should i invite my dad for christmas?

split_second

hi all bit of an odd situation.

i'm 30 and engaged, my parents seperated again a month or so ago, i say again but this is the 5th time and the final time.

anyway my mum is going to spend christmas with her best friend and because my dad was going to be alone me and my fiance decided it would be nice for him to be with us rather than alone, mum agreed, she hates the idea of anyone being alone on christmas day.

anyway i got a text off my dad (i only ever get texts off my dad if my parents have split) asking if we were going up today, i replied we were going up tomorrow, my car is going in for mot and i have to go to the apple store as my iphone is broken and i have a genius bar appointment, we have had loads to do today and will go up tomorrow and will take a take away up for the three of us. then he asked about a comedy show we were all supposed to be going to, i had bought tickets for me and my fiance and my mum bought tickets for her and my dad, this was nearly a year ago, tickets were a famous comedian and my mum had seen the previous show's material on tv and wanted to go. anyway by the time he replied we had gone to see my fiance's sister and were on our way to do christmas shopping when my dad asked when this show was, as i was in the car i didnt reply. about 15 minutes later he texted saying i had gone quiet so when we arrived where we were going i phoned him.

he didnt hold back and was having a right go at me saying i always side with my mum and how he thinks i have been to see her loads and know where she is living (i do but my mum wont tell my dad and i have told him i dont know where she lives now). i think i have got all this because my mum has changed her phone number and has now gone on holiday too.

christmas is now 2 weeks away and i am now in a dilemma as to whether to invite my dad, he isnt exactly mr christmas to start with but can usually manage to be pleasant but today has made me wonder if i should bother. i dont have any siblings worth speaking of (half sister i havent seen for 14 years and thats it) so if he doesnt come here he is on his own but i also dont want it to be about how much he thinks i am siding with my mum. mum being invited for new years eve night and she really looking forward to it, but i am lost as to what to do?

balletshoes

Have you already invited him?
From what you've said, I'd probably still invite him, as you say he usually can be at least civil and pleasant at Christmas.

lostinrates

My guess is he's feeling emotionally vulnerable and scared and lonely. despite his outburst being wrong I think its probably coming from a situation of fear and ''desperation'' rather than aggression and malice. I'd invite him.

Debbie_A_3

Hi!

I would invite him. It sounds as if he might be having a hard time (though whether or not he would admit this to anyone - or even himself - is another matter). Sorry that you have got the rough end of it.

You do only have one dad, and if he has nowhere else to go ... I would invite him.

Debbie

~Loz~

You only have one dad, of course you should invite him!

Do you want your poor dad spending Christmas alone?

I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I left my dad alone at Christmas.

victory

I would invite him, he is probably feeling lost and lonely, sad and frustrated as well as angry and resentful, a whole heap of emotions, some he may hold back on, some he does even recognise himself, some he takes out on you but he is going through a tough period and no, he should not be on his own at all for xmas day so you should invite him yes.

runnerbean17

From what you say I think he is angry, upset and probably a bit lonely. My Dad never came for Christmas Day or any other special occasion cause we weren't that close but looking back I wish I had made more of an effort. Sadly I no longer have that choice ... but you do x

split_second

fair enough

i'm picking him up and taking him home so i think he should be able to be nice about me looking out for him and i am sure he has enough sense to put aside what has happened between my mum and him for one day, even if it is just to avoid making an idiot of himself in front of my fiance

victory

split_second wrote: »

fair enough

i'm picking him up and taking him home so i think he should be able to be nice about me looking out for him and i am sure he has enough sense to put aside what has happened between my mum and him for one day, even if it is just to avoid making an idiot of himself in front of my fiance

He has all sorts of emotions running through him right now and does not know where to put them but on xmas day, a happy day, hopefully he will raise a glass and have a fab time:D

Rikki

runnerbean17 wrote: »

From what you say I think he is angry, upset and probably a bit lonely. My Dad never came for Christmas Day or any other special occasion cause we weren't that close but looking back I wish I had made more of an effort. Sadly I no longer have that choice ... but you do x

You made me cry.

I lost my Dad just before Christmas some years ago and what I wouldn't give to have just one more Christmas with him and all the family again.


I would still invite your Dad. He is in a strange place at the moment and needs time to adjust. Be patient with him and try not to be too sensitive to his outburst, difficult I know but it will be for the best.

Tiddlywinks

split_second wrote: »

.... me and my fiance decided it would be nice for him to be with us rather than alone, mum agreed, she hates the idea of anyone being alone on christmas day. Why do you need your mum to agree? Surely you can spend time with your dad without her agreement.

.... he didnt hold back and was having a right go at me saying i always side with my mum and how he thinks i have been to see her loads and know where she is living (i do but my mum wont tell my dad and i have told him i dont know where she lives now). i think i have got all this because my mum has changed her phone number and has now gone on holiday too. Why do you need to lie to him? Just tell him that you do know your mum's address but that she has asked that you don't pass it on - he's probably already figured out that you know where she lives now so it's understandable that he's miffed that you are saying you don't.

Give your dad a break - he's going through a relationship break up which is hard and he just wants to know that he is still as important to you as he's ever been. Let him know that you care just as much about him as you do about your mum and invite him over for christmas.

Could you involve him a bit more in the preparations for the day? Ask him what he fancies eating and get him to bring a cake or something?