Ex partner, CSA & Cild help, before I crack up

jamesflood

Yeh she was caught with a load of cannabis under the stairs but I'm not sure whatever happened about it I know she went to court but I don't know the outcome. I have messages on Facebook of her admitting it so that's a plus if it ever had to come to that. She's not a bad mother, but her people skills and negotiation skills are worse than direbolical.

j.e.j.

MrsManda wrote: »

My other thought is, if she's a drug addict, vicious, twisted and all the other things you say she is then is she really the best person to have custody of your son?

Absolutely. I think you need to pursue it from that angle as well as the harrassment issue. Is it possible to get legal advice?

jamesflood

And she had a ban for the driving accident.

newcook

jamesflood wrote: »

I would hate for all the court proceedings to happen and then only get to see him every other weekend. She would love that as I would end up paying more to the CSA and by seeing much son as much as I want to.

from what you have said you are actually paying more than what the CSA would ask for as you are not working

Determined_Dad_Of_5

Having extensively researched and taken advice on this recently I may be able to offer some helpful advice.

Firstly regarding maintenance. The CSA will take 15% of your net income (for 1 child). For an employed person that is your weekly pay after tax and national insurance, and deducting any pension contributions you make. It is literally what you take home. From this they will also then make a further deduction depending on the number of nights your son spends with you per year. it falls into categories such as 1-52 then 52-99 and so on etc. The reality is in your case that you would most likely pay approx 12% of youor take home pay.

For a self employed individual they make the assessment based on your Net relevent earnings or net profit. If you have been self employed in the same role for 12 months or more they will review your latest self assessment tax return. If you have not then they will ask for proof of your sales (turnover) and will ask you to show what your net and gross profit is on those sales. The CSA will then calculate themselves what yoour net income in for their assessment. The CSA are no longer the organisation to be feared by fathers, I have found them very fair and helpful especially with the fact that they did the income calculation for me (as Im self employed) therefore removing any allegations of me providing false income figures to them. If you are not working then there is a basic flat payment of £10 per week. You can also elect that the payments are made directly to them, this removes any future dispute by your ex over when and how much you have paid.

Regarding your ex's demands and texts. Basically the law is on your side here. If you feel harrassed and its affecting your current relationship and interfering with your day to day life then it is considered harassment. The police operate what was described to me as a yellow and red card system. Report the harassment to the police. They will make contact with your ex and issue the 'yellow card' warning. This basically says that they will not investigate it at this stage but have received a complaint about harassment. She will be warned that if it continues they will investigate and prosecute and will then seek evidence from you at this stage. Keep all the texts (if you have an Iphone you can do screen dumps to a photo image or a word document) as this will back up your case if it does continue.

If she does withold contact with your son, as hard as this may be to swallow, try not to get into an argument or dispute about it directly with her. It will only end up affecting your son and maybe even begfin turning him against you. If he overhears his mother on the phone arguing with you he may begin to turn against you to keep her happy. again, the law is on your side so just ride the storm with dignity. Make an application to the courts (forms C1 and C100) taking time to document exactly what has gone on and that contact is threatened or becomes difficult every time the mother disagrees with you. It costs £200 however if you are not working or on low income then you can apply for a fee wavier and not have to pay. Also if you mark the case as urgent they will fit you in to the next available hearing date. Speak to the courts, they are very helpful.

Take free advice where possible, CAB or legal aid. I am lucky enough to have a Magistrate, Solicitor and family law Barrister as colleagues and friends which has proved invaluavble but there are many sources of free advice available. The system is out there, use it to your fullest advantage.

Keep a contact diary of all phone calls and staying contact with your son, and when attempts at contact with him are refused or unsucessful. Also if there is any change in your sons attitude towards you keep a not of when this happened as the CAFCASS will want to see this. The CAFCASS will speak to your son and they are highly skilled and trained in establishing what is really the opinion of the child or what is merely a reaction to a dispute between parents (IE the child telling the mother what they think they want to hear). CAFCASS will then look at your contact diary in conjunction with previous ongoing contact and see if the change of attitude relates directly to when a dispute arose. For example, all year you have seen your son every weekend, then your ex, as you said above, demands money from you which you refuse. If at the same time as this happens your son starts saying 'he doesnt want to see or talk to you' or your ex becomes unreasonable or harassing then it is obvious that this is merely either a reaction from the child and he is trying to placate his mother (being his main carer) or the mother is influencing his opinion of you either directly or indirectly. For example speaking negatively about you to others in front of your son or allowing him to overhear agruments with you on the phone. All of this is viewed very dimly by the courts and your ex will find herself in deep trouble if this is proven to be the case. CAFCASS and the courts are not stupid and are very good at putting together series of events regarding a dispute over money, a chaning in the childs attitude and changes in contact and will be able to establish very quickly what is going on. You are the childs father, you want to see and support him, therefore the law is on your side and the courts will recognise this. They will not remove contact etc just because of a small 'glich' especially if you have always been a part of your childs life.

Remember that you are the childs father, you want to have contact and have done so in the past. The courts are not likely to alter him coming as frequently unless they see it as unfair to the child. The courts are not interested in the whys and whjerefores of why relationships end, they are interested only in the welfare of the child and will always promote continued contact with the father and his extended family.

It may be a bumpy ride in the meantime but believe me it will be worth while I promise you. you owe it to yourself and your son to get it formalised so that she has to comply.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Fellpony_2

Determined dad of 5, what a fab post. Very informative and sensible, I hope the the OP reads and follows your post. The system is there to be used for the good of the child, but you have to put the effort in to it to get the result out. I hope that you get it sorted out and soon x x

jamesflood

Determined that's excellent, thanks for the professionalism whilst writing that. So what is step 1? Where do I start?

BitterAndTwisted

Step One is to contact the CSA immediately.

Step Two is to never, ever give her cash. Every penny needs to be traceable, so do a transfer into her bank-account. And keep a diary of which nights/days your child is with you and not the mother.

Determined_Dad_Of_5

jamesflood wrote: »

Determined that's excellent, thanks for the professionalism whilst writing that. So what is step 1? Where do I start?

I've got to out now for a bit but I'll be back later on and I'll happily take you through each step as I did it.

Keep your chin up and your mood calm. You have the law on your side and must do nothing to stoop to her level.

jamesflood

Thanks again, Ill send you an inbox with my Email, maybee we can have a chat.
Thanks a lot.