I feel so lonely and let down...

SkintMonkey

Sorry to post this here, I know that there are people here with far more serious issues to deal with, but I only feel I know you lot on this board, so hope you don't mind.

I've been feeling like this for sometime, but I've ignored it and thrown myself into my work etc, but it's starting to do my head in. I have a wonderful husband who is my best friend and who adores me. I also have fantastic parents and sister (although she lives quite far away), but I'm so lonely.

I feel that I'm always let down by friends, I always have to do the chasing to arrange get togethers/meet ups etc. I would ring them to see how they are, but they never do the same back. I'd love to be one of those people who has scores of friends who is always called up for a chat or to see how they are...if my parents are away and my husband is working late, then I feel so alone, I have no one to talk to.

I've been thinking about the 'friendships' I have and I've realised that I don't actually get anything out of them. The people don't actually make me feel particularly good, I don't seem to get anything out of the friendship. I feel stupid, used and taken for granted.

How can I make new friends to help me stop feeling like this?

Skint_Catt

I feel the same TBH. My other half is my life at the mo, and I have some 'acquaintences' through college courses I'm doing, and some friends 50 odd miles away from where I used to live. We catch up occasionally and have a good time, but we don't just phone each other for a chat.

TBH I used to struggle to hold on to any friendships, not I don't bother. I do my bit and if they stick around then great, if they don't then it's no loss to me. I do an astronomy course on a Thursday night and have met some nice people through that - we all have a good laugh and have been to the pub a few times - although they're not 'friends' yet, I'm hoping we will stay in touch when the course ends.

It's seems so hard these days to have 'good' friendships as people move around so much

Other than evenings out doing something, I'm not sure what to suggest, but I do empathise with you Monkey.

Catt xx

WISHIWASRICH_2

You should be grateful for what uve got....some people wld kill 4 a gr8 relationship with hubby, mother and sister and u have all 3

skintas_2

i felt like this moved to a new area. meet a friend i would do anything for her, have her kids once or twice a week. when she would go on a nite out, went with other people i felt left out, felt she was using me. she used to say some horrible things my oh told me she was just using me. because i dint know anyone else in my area i out up with it. i slowly started to make new friends, stopped phoning her, visitng, i realised she wasnt a friend and the whole time was stabbing me in the back the whole time. i made other friends theu the net, like faceparty, myspace, . my kids are upset cos they cant see her kids , i cant deal with her. she is all bitter now, cos i stopped doing what she wanted. the friendship was all one way. ........ people come and go, sometimes i find the people i thought i hardly know, turn out to be better friends,then the ones i thought more of. dont get down it will get better. you got all of us on mse. im never gonna get so lonely again and be used by no one, still mad about the way i was treated,just treated her the way i wanted to be treated, that was my mistake

sammiboo

I know excatly how you feel. I have been in the same situation.

It is always me that goes out of my way for people and lately i have had enough. One of my friends was supposed to be my best friend if i didnt go and see her then I wouldnt see her as she never came to see me. We last saw eachother the christmas eve before last and then I thought I'll wait and see for her to contact me about meeting up.

So as said, i havent seen her since, because i dont do the running around. Again one of my friends, her birthday was last week. I tried to arrange going for a meal. She was up for it and we were supposed to be going out for a meal, and its my birthday next week. So ideal to meet up. She went down to meet someone in Wiltshire at the weekend. A girl she had befriended on the net. Made the effort to see this person she hadnt met (she doesnt drive).

I had a text from her sunday night asking if we can postphone going out as she hasnt got any money. :mad:

I told her just to forget it and she had a go at me for over reacting. But she can make the effort to see someone she has never met, but not someone she has been friends with since college.

From my experience I would say you are better off without them. I am just convienent friend when i am needed to give lifts etc. I dont intend to bother with any of them or make the effort.

I spend a lot of time on a car forum i am an administrator there, i have been on there for 4 years and I have built up fantastic friendships on there. When I had a bad car crash not one of my local friends came to see how i was, but some of the people off this forum came to my house and they lived hundreds of miles away.

Just shows you what friendship means to some people. I have a hard attitude now with my local friends and i cant be bothered with them tbh.

SOrry for the long post

LouBlue

Well, you need to look at what you have and not what you haven't. Easier said than done, but it does work!!! I would much rather just have one or two good friends that I can really rely on, than scores of friends who let you down at the drop of a hat. Don't sell yourself short, if you are always giving and not receiving, drop them. People like that just make you feel bad about yourself. Focus on the positives you have and you have a lot, trust me!

As for new friends, try joining a club of whatever interests take your fancy or going to salsa or something fun like that!

Skint_Catt

Are you the other FFOC'er sammiboo???

Catt xx

sammiboo

Skint_Catt wrote:

Are you the other FFOC'er sammiboo???

Catt xx

erm i have no idea what you mean

crawley_girl

Hiya

I know exactly what you are saying, especially about 3 yrs ago when I fell out with my best friend of about 10 yrs. I never felt so lonely. I saw people who had masses and masses of mates, their phones were always ringing blah blah blah.

Now, I have a 3 really really good friends who I know would do anything for me and I feel exactly the same about them. I'm not really sure how I would advise you to go and find some really 'good quality mates' but I would say never discount someone until you have given them a chance. One of my good friends used to be someone that I really struggled to maintain a conversation with - she thought I was posh and up myself and I thought she was gobby - and now we can chat for hours without stopping for breath!

You don't need to feel alone when you have MSE/ DFW!!!

livinginhope

Oh SM.I know how you feel :grouphug: it's not nice is it,I can't really offer you any advice other than tell you how I have dealt with it.
I get on with most people,but like you,always end up feeling let down because I no longer work,I get taken for granted with other peoples children :mad:
I have now,over the last couple of years,learnt to enjoy my own company,I'm actually a very nice person I have also learnt to stand my ground and say NO! if someone annoys me or takes advantage,I tell them! if they want to still be around you,they won't be offended,if they can't take it,you're better off without them
I used to sit at home waiting for the phone to ring,it never did,now I keep myself busy and forget about others,now everyone is ringing me.Make yourself unavailable sometimes,it keeps people on their toes
Hope you feel better soon
LIH

misspoppy

Lots of people have been in this situation. I moved from my local area 4 years ago and had a lot of bad luck including an accident. Not one of my friends came to visit me and I knew no one in my new area.

I now have a handful of very good friends but I look at friends in a different way now. Friends come and go through out our lives and I think they are in our lives for a reason. The majority of my friends now have health problems as do I and we support each other through that. I have other friends that I just do girly cinema and meals with. I have couple friends that my bf and I go out with but there are just a couple of people that are life friends. I might not be on the phone to them every week but if I needed them I could turn up on the doorstep and they'd be there.

It can be hard at first to accept that friends aren't necessarily for life anymore but a friend assessment can help remove those that do nothing but take and although you'll have fewer numbers in your address book you'll have people that genuinely care about you.

I hope this helps