Borrowed money

victory

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

CRANKY40

Put it away so that the next time he wants to borrow some and pay you back later it's there. Getting the things he wanted was reward enough, and now you know how honest he is, you'll be happy to do it again for him. What a good lad, you must be so proud of him!

Tropez

I would assume that he is going to be getting Xmas presents anyway?

In that case, I agree with the poster above. Put it aside for the next time he wants to borrow some money.

He's shown he is trustworthy, he's got what he wants, he will be getting a gift at Xmas time... there's no need to hand the money back in any other form.

Brighton_belle

Don't give it back Victory - if you did, it muddles the message if he ever wants to borrow some again, because borrowing then becomes associate with 'no cost to me at all' and by the time he is 16, you'll be wondering why DS2 takes and takes and has no sense of honour in paying back etc.
His reward is getting the lego he wanted and your appreciation of his self responsibility. You must be rightfully proud of him:T

victor2

victory wrote: »

Thanks, yes initially I wanted to give it straight back to him because of his honesty and he must have had it in his mind for a while whilst we had long forgotten it but then OH said no because if you do it once then what? as you say .

I am going to put it in his bank account and leave it there so he has it if he needs to 'borow again':D

You are right to do that, but do it with pride in your son and pride in yourself for bringing him up that way. It's nice to see the fruit of your labours!

FBaby

Giving it back to him would have been undermining the honour of the gesture. Good on your son to have remembered, he is clearly showing great values and needs to be respected for his maturity. My kids are also very good like that and will give me back money when I've forgotten, or do things they don't want to do without me having to remind me. In your situation, I certainly wouldn't have given it back, but would have made of big deal of how proud I was of him. I think showing pride and respect is worth more than any £30 to a child that age anyway.

caeler

You must be so proud. I agree with your OH, it is £30 now and he's demonstrated understanding of an important lesson, imagine when it's £750 lent to purchase his first car and you really do need that money back!! If you give him the £30 back it may set expectations later on.

kjmtidea

I wouldn't give it back to him, I would tell him how proud I am for him remembering though Paying things on time will get him far in life!

Mojisola

victory wrote: »

I am going to put it in his bank account and leave it there so he has it if he needs to 'borow again':D

Isn't putting it in his bank account the same as giving it back to him?

splishsplash

I would have had to REALLY bite my lip to stop myself giving it back to him if he were my son - so well done on staying strong!
I agree with everyone else, it would undermine the lesson he's learning if you gave the money back, but I don't see why you can't give him a small reward to show your appreciation - to reinforce the good behaviour.

pinkclouds

victory wrote: »

Thanks, yes initially I wanted to give it straight back to him because of his honesty and he must have had it in his mind for a while whilst we had long forgotten it but then OH said no because if you do it once then what? as you say .

I am going to put it in his bank account and leave it there so he has it if he needs to 'borow again':D

I'd have felt the same as you. I think putting it in his bank account is a good solution. You'll be "giving it back" but he won't know (as presumably you manage his bank account for him as he is still quite young) and thus you won't be publicly undermining his lovely gesture. It's clearly very important to him to "pay back" the money and it's right not to take that satisfaction away from him.

If he does manage his own bank account (at age 11, really?) then perhaps there is another account or piggybank it could go into? A savings plan of some sort? I think it's important that you don't overtly refuse the money. It should be squirrelled away discretely.