Don't know what to do

Pink_Bubbles

I really need some advice as to what to do as I'm stuck in a relationship with someone I don't want to be with and it's really getting me down.

Me and my boyfriend split up 3 years ago after a massive argument where he finished with me and then the next day tried to make it up and me turning round and saying well actually I don't love you anymore. We had been together for 10 years and have a daughter who is now 12. I had fallen out of love with him for a few years, didn't find him attractive etc but we were good friends and as he's 15 years older than me (we got together when I was 18) a father figure as well I suppose that I never had.
When we broke up he went a bit stupid, crying loudly in his room so me and my daughter could here, scratched his arms up with a pair of scissors and sent me txt messages while he was out drinking with his friends saying he was going to kill himself etc. I managed to stay strong and not get back together with him and just felt really sorry for him tbh as I had shattered the happy family he thought he was going to have forever.
He moved out, didn't give me any money towards the mortgage, for maintence , took my car off me as it was in his name and took whatever furniture he wanted including the sofas, bed, tv etc basically al the big things. I work and wasn't in debt so got a loan and credit card to replace all these things.
After moving out for 10 months he decided he was moving back, I went to a solicitor but was told there was nothing I could do.
6 months after he moved back in I fell madly in love with someone. I knew he wouldn't be happy, we were stupidly still having sex occasionally - all was his instigation and he would be happier and the mood in the house for everyone would be better so just let him get on with it I suppose.
Anyway I told him right from the start that someone had asked me out on a date and that I was going, I knew he would be upset but we had been split up for 18 months and really wanted to be up front and honest about it. His reply was do what you want you're not answerable to me.
I didnt tell him when the date was but he rang me while he was at work asking what I was doing when I was on my way to meet this person and I told him what I was doing. he hung up on me and then txt me saying I was a slag/!!!!!!/bad mother etc. I cut the date short and went home before he got home from work. I selfishly put my daughter in bed with me thinking that when he got home he wouldnt do anything to hurt me if she was there as he had hit me a few times when we were together. Around 1am we were woken by him slaming my door open turning my light on and screaming at me although he stopped when he saw my daughter was there. The next night he went out and got drunk come into my room again when my daughter was in bed with me and woke us both up by saying how he was going to kill us. I told him to get out. he then went into his room singing nasty songs about me so we couldnt get back to sleep, my daughter was badly frightened so I rang a friend and we stayed at her house for a few nights. He apolgised saying it wouldn't happen again and we went back home. We then put our house on the market. tyhings were a bit better for a short while but he would refuse to look after my daughter if ever I went out. However after getting drunk he would send emails to my new boyfriend threatening him and telling him we were still having sex etc. While I was with my new boyfriend we did have sex twice - both times were rape. He also beat me up. I couldnt cope anymore so moved out to a friends with my daughter however my new boyfriend had bipolar and really couldnt cope with my ex's nastiness - neither could I to be honest. After I left the nasty txts and emails etc continued with him threatening to get us sacked by both our respective employers, by telling mine I was stealing from them (i'm not) and other rubbish that he would tell my boyfriends employers. He refused to see my daughter and also to give me any money for her. I was still paying half the mortgage and bills on my house plus rent to my friend for the room my daughter and I were sharing. My boyfriend licved with his mum and I really didnt want to involve her. My ex had already said he knew where they lived and were going to put the windows through etc.

Anyway my new boyfriends mental health went rapidly down hill with all this amongst other things and started self harming etc and getting abusive to me and I just couldnt cope and did the most stupidist thing ever. I finished with him and went back to my ex. Resulting in my new ex boyfriend (the one with bipolar) committing suicide ( he didnt know me and my ex had got back together) within 3 weeks blaming me. The night he did it he rang me and txt me asking for help and because I had got back with my ex and was prob having I breakdown myself I turned my phone off not believing him. To say I regret this would be the biggest understatment ever.
Well me and my ex have been back together for 10 months now and to say I hate my life would be an understatement. I think about suicide every day and really need to sort myself out. I need to tell my boyfriend I don't want to be with him but can't face the consequences.
Sorry for the long story x

pinkfluffythings

For the sake of your daughter you need to not be with this man nor have to be with a man instead of being single.

He's been violent in the past, emotionally abused you and you've had to leave the house because of this manner towards you. Maybe try to contact womens aid or something like that if you feel you can't do this alone. Either way you really need to not be with this man.

anxious_mum

Oh my goodness, you need to leave this man, and you need to leave him NOW! He has raped you, he has physically abused you! At least do it for your daughter's sake, get out now! I have no formal expertise to give you, but if there is no family you can go to there are women's refuges and stuff. Please, get out now, while you still can. Good luck x

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow

Just leave.

Allowing children to witness domestic abuse is a form of abuse in itself - if social services knew your circumstances they would be taking steps to ensure your daughter was not living with a violent rapist. The only reason your daughter is living with a violent rapist is because social services don't know.

Do right by your kid and leave.

balletshoes

just leave. Now.

gfplux

You only have one choice and that is to get out with your child.
You have two ways of doing it.
One - leave him in the next two or three days.
Two- plan to leave, set yourself a date, say January 30th and plan it.
Get money together, open a new Bank account, do as many things in preparation so you can get out of this mans life. Visit a solicitor for advise.
Good Luck

Cat501

good grief love, what an awful time you've had!:(:( Please - get out as soon as you can. I think the "making preparations" idea is good, just try and make the timescale as short as you can and stick to it. Do you have any family support? x And please try not to blame yourself for Ex B's tragic suicide - you were NOT responsible for his actions

victory

Leave now...........

flutterby_lil

Goodness me, sending lots of hugs.

You know what you need to do. Do you have a mental health worker who can help you in your dark times? Is there a crisi team at your local mental health centre if you don't have a care co-ordinator or worker?

Please please please protect yourself and your daughter from further harm and leave now.

dark^knight

Please contact the samaritans. They have trained advisers.

People on here can provide with kind words, but are not trained to deal with deeper issues.

Stay positive for your daughter's sake and get some help.

Sambucus_Nigra

I'd thank the lord you aren't married, get your paperwork together and somewhere safe, and get you and your daughter out of there as soon as you possibly can. I'm sure your friend could help you out again. Just make sure it is for good this time.

Stay strong and good luck.