should i invite my dad for christmas?

split_second

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Give your dad a break - he's going through a relationship break up which is hard and he just wants to know that he is still as important to you as he's ever been. Let him know that you care just as much about him as you do about your mum and invite him over for christmas.

Could you involve him a bit more in the preparations for the day? Ask him what he fancies eating and get him to bring a cake or something?

he doesnt like christmas pudding, prefers trifle so we're having that, pretty certain he will make us one (might go round on the 23rd and see if i can make it with him, i have never made one before)

halibut2209

Yes, still invite him.

But stop lying to him! Don't tell him that you don't know where your mum lives when you do. Be truthful. Say you do know, but she doesn't want you to tell him, and that you don't want to be in the middle of it. By lying to him, it shows that you and your mum have "secrets" from him and could make things very awkward.

Abbafan1972

split_second wrote: »

hi all bit of an odd situation.

i'm 30 and engaged, my parents seperated again a month or so ago, i say again but this is the 5th time and the final time.

anyway my mum is going to spend christmas with her best friend and because my dad was going to be alone me and my fiance decided it would be nice for him to be with us rather than alone, mum agreed, she hates the idea of anyone being alone on christmas day.

anyway i got a text off my dad (i only ever get texts off my dad if my parents have split) asking if we were going up today, i replied we were going up tomorrow, my car is going in for mot and i have to go to the apple store as my iphone is broken and i have a genius bar appointment, we have had loads to do today and will go up tomorrow and will take a take away up for the three of us. then he asked about a comedy show we were all supposed to be going to, i had bought tickets for me and my fiance and my mum bought tickets for her and my dad, this was nearly a year ago, tickets were a famous comedian and my mum had seen the previous show's material on tv and wanted to go. anyway by the time he replied we had gone to see my fiance's sister and were on our way to do christmas shopping when my dad asked when this show was, as i was in the car i didnt reply. about 15 minutes later he texted saying i had gone quiet so when we arrived where we were going i phoned him.

he didnt hold back and was having a right go at me saying i always side with my mum and how he thinks i have been to see her loads and know where she is living (i do but my mum wont tell my dad and i have told him i dont know where she lives now). i think i have got all this because my mum has changed her phone number and has now gone on holiday too.

christmas is now 2 weeks away and i am now in a dilemma as to whether to invite my dad, he isnt exactly mr christmas to start with but can usually manage to be pleasant but today has made me wonder if i should bother. i dont have any siblings worth speaking of (half sister i havent seen for 14 years and thats it) so if he doesnt come here he is on his own but i also dont want it to be about how much he thinks i am siding with my mum. mum being invited for new years eve night and she really looking forward to it, but i am lost as to what to do?

I attempted to read your post but none of it makes sense, so I gave up!

euronorris

halibut2209 wrote: »

Yes, still invite him.

But stop lying to him! Don't tell him that you don't know where your mum lives when you do. Be truthful. Say you do know, but she doesn't want you to tell him, and that you don't want to be in the middle of it. By lying to him, it shows that you and your mum have "secrets" from him and could make things very awkward.

In most cases, I would agree with you. But.....there are some people who will just hound you and harrass you for information they want, if they know you've got it. They'll ruin relationships over it, and it's sooo not worth ruining relationships over. So, if the OP's Dad is like that, I would do the same as he has done.

pearl123

Remember the goodwill part of Christmas. I'd invite him, as it is just one day of the year. And it is a highly emotive day, as everyone thinks it should be a lovely day. If he is left out he could dwell on all the better Christmas' he's had. It's a day when ones sense of all porportion can go over the top and they can get especailly depressed.
I've invited someone who has no family but would otherwise would be alone this year. They are also very, very depressed. And I expect them not to be chearful charlie on Christmas day, but if it gets hard work , I'll grit my teeth and have an extra glass of wine!
Invite him and smile.

Sambucus_Nigra

Abbafan1972 wrote: »

I attempted to read your post but none of it makes sense, so I gave up!

OP's grumpy dad is upset at split with wife and being a bit snarky to OP; OP wants to know if she should invite him for Christmad.

split_second

euronorris wrote: »

In most cases, I would agree with you. But.....there are some people who will just hound you and harrass you for information they want, if they know you've got it. They'll ruin relationships over it, and it's sooo not worth ruining relationships over. So, if the OP's Dad is like that, I would do the same as he has done.

he did that again last night and it was awful, my mum had a mobile broadband dongle last time she left, and the box with all the paperwork was left behind with my dad, he had a go at me for buying it for her, thinks the number on the reciept is my mums new phone number (told him mobile broadband numbers dont accept calls but he doesnt believe me) and because my mum left things behind like pyjamas and her phone charger he has said my mum has to speak to him to get them back.

oh and biggest one of all she has apparently moved in with someone she is seeing now and he helped her move out :eek:, in reality she lives on her own in a rented house and she hired a man and van to move her because where she is moving to there are loads of one person man and van companies

sunday we were out with future sister in law, he had a right go at me over the phone over some concert tickets my mum bought, so much so future sister in law said not to get involved and not to take any **** off him and if we wanted to me and fiance could go to her's for christmas day (even though she already has 6 people round, including her husband and kids)

victory

You have to stay calm, say 'look dad, I know you are upset, unhappy fill is an appropiate but I have done nothing wrong, I love you and wish you the very best but I cannot tolerate you shouting at me, you accusing me of things, what is between you and mum is that, if you feel strongly maybe write her a letter and I will pass it on for youbut it is unfair of you to put me in the middle and treat me with disrespect like this, stop it otherwise you and I will have to fall out'

split_second

victory wrote: »

You have to stay calm, say 'look dad, I know you are upset, unhappy fill is an appropiate but I have done nothing wrong, I love you and wish you the very best but I cannot tolerate you shouting at me, you accusing me of things, what is between you and mum is that, if you feel strongly maybe write her a letter and I will pass it on for youbut it is unfair of you to put me in the middle and treat me with disrespect like this, stop it otherwise you and I will have to fall out'

i said something very similar on sunday but he said i wasnt in the middle and i always side with my mum.

he said a couple of weeks ago the lock was sticking (it had been for ages and me and my mum told him and he did nothing about it), i went up a week ago and got in with an old key, he didnt mention changing the lock (it was a lock that was on the door before his van got broken into about 2 years ago)

he has changed the lock again, he has a dog in the house and i asked if when i am on days off between leaving my current job and starting my new one he wants me to go and see to the dog, walk her etc, said i was more than willing but i need a key, he just turned round and said 'there is only one key'

Desperado99

I would still invite him....

BUT

If he has another go at you, you need to tell him that you will not be piggy in the middle as it's not fair on you.