Ex-partners - how involved?

clearingout

why should your children be on his insurance (when you have them) but not the children by his marriage?

Whilst I agree it sounds like she's fine financially and can afford to 'move on' with the insurance, why on earth should she pay for the children's insurance if he's going to have more children and pay for their insurance? I'm not sure 'because she can afford to' is enough?

Valli

Funnily enough a mate of mine expected her ex-husband to do a lot of things for her - like decorating part of her house in which his kids lived - and other DIY type jobs. I believed, at the time, she considered that he owed it to her, given the circumstances of the break-up of their marriage.
Me (as my marriage broke up not long after hers) - I redecorated myself, albeit with the help of my mum. Mind you she was (and is) fairly 'vulnerable' and 'female'...make of that what you will! Also my ex was carp at DIY. She says I am the only person who realises she's not strong (personally I wonder what all her other 'friends' see - I know she's not a strong person in some respects!)

So, OP you can look at it from the angle that he is being played by a 'vulnerable' woman who can't cope on her own and expects someone - and he is a fairly obvious candidate as he 'owes' her with respect to the children - to help her out OR he is a nice guy who wants to do the best for his family.

(My mate has now remarried so she's ok;))

sharrison778

clearingout wrote: »

why should your children be on his insurance (when you have them) but not the children by his marriage?

Whilst I agree it sounds like she's fine financially and can afford to 'move on' with the insurance, why on earth should she pay for the children's insurance if he's going to have more children and pay for their insurance? I'm not sure 'because she can afford to' is enough?

Because she is the primary carer. If the kids are on an insurance policy with us, she cant access their information or claim benefits on their behalf. And as their mother, she should be able to take them to, say, the dentist and put the private health insurance claim in on the spot - rather than paying for it then sending us the paperwork so we can make the claim.

And she should be paying for the insurance because thats exactly what child support is designed to cover.

brokenlily

Can he not offer to pay half the cost of the children having a separate insurance policy, with her? I know you say child support is meant to cover these things, I suppose it depends how much he's paying, but maybe if he offered that, she would be more amenable? I know it's more money, but if you are able to do it, it could solve the issue if she's concerned with the expense.

I am very sympathetic to how you must feel because it's a significant thing having joint affairs with your ex when you're in a new relationship. My partner didn't like that I still had a joint bank account with my ex, even though it wasn't used, and it was only still active because my ex ran up an overdraft on it and it couldn't be closed until that was paid off, but it was the idea that I still had ties to him he struggled with.

euronorris

sharrison778 wrote: »

Because she is the primary carer. If the kids are on an insurance policy with us, she cant access their information or claim benefits on their behalf. And as their mother, she should be able to take them to, say, the dentist and put the private health insurance claim in on the spot - rather than paying for it then sending us the paperwork so we can make the claim.

And she should be paying for the insurance because thats exactly what child support is designed to cover.

But, if they separated this insurance policy, wouldn't your bf find himself in exactly the same position as you described above? So, if the kids were in his care and became ill or had an accident, he would have to pay for medical care up front and then send her paperwork etc etc which is a lot of hassle for him.

I suspect he keeps it the way it is, because it suits them to do that.

lime1996

Please don't take this the wrong way but this is NOT your decision to make, the arrangement he makes with his soon to be ex-wife is his decision not yours.
Quote "What I want is for all financial ties (other than child support) to be cut so my boyfriend and I can start our life together"

As for when (Quote)"....I can start our life together" it has already started,:) it sounds like you want the ex-wife to disappear, that is never going to happen due to them having children a bond they will always have. So, learn to live with it and enjoy what you have with your boyfriend at the moment with him and what you can have in the future.

This situation is about their children and their financial commitments for the future, and that at the moment has nothing to do with you, you are not the wife!

Sometimes it is hard to step away from the situation, but you have to as it sounds like you are putting your foot down and sometimes that can backfire. Believe me, it will work out, just have some faith in your boyfriend. Put demands down on him with regard to his commitments to his kids and you could find you are shown the door.

He sounds like a good man just trying to do the right things for his kids, remember they are his number one priority in this not you, you are a grown up who can look after herself, he is making sure they are all ok