10 months in and 90 left to go ... the reality is starting to kick in :)

ZTD

skint_spice wrote: »

I had a dress not unlike Val's... loved it I did

But then it started pining for the fjords and had to go back to Norway...

Shortie

Nooooooooo! My huge waffle-a-thon vanished before I sent it! Okay a condensed version!

Sorry, just come back to your diary El. Re FIL, nope he's definately not the kind of person to apologise - he is stubborn and pig headed, and has alienated my SIL in a similar way (but she takes no rubbish from anyone so they've never got on in all the time I've known Mr Shortie)

I've replayed the scenario in my head a few times about what I will do if I'm faced with the situation again - I've gone from feeling wired about it straight after the last visit, and just bluntly telling him I don't like x, y & z and 'get out', to softening slightly and bluntly telling him to stop it before things go really sour. The answering back that I've been doing recently as a first attempt, has done jack to stop it

But, I'm not being made to look stupid in my own home (or at 'dos' any more either) any more. We all need a safe place and mine now feels violated every time he comes to stay. I physically feel the tension build up the day before he comes to stay now

I have tried my hardest to (kindly but seriously) get Mr Shortie to realise just how strongly I feel about it now. I sincerely hope it doesn't come to it though as it will put a lot of tension on the family and I don't want this to come between Mr Shortie and I

Shortie

elantan wrote: »

so i got all the xmas shopping that i could done, got son's belts, and plastic cash thing ( you know the big coke bottle....

Ooooo I had one of those things! I took aaaaggges to fill but I'm stubborn and don't like to open things like that until they are full - I seem to remember there was a good £150 odd in there in coppers. I spent it all on PS1 games (haha that makes me feel old now as I was only 13-ish!) - I was chuffed to bits!

Shortie

ZTD wrote: »

He's used to the magic money fairy farting and having pound coins come out. When it eventually sinks

Sorry to bring the tone down, I read this as 'When it eventually stinks" :rotfl::rotfl:

elantan

Shortie wrote: »

Nooooooooo! My huge waffle-a-thon vanished before I sent it! Okay a condensed version!

Sorry, just come back to your diary El. Re FIL, nope he's definately not the kind of person to apologise - he is stubborn and pig headed, and has alienated my SIL in a similar way (but she takes no rubbish from anyone so they've never got on in all the time I've known Mr Shortie)

I've replayed the scenario in my head a few times about what I will do if I'm faced with the situation again - I've gone from feeling wired about it straight after the last visit, and just bluntly telling him I don't like x, y & z and 'get out', to softening slightly and bluntly telling him to stop it before things go really sour. The answering back that I've been doing recently as a first attempt, has done jack to stop it

But, I'm not being made to look stupid in my own home (or at 'dos' any more either) any more. We all need a safe place and mine now feels violated every time he comes to stay. I physically feel the tension build up the day before he comes to stay now

I have tried my hardest to (kindly but seriously) get Mr Shortie to realise just how strongly I feel about it now. I sincerely hope it doesn't come to it though as it will put a lot of tension on the family and I don't want this to come between Mr Shortie and I

just wanted to bold that bit ... well done in stating your point of view, you should never feel like you are made to look stupid in your own home, your home should be a relaxing place of retreat, if he cant understand that and stick to the simple rule of respect then he doesnt deserve to stay, if he starts maybe tell him to go and if mr shortie doesnt like it maybe he needs to be seeing things from your side and not trying ti keepo the peace with his dad ... remind him he lives with you and if he chooses his dad over you he is being rather short sighted

mr el used to try and keep the peace between his parents and myself for years, till one day he caught his mother being nasty about me, he let her have it both barrels, funnily enough we now get on much better as she knows where she stands and what she can and cant get away with, we actually go on holiday together now and dont kill each other lol

good luck with it all ... let us know how it goes, if i can help at all let me know

elantan

Shortie wrote: »

Ooooo I had one of those things! I took aaaaggges to fill but I'm stubborn and don't like to open things like that until they are full - I seem to remember there was a good £150 odd in there in coppers. I spent it all on PS1 games (haha that makes me feel old now as I was only 13-ish!) - I was chuffed to bits!

oooo i may just tell him that when i hand it to him

elantan

Shortie wrote: »

Sorry to bring the tone down, I read this as 'When it eventually stinks" :rotfl::rotfl:

snerk :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: now that i would like to see

Butti

Shortie wrote: »

Nooooooooo!
But, I'm not being made to look stupid in my own home (or at 'dos' any more either) any more. We all need a safe place and mine now feels violated every time he comes to stay. I physically feel the tension build up the day before he comes to stay now

This, Shortie, is exactly why my dad doesn't visit me at home. I need somewhere I feel safe and where I feel I can invite people I want to see.

I would just be very specific. 'I don't like it when you say that...please don't say it' 'I don't like it when you criticise me in my own home...please don't or please leave' 'I would like to get a large Russian tank out and run it over your head'

(Just made that last one up!)

Be specific. What he did that you didn't like. How it made you feel. What you would like him to do instead, maybe not 'shoot yourself'.

Don't expect him to apologise...We've only got three days to the end of the world...there's not time!:D

B x

p.s. Can't he stay in a hotel?

p.p.s. Even better - look the word up in a dictionary and ask him if that is what he meant. Particularly useful for people who are articulate and critical and for words like 'stupid' and my fave 'useless'.

rising_from_the_ashes

Is it a Dad thing?

Have similar issues with mine ..... honestly, I can argue / state my case with anyone else but with him - I just fall to pieces and end up really upset and let him walk all over me.....

ZTD

rising_from_the_ashes wrote: »

Is it a Dad thing?

Have similar issues with mine ..... honestly, I can argue / state my case with anyone else but with him - I just fall to pieces and end up really upset and let him walk all over me.....

And if he was any kind of man, then he wouldn't.