I feel so lonely and let down...

tanith

I have a friend of more than 30yrs we lived closeby when our kids were little.. well 20yrs ago she moved about 20 mins drive away I used to go visit a least once a month especially at first as she was so excited about buying a big house in the country.. and we'd chat on the phone... then I moved house , still only 20mins away and I waited for her to come visit me in my new house... I waited 8yrs for it to happen , we still chat on the phone occasionally and our kids are now all grown with kids of their own.. but she has never made the effort to come and see me , now I just can't be bothered , she rings me on odd occasions but its not the same .. I guess we just grew apart....

EDIT: Every year at Xmas I cut down a few more so called friends cards that I don't see EVER its just mad to send cards to people that I haven't seen for years and years...

chevalier

I am in the same position. I have depression, and it makes it REALLY REALLY hard to pick up the phone and talk to someone. Even people I have known for ages. And then a lot of them also work away, do shifts, so that often they would not be there anyway. I had a best friend from school who I was close to for a long time afterwards, would always meet up when I came home etc.

What did it for me with her, was her deciding to have her wedding in Italy. No worries for me, said I would come with toddler and 4 month old baby and OH. Sorry no children (this after her saying it was ok for them to come). So it was either leave OH at home and go on my own. Or leave them with relatives for a long weekend. So we didn't go, and I really told her how I felt about the whole thing.

never heard from her again. Really hurts even still. I miss her, but it is her turn to phone.....

I do also wonder whether, spending time on the web so much, effects our ability to maintain physical relationships with friends. It is much harder, I find to make the effort to arrange something involving going out, when I can have a good conversation on here.....
chev

steve700

I remember when I was about 19, my 'mates' asked me if I wanted to go to an out-of-town pub.

I said "Great but how will we get there"

"You can drive" was the response

I decided not to go and never really saw my 'mates' in the same light again.

Now I have 3 GOOD mates that I could rely on (unfortunately one of them is in Australia....)

But those 3 are more beneficial to me than 15 'fair weather' friends.

Paige

I know what you mean. I live in a small village in Wiltshire which is mostly full of very old people so I feel lonely as well. My OH works away from home alot.

I do have parents that live a 20 min drive away but no siblings at all. I have found that as I have got older- 40 - it does not bother me as much now. But all my life my so called friends take and give nothing in return. We have had firends that came to our house to eat every month all of last year and they never once invited us back. I have decided to stop being a mug now, stop doing everything for everyone else and being a doormat. I always am the person to ring, arrange outings, pick up there kids etc etc but if I need something no one seems to have the time to help. This stops now.

I have found interests to keep myself occupied, card making, watching DVDs, reading, knitting, cooking and I find this website great to dip in and out of.
Be happy. Paige X

lush_walrus

I'm sorry to hear how you feel, but as someone who lives on the other side of the coin and has had one of my best friends in the past feel similar to you, maybe I can help!

The thing with life is there are people who are totally happy in their own company and those that need others to be around them.

Personally, I like my own space and that is my top priority. To me life is incredibly busy, I have work to worry about, a BF, parents and sister to meet before I even start to worry about my friends! As much as I adore my friends, my space comes first always and if in the times I want to be around others, they do too, then brilliant we meet. If not, then nothing will move me to meet up, other than if they have a genuine problem or need some company then yes as a friend I will meet them.

The thing I have found is that the more I am like this, the more attention I attract and the more people I draw to me. And perhaps this is where you are going wrong. I don't want to affend you at all, but could you perhaps be slightly too needy and through that putting too much pressure on people to support you?

One of my best friends was like that and could never understand why no one ever really called her, but she simply never gave anyone any space to. Whenever I would think about calling her, she would already be on the phone. If I thought about seeing her, she would already be arranging it, etc etc. So in the end she felt as if she was doing everything in our friendship, but infact whenever I wanted to do anything because she was constantly contacting me, she would always get there first. I told her thats how I felt, she backed off and our friendship was saved as suddenly I had space to invite her to things.

This might not be the case with you, but it might be worth considering. There is nothing wrong with being the person that chases people, as that is nice too...BUT it leaves no space for others to want you and means that the person chasing to meet or calling etc can start to feel as if they always have to do such and such and no one cares.

My advice would be try to relax about it, try to find happiness in doing your own thing and I am sure new people will flock to you.

Skint_Catt

sammiboo wrote:

erm i have no idea what you mean

Oh, I think you do

Catt xx

Imelda

I know exactly how you feel! This year my new year's resolution was to only bother with the friends that make the effort with me. It sounds harsh, but last year I fell out with my sister, all our friends are mutual (we all grew up together) and I felt like I was being pushed out of the group. So I spent the tail end of 2006 being paranoid that they were always going out without me, always calling people so I wouldn't be forgotten, getting annoyed if I found out that some of them had gone to my sister's house and I wasn't invited- childish and stupid really.
There has been a marked change this year, I have taken a step back, and I feel so much more happy and relaxed. I no longer care if I am not invited to everything, I relish in the good friends I do have rather than wasting my energy on the ones that don't treat me so well. I have more time for my OH and the people I have met through my evening class. People change, friendships change, it is hard while it is going through that transitional period but you will come out the other side a stronger person.

hbl_2

Four of my closest friends are living abroad and wont be back this year at all.

My other close friends are nearby, but work odd shifts, so usually want to hang out from 10pm onwards, which is very difficult for me since I'm 9-5!

I'd lie in traffic for my friends so it can be frustrating if they don't always seem to value me as highly - but you can't always tell what's going in a person's life.

Hello

I think that this is far more common than people let you believe. I too don't really have any close friends, just people I used to know, however I would not admit this to anyone I know for all the tea in china!!

I am just really rubbish at keeping in touch and wished with all my heart I wasn't, but before I know it months, or even a year has gone by with no contact and how on earth can you pick up from there?

Also, I think friendship is becoming a lot more virtual. There are times when I have logged on here to catch up on someone's thread but in all honesty probably would not have made a call or visit.

H

do_it_today!

Hi All,
Very interesting thread.... I too feel I lack quality/reciprical friendships at the mo, however I do agree with some of lush Walrus' points too. Its funny because there are a couple of friendships I used to do all the running/supporting blah blah then when I questioned this the friendships pretty much desolved - then sometime last year 1-2 of these people wanted to be friends again but by then I had accepted the death of those friendships and felt no urge to rekindle them.
I feel like my oldest friendship is dying slowly and not sure whether to fight for it or just let it run its course...
The other thing is Im abit tired of being the rolemodel - the supportive to the rescue figure. i would like some mentors, friends I could learn from or just people on the same page as me.
sometimes there needs to be a void and loss of the old to make space for the new... so roll on new friends and experiences!