Ex-partners - how involved?

Treed

Surely after they have been split for so long they should have parted ways by now? Meaning the insurance policy.
You yourself agree that if its in the interest of the kids then you are fine with it. Seems she hasnt truly let go and depends on him a large amount.
This is obviously bothering you a lot, does your boyfriend understand how this is making you feel? - the reasons behind you not wanting him to go out of his way for someone that should be capable of doing such things herself.
I do agree you need to support your boyfriend, however if you cannot see the reasons why he is comfotable doing this then im sure you find it hard to. Simply not wanting conflict or arguments and sorting after an easy life suggests that maybe if he doesnt just comply with her requests then he himself will be given grief.
I cannot suggest much other than the fact of reasoning with your boyfriend on his ex. Where the kids are concerned im sure its not a problem for you if he travels a distance. Seems hes not just doing it for the kids though.

neverdespairgirl

sharrison778 wrote: »

Re health insurance - she can stay with the same insurance provider and still retain a good deal for her and the children. I'm simply suggesting she get her own policy rather than wanting to stay on one connected to her ex husband. The deal he has access to is a good one and whilst she is on the policy, I cant be.

If it's a good deal, isn't it a good thing that his children are protected by it?

Do you have to have health insurance at all? Is it an essential, or just a backup to get private rooms with flowers in?

ska_lover

Well, I for one would not stand for it if my partner was named on a health insurance in any other official capacity with his ex, three years after they split. It seems wrong to me. At this stage, three years after splitting, they shouldn't have a joint 'anything'. Obviously expect the kids

I would be questioning how commited my partner were to me if he put her personal needs above my own. Is he still hankering after her? Why does he endanger the happiness of his current partner, to ensure his ex is pampered to? Its about time you put your foot down OP - or you will get more and more resentful over this, I know I would!

I don't understand the need for health insurance either, but thats a different can of worms, but why should she benefit from posh health insurance, when you have to slum it like rest of us, on the NHS

elvis86

ska_lover wrote: »

I don't understand the need for health insurance either, but thats a different can of worms, but why should she benefit from posh health insurance, when you have to slum it like rest of us, on the NHS

I don't think she's said so explicitly, but I get the impression that the OP and her boyfriend's ex are abroad, so they may actually need health insurance.:cool:

elvis86

However, as an aside, even if they were in the UK, if the OP's boyfriend has a very good job and is wealthy, why shouldn't his ex-wife, who supported him for 8 years and bore him 3 children, benefit from private health insurance?

Would it be any fairer if your wealthy ex husband left you and your kids destitute whilst lavishing his new girlfriend with gifts and ensuring that they were cared for with private healthcare etc?:cool:

brokenlily

I would have thought that the divorce settlement should have provided for ex and kids to have a health insurance policy?

Or, Dad can have the insurance policy with his partner and kids can be covered under that?

Either way, I see no need for them to have a joint policy once they are divorced....does the insurance provider even allow a divorced couple to hold a joint policy? I recently joined a work PHI scheme and the only people I could put on to my policy were a spouse/civil partner/common law partner or dependent children, I'm divorced and I couldn't have added my former husband!

brokenlily

Oh and seriously....a woman who can't take her own car to the garage? I'm sorry but that's pathetic and he's enabling her to be dependent, thereby encouraging her NOT to gain her own independence.

Either the guy is pandering to it to keep the peace, or maybe he LIKES the idea that this woman is still dependent on him in some way?

ska_lover

brokenlily wrote: »

Oh and seriously....a woman who can't take her own car to the garage? I'm sorry but that's pathetic and he's enabling her to be dependent, thereby encouraging her NOT to gain her own independence.

Either the guy is pandering to it to keep the peace, or maybe he LIKES the idea that this woman is still dependent on him in some way?

Indeed. I ask myself what kind of example is she setting her kids, if she has daughters - that us females are complete gibbering wrecks and can not cope without men?

sharrison778

elvis86 wrote: »

However, as an aside, even if they were in the UK, if the OP's boyfriend has a very good job and is wealthy, why shouldn't his ex-wife, who supported him for 8 years and bore him 3 children, benefit from private health insurance?

Would it be any fairer if your wealthy ex husband left you and your kids destitute whilst lavishing his new girlfriend with gifts and ensuring that they were cared for with private healthcare etc?:cool:

You missed my point.

She can benefit from it. The insurance companies recognises that divorces happens and when it does, it allows both people to stay with the insurer - under different policies. So she can have an insurance policy that covers her and the kids, with the exact same benefits. And my boyfriend and I can have a policy that covers us.

I'm not saying kick her out all together - I'm just saying its time to sever financial ties and look after her own financial needs.

(Its important for us to have the health insurance as we want to have kids in the next 2 years or so and its likely we're going to need fertility treatments)

We're not in the UK or the USA and there is no obligation for him to pay for her health insurance as part of the divorce.

And she's hardly destitute - she gets $10k a month on child support, she gets the house and car in the divorce settlement and she earns over 6 figures herself. Again, before I get flamed, I agree she deserves it, just putting things in perspective. She's not hard done by or living on the overty line.

What I want is for all financial ties (other than child support) to be cut so my boyfriend and I can start our life together.

Emmzi

with all due respect, that is entirely your boyfroends decision, not yours.

I would keep out of it or it'll end in an ultimatum, and you'll be on the back foot.

if he wanted to seperate money and sever ties he would have done it by now. He hasn't, so unlikely he will. some men are just like that.

How about being glad he isn't a rat and letting him get on with it, OR leaving? changing people is a no win.