I feel so lonely and let down...

discodiva123

Im sorry to here how your feeling, im 23 and recently had a disagreement with a friend ive known since i was 5, i thought id wait til she rang me and im still waiting three months on shes sent me the odd txt but its not really the same.

ive now learnt that sometimes people will take advantage of friendships and that its often best to put the effort in with people who make the effort back. i was always the agony aunt in our circle and as weve got older ive realised that frirndship is give and take. now i spent time with tthe people who have time for me.

ive started a new job and met some nice people not quite friends yet and ive starte to do what i want with my life and not always do what others want. i hope you feel happier soon.

climbgirl

An interesting thread for sure...

One thing I just wanted to add is that friendships take work, just like any other relationship. And sometimes it's damn hard work! There's a lot of posts on here saying "it's their turn to call so I haven't bothered" and similar sentiments. I don't really get that, friendship isn't about "turns". Yes, it can't be a one-way street where one party is being used by the other. But the balance can be there in other ways.

I have a friend who lives on the other side of the world who I always have to call - if I waited for her turn to call we'd never speak. But that's just the way she is, she's rubbish at keeping in touch with people. Doesn't mean we're not close friends, or that she's not thinking about me, or that she doesn't give back in other ways. It just means I do the calling.

The other thing to remember is that people change. There are very few people in your life who will be there for the duration. Some friends I had at university or school have long since drifted away because our lives took us in different directions or we had less and less in common. There's nothing wrong with that, you go out and make new ones in whatever way you can - joining clubs, through work, online.

And you work hard at the friendships that are still in your life.

TOBRUK

Cheer up everyone, I am really trying not to feel lonely - just manage to block it out and not think about it.

I am in a situation where I hardly see anyone - moved to an area because of work, but 7 years ago had to leave work because of my health. I had bought a house where I live alone, my family are 100 miles away, I hardly leave the house and have no social life (don't get out because of my health) so different to when I was working.

The friends I had made at work have drifted away, let's face it, their lives are pretty busy and my life is on hold. The place I live is ok although I don't know the area or the people, although I have been living here for 8 and a half years. I don't see or speak to anyone for days, but I speak to family over the phone every day - otherwise I would go mad!

I am lucky that I am comfortable with my own company, and am able when well enough to fill my time with interests I have and the things I am able to do. It is hard at times and when I am feeling a bit down, not to let on to my family how I am feeling. I have thought of moving back home to live, I would have to sell the house and sort out a few things, but then there aren't any prospects of work in the area if I were to become well enough to work again! On the other hand, I would see people every day, know the area and the people. It's hard isn't it.

in_debt_again_but_dealing_with_it

I actually cried late last night because despite being surrounded by a lovely family I feel so alone. I've never felt like somebody's no.1, I feel like there is nobody looking out just for me which is really pathetic because nobody would know I feel like that because I seem so together and self assured. I'm one of lifes "copers" and know I carry a shell around me, I'm involved with lots of things, help lots of events and sort out the family etc but have no true friends, I think because everyone, including family (except my children!), have hurt me in the past. Reading this back I sound pathetic no wonder I have no true friends, lol, what a whinger. It would be nice to have "couple friends" to go out with now and again though we never go out now cause it does get boring on our own!!

climbgirl

in_debt_again_and_stupid wrote:

I feel like there is nobody looking out just for me which is really pathetic because nobody would know I feel like that because I seem so together and self assured. I'm one of lifes "copers" and know I carry a shell around me, I'm involved with lots of things, help lots of events and sort out the family etc but have no true friends.

I was thinking about this just after I posted actually! How many people posting on this thread are feeling let down by certain friends but haven't actually said anything to them, have just let the friendships drift?

You might find the friend has their own stuff going on that they're bottling up and is pulling away because you're pulling away...you get the picture. Maybe a good, frank talk might help things. Nobody can possibly know you're feeling like this unless you tell them...

I know it doesn't apply in all situations, sometimes a friendship is just best left to slide. Only you can judge that. But I wouldn't ever let one go without at least talking it out first. People often make a lot of assumptions about other peoples' behaviour without knowing the reasons for it.

in_debt_again_but_dealing_with_it

I'm always thinking everyone else is better than me, or I'm not worthy, everyone else has a better life etc etc. I really am sounding pathetic now but its true. thinking about it perhaps I should make friends with myself before I try making other friends - but how ... lol!!

climbgirl

in_debt_again_and_stupid wrote:

I'm always thinking everyone else is better than me, or I'm not worthy, everyone else has a better life etc etc. I really am sounding pathetic now but its true. thinking about it perhaps I should make friends with myself before I try making other friends - but how ... lol!!

I think you might have just hit the nail on the head there!

Stop comparing yourself to everyone else, there's no point, it's only self-destructive. You can't change what other people do, only yourself. Start thinking more about yourself - all the good points about yourself, list them if you have to. Remind yourself of them all the time. Even if it's a simple thing like "I make great brownies". Don't dwell on things you don't like about yourself, unless it's to change them for the better.

If you go around being down on yourself and hating yourself all the time, that's going to be reflected to other people and it's not an attractive quality! It's not easy but only you can do somehting to change it....

do_it_today!

Climbgirl and Indebt again your thoughts are very interesting .... I have been quite ill with one thing or another for the past 6 weeks and the thought to contact friends has crossed my mind and then I've thought no... I dont want to keep telling people how sick I am - quite frankly but is it also this stiff upper lip business - could it be the same type that keeps us hiding debt from those around us?
and then... the longer the length of time the harder it is to get in touch??!!? crazy huh?? Im gonna phone some friends

MadDogWoman_2

I had/have a friend who I met in college her DH and mine we best mates at work.

The problem occurred when she got pregnant almost immediately after her wedding, I'd been having treatment for 4 years by this point so I couldn't cope with seeing her pregnant.

I've seen her a few times since but when she announced she was having twins - whilst I was waiting for IVF - I really couldn't cope.

I know it's my problem she can't help being able to get pregnant easily, it just hurt to much to be around her at the time.

I have been in contact again recently only to tell her that I've got my miracle - I'm pregnant.

joeblack066

I feel very lonely a lot of the time. I have good friends, I am lucky that way, but I have NO family sideways or upwards, I DO have 4 wonderful kids, and a gorgeous grand daughter, but I have been badly let down by the men in my life, my parents are dead, my brother went missing 19 years ago, I have no uncles, aunts cousins etc, and I have no partner. I hate it when I take DD, (9) to a Brewers Fayre type place, as there's usually all these couples, often with grandma and grandad along too. I feel like a freak! I am more than capable of being on my own (tho its a struggle financially, and I don't WANT to be on my own!), but every day I am thankful for the relationships that I have got, with my kids, my good good friends, and hopefully, one day, with myself. My advice would be, lose the dead wood, concentrate on those people who give you the 'warm fuzzies' as well as taking them from you, and look for new friendships in your life. A few good friends far out weighs a load of bad ones!