes as a friend I will meet them.

The thing I have found is that the more I am like this, the more attention I attract and the more people I draw to me. And perhaps this is where you are going wrong. I don't want to affend you at all, but could you perhaps be slightly too needy and through that putting too much pressure on people to support you?

One of my best friends was like that and could never understand why no one ever really called her, but she simply never gave anyone any space to. Whenever I would think about calling her, she would already be on the phone. If I thought about seeing her, she would already be arranging it, etc etc. So in the end she felt as if she was doing everything in our friendship, but infact whenever I wanted to do anything because she was constantly contacting me, she would always get there first. I told her thats how I felt, she backed off and our friendship was saved as suddenly I had space to invite her to things.

This might not be the case with you, but it might be worth considering. There is nothing wrong with being the person that chases people, as that is nice too...BUT it leaves no space for others to want you and means that the person chasing to meet or calling etc can start to feel as if they always have to do such and such and no one cares.

My advice would be try to relax about it, try to find happiness in doing your own thing and I am sure new people will flock to you.

yep i stopped phoning the person i thought was my friend and meet others, ok i still think about her, sometimes i get angry, i found out she is a selfish person anyway, better off without her, i realised i couldnt tell her my business, as she chats to much and i didnt trust her, or really like her anymore,

skintas_2

lush_walrus wrote:

I'm sorry to hear how you feel, but as someone who lives on the other side of the coin and has had one of my best friends in the past feel similar to you, maybe I can help!

The thing with life is there are people who are totally happy in their own company and those that need others to be around them.

Personally, I like my own space and that is my top priority. To me life is incredibly busy, I have work to worry about, a BF, parents and sister to meet before I even start to worry about my friends! As much as I adore my friends, my space comes first always and if in the times I want to be around others, they do too, then brilliant we meet. If not, then nothing will move me to meet up, other than if they have a genuine problem or need some company then yes as a friend I will meet them.

The thing I have found is that the more I am like this, the more attention I attract and the more people I draw to me. And perhaps this is where you are going wrong. I don't want to affend you at all, but could you perhaps be slightly too needy and through that putting too much pressure on people to support you?

One of my best friends was like that and could never understand why no one ever really called her, but she simply never gave anyone any space to. Whenever I would think about calling her, she would already be on the phone. If I thought about seeing her, she would already be arranging it, etc etc. So in the end she felt as if she was doing everything in our friendship, but infact whenever I wanted to do anything because she was constantly contacting me, she would always get there first. I told her thats how I felt, she backed off and our friendship was saved as suddenly I had space to invite her to things.

This might not be the case with you, but it might be worth considering. There is nothing wrong with being the person that chases people, as that is nice too...BUT it leaves no space for others to want you and means that the person chasing to meet or calling etc can start to feel as if they always have to do such and such and no one cares.

My advice would be try to relax about it, try to find happiness in doing your own thing and I am sure new people will flock to you.

yep i stopped phoning the person i thought was my friend and meet others, ok i still think about her, sometimes i get angry, i found out she is a selfish person anyway, better off without her, i realised i couldnt tell her my business, as she chats to much and i didnt trust her, or really like her anymore,

skintas_2

lush_walrus wrote:

I'm sorry to hear how you feel, but as someone who lives on the other side of the coin and has had one of my best friends in the past feel similar to you, maybe I can help!

The thing with life is there are people who are totally happy in their own company and those that need others to be around them.

Personally, I like my own space and that is my top priority. To me life is incredibly busy, I have work to worry about, a BF, parents and sister to meet before I even start to worry about my friends! As much as I adore my friends, my space comes first always and if in the times I want to be around others, they do too, then brilliant we meet. If not, then nothing will move me to meet up, other than if they have a genuine problem or need some company then yes as a friend I will meet them.

The thing I have found is that the more I am like this, the more attention I attract and the more people I draw to me. And perhaps this is where you are going wrong. I don't want to affend you at all, but could you perhaps be slightly too needy and through that putting too much pressure on people to support you?

One of my best friends was like that and could never understand why no one ever really called her, but she simply never gave anyone any space to. Whenever I would think about calling her, she would already be on the phone. If I thought about seeing her, she would already be arranging it, etc etc. So in the end she felt as if she was doing everything in our friendship, but infact whenever I wanted to do anything because she was constantly contacting me, she would always get there first. I told her thats how I felt, she backed off and our friendship was saved as suddenly I had space to invite her to things.

This might not be the case with you, but it might be worth considering. There is nothing wrong with being the person that chases people, as that is nice too...BUT it leaves no space for others to want you and means that the person chasing to meet or calling etc can start to feel as if they always have to do such and such and no one cares.

My advice would be try to relax about it, try to find happiness in doing your own thing and I am sure new people will flock to you.

yep i stopped phoning the person i thought was my friend and meet others, ok i still think about her, sometimes i get angry, i found out she is a selfish person anyway, better off without her, i realised i couldnt tell her my business, as she chats to much and i didnt trust her, or really like her anymore,