Help... life's rubbish :(

AvatarsAngel87

Hi,
I'm posting under a different username as I didnt really want to use my usual username for reasons that will become clear.

Problem is my life feels absolutely rubbish. I am on long-term sick from work which is making me feel extremely isolated, and unfortunately while the condition I am signed off with is extremely debilitating to me at the moment, I dont feel like I'm being taken seriously. My doctor has been absolutely amazing, she's very much taken me seriously and after trying everything under the sun, she sent me to see an incredibly unsympathetic gynaecologist who just said 'oh you're 31, you'll be wanting a family then so I'm not prepared to do anything for you, go away and get pregnant.'

At which point I blew and said my partner has an acute psychotic mental health condition and his moods can be extremely unstable. Both him and I have history of self-harm and the least little thing can cause him to have violent temper swings in which he lashes out. We are also living in a damp house with a permanently flooded kitchen due to a leaking pipe which has already caused most of the kitchen ceiling to collapse. Due to the fact it is my partner's own home we cannot afford to have it fixed and the insurance wont cover it. I pointed all this out to him and said do you seriously suggest I get pregnant at the minute?? To which he had no reply and just said the only treatment he was prepared to give me was one I had already stated firmly I did not want and my GP advised against and if I refused he would refuse to treat me.

My doctor was furious at this and I know she's been in touch with him about it but in the meantime I'm feeling rock bottom, I've lost about 50% of my hair and I'm not getting any better. As if that wasnt enough, I was assaulted (not just any assault but I cant bring myself to say the s word if you see what I mean) about 3 or 4 weeks ago. I decided not to go to the police as I was really poorly at the time and also given the fact it was a, how can I put this, member of a very well known local sports team and i was advised that he would be dealt with internally so I shouldnt bother getting the police involved.

He hasnt been dealt with at all, he's still playing for the team and having to see his smug face is killing me! My best friend has been an absolute rock through all this and some days I feel I'm getting better but some days all I want to do is cry. The doctor has given me anti-depressants which have helped a little but I've lost all my trust now, I cant bear to even let my partner near me and although I feel like I'm starting to forget it's affected me more than I thought.

I have one or two bright spots in my life but not many and I oculd talk until I'm blue in the face but it isnt helping, really. I just wondered if anyone could offer me any advice as how to make myself feel better or even how i can possibly move on from this? I dont want to linger on it forever but at the minute cant see a way out.

Thanks, AA87 x

gravitytolls

It's still not too late to go to the police, though how much help they'll be.... But it might help you to feel that you were not just letting the management fob you off.

I'd also suggest victim support. You have been a victim of a crime, a particularly unpleasant crime, but you do not need to continue to feel like his victim. VS can help you to talk about it, how you feel about the assault, the perpetrator, the response from the management and how it is continuing to affect your life. There's no miracle cure, but they really are marvellous and will truly help you, you will end up feeling much more empowered instead of powerless.

The leaky pipe problem, there must be a grant you could apply for, it is unacceptable to be living in such conditions. I doubt you feel able to search for such help, never mind go through the application process, but CAB will help you and help with applications, particularly if you're completely open. They're totally confidential, you can tell them everything you've shared here and if you're unable to tell them, print your post and take it with you.

Not much you can about the gyneacologist, you can't force him to change his mind, but you could, when you're feeling better, make a formal complaint about his cavalier attitude. It won't help you, but it could prevent him from treating someone else in such a fashion.

Don't stop talking though, the most important thing is to keep lines of communication open. Depression often has you hiding away, not answering the phone to unknown numbers etc., but places like this can help and will try, in our often blundering fashion, to be supportive.

In the meantime, if you can bring yourself to get to CAB, please do so. If you can only manage one thing, do this, because though the process of such things is slow, I really think tackling the one huge physical problem is a good start on the road to recovery.

Write a list of what's carp in your life, then put them in order of importance, then deal with them in that order.

GeeBee38

Hi

I i am sorry to read about all you are going through, i can understand why you are so upset and down.

I can't really advise on all the upsets that you are going through, as i have no personal experience....

But what i must stress, is, that no person, no matter who they are or of what importance has the right to assault someone else.

This is disgusting and it needs to be reported to the police ASAP. (never mind, it is being dealt with internally)

Also contact these people as a matter of urgency http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/index.php they will advise and help and support you.

Some other helpful links http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/index.htm may be able to advice re benefits/emergency housing repairs.

http://www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk/ can put you in touch with people who can help you.

http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/index.htm can advise/help with lots of issues

http://www.mind.org.uk/ help/Advice with mental health

Please contact them, i hope this help.........

Take care (((Hugs)))

VfM4meplse

As gravitytolls says, you need to prioritise. From what you describe, you're at a particular low point....now for some tough love.

Put the most urgent matter first and deal with your assailant by going to the police. The physical evidence will have gone by now, but make sure you have a good reason for the delay in reporting and that every single detail is included. Incriminate everyone, the powers that be at the ?FC? who claimed that they would deal with it but didn't. What did you expect them to do about it btw? Sack him rather than let legal process apply? Be aware that it's likely to sound like a malicious claim if that is the case.

Then deal with your self-harm. You can only do this by putting yourself in a safe place, I would suggest moving in with family if that is possible. Certainly you do not have the capability of dealing with a partner with the degree of personality problems that you describe, if there's one single thing you can do to improve your life, getting out of this relationship will be the most important. That takes you out of your current living environment, which being your partners house is his problem and not yours. If your GP is as wonderful as you claim, make sure she accesses professional psychiatric support for you to tackle the self-harm.

Lastly, the gynaecologist - live with it. The gynaecologist has spoken the truth, albeit bluntly, he is not a social worker so don't pin your problems on him. Reading btwn the lines you either have a condition that will improve once you have a baby, or requires a hysterectomy, so realistically there'e nothing much you can do about it. Don't think that your GP is going to able to intervene here, however sympathetic.

Take a big step to help yourself by leaving your partner. Get out of the cycle of co-dependency, and the rest won't seem so bad.

ilikewatch

I won't comment on the other matters you refer to, as you have already been given advice about these and I doubt I could add anything relevant...

However, as regards your leaking pipe, are you absolutely sure that this isn't something you could sort yourselves? In my experience, the most difficult thing about this sort of problem is gaining access without causing too much damage to the fabric of the house - if most of the kitchen ceiling has already collapsed, then I doubt you'd be able to make things any worse if you had a go.

*Robin*

ilikewatch wrote: »

I won't comment on the other matters you refer to, as you have already been given advice about these and I doubt I could add anything relevant...

However, as regards your leaking pipe, are you absolutely sure that this isn't something you could sort yourselves? In my experience, the most difficult thing about this sort of problem is gaining access without causing too much damage to the fabric of the house - if most of the kitchen ceiling has already collapsed, then I doubt you'd be able to make things any worse if you had a go.

Sorry but 'have a go' is very bad advice in this situation! Neither OP nor her boyfriend are experienced builders, plumbers or electricians, and it sounds like they've got enough to deal with already. They could certainly make things much worse if they drill into an electric cable while standing in the flooded kitchen, for example - easily done when everything is old and filthy and the leak is not obvious!

ilikewatch

*Robin* wrote: »

Sorry but 'have a go' is very bad advice in this situation! Neither OP nor her boyfriend are experienced builders, plumbers or electricians, and it sounds like they've got enough to deal with already. They could certainly make things much worse if they drill into an electric cable while standing in the flooded kitchen, for example - easily done when everything is old and filthy and the leak is not obvious!

Sorry, but I disagree - of course things could get worse if the OP drilled into an electric cable, however, just because the OP and her partner are not experienced plumbers doesn't necessarily mean that they have no common sense. I would suggest that it is likely that the health and safety issues present trying to live with a "permanently flooded kitchen" are at least as great as any that one might encounter attempting a DIY repair of a simple plumbing leak.
Obviously I wasn't suggesting that the OP should just wade in and attempt a repair with no further help/advice. However, if the source of the leak is visible it may be possible to post a photo so that others can advise if a DIY repair appears possible - the OP could then consider if they felt confident in doing this.
The job may be complicated and expensive and something that the OP would never attempt themselves, on the other hand, the leak may be due to a leaking compression joint, or a failed solder joint which is easily accessible and quite within the scope of a well advised amateur to correct.

victory

You have to look at things one thing at a time....

The assault report it, does not matter where he works, who he is, if it is assault report it NOW.

The flooding have you not had anyone round to price it up? Do you not know anyone that knows anyone that could give you a better price?

Self harming there are online forums that can help you, you are not alone in that and ther are many people that understand perfectly.

Go back to your GP and insist on more help, see another doctor, google what can be done for your condition, take the info to the docs, join forums with your specific needs and get help.

babymoo

Go back to your GP and ask to see another gynaecologist. What was the treatment your refusing and is there a particular reason behind this? I can totally understand how anything gynaecologically can be terrifying and I myself was told to go and get pregnant by the first gynaecologist I ever saw, at the wonderful age of 14. Some of them are just REALLY not helpful. I have had Endometriosis and MRKH since I was 11, if you would like to talk about anything like this then please feel free to PM me.

I have been on long term sick for 4 years, after suffering for 10 years from numerous debilitating conditions. It took me 10 years to realise that while your feeling ridiculously low and vulnerable the only person who will fight for you is you. It will take you a while to find that fighting attitude and "I'm not taking no as an answer" attitude but when you find it you stop treating yourself as a victim and a sufferer and you start being a "doer" (I hope this makes sense). As soon as you start having this attitude and you show this in the way you walk and talk it is amazing how much more gets done for you but you really have to shout the loudest, if that makes sense.

Life can and will get better. You just have to take the reins. I know when I was feeling at my lowest someone telling me that would have just made me go "And how the hell do I do that, not gonna happen" I guarantee you that at some point it will do, it might take years but eventually you will find that fighting spirit to get what you want and need.

I was assaulted when I was 15. I never went to the police and my blood boils and I feel sick whenever I see my attacker walking around town even now. I know this is my fault for never reporting him, don't let the same thing happen to you hun. Good luck x

AvatarsAngel87

Wow, so many replies.. thanks everyone.

Will deal with points 1 at a time.

I'm not actually self-harming at the moment but I do have a history of it. Getting out at the moment isnt an option, my family live a long way away and i have no-one here to help me. I've managed with the help and support I am getting not to self-harm and I'm proud of that fact.

Point 2 - the assault.

My best mate has said exactly the same thing. She cant believe I would let him get away with it - all I wanted his employers to do is discipline him so he wouldnt do it again. He is a big guy and if he got hold of some smaller girl he could go a lot worse than what he did to me. I'm about to go away for a bit so I'm going to think it over and likely speak to the police when I get back. Part of me is worried about not being believed but I'm not the type to cry wolf.

Point 3 - my health problems.

VFM - my condition means I am physically unable to have a child at the moment and this fact is extremely glaringly obvious. My GP is of the opinion I need surgical intervention not being told I should do something which is impossible which is why she is so mad! babymoo - he wants to fit a coil despite the fact I am bleeding so heavily that the GP says it will just fall straight out again - I dont want to have to go through the trauma of having one fitted for it to drop straight out again.
I'm waiting for the results of the tests my GP ordered - she's trying to push for me to be seen sooner and by someone else as she feels the way I've been treated is unacceptable.

Thanks again everyone xxx

MarilynMonroe_2

Hi, really sorry to read what youre going through ((hugs)) xxx

Re the leak, is it a leak from the water tank? You could cordon off the stop !!!! to stop it leaking, put a stick underneath it to keep it up, also means youre without bathroom water though.