Godparents? Moral dilemma.

meritaten

I refused being a godparent to my OHs nephew for the same reason - While being spiritual I despise organised religion and I knew that my SIL was a churchgoer. doesnt make any difference in our relationship and I think SIL respected my reasons for refusing.

wolfehouse

the humanists have come up with their own version (which is what my dd has in place for her son)
guardparents.
it neatly gets around the religious issue while ensuring a special relationship is in place for the child's benefit.

KxMx

It does sound like your friends are confused on what they are asking you. Also there are many who have church weddings/christenings just for show and are not religous, and then they ask people to be godparents when again they are not looking for people to guide them spitirually, just for the sake of having godparents etc.

Debbie_A_3

DVardysShadow wrote: »

I agree. Although the parents might not recognise it, I suspect that the sincerest are those who turn it down.

I wouldn't be a God-parent. I am a Christian but my preference is for baptism to follow a profession of faith from the individual. Consequently when our children were born we did not have them christened. However, we did agree with my brother that we would look after the other's children should "something happen to us". We wrote this into our will.

Debbie

ellay864

Good for you OP for having the principles. I wouldn't christen my kids as I didn't feel I could stand there and make promises about bringing them up in a certain religion that I am not active in myself. Several people (mostly other parents with kids of similar age) seemed quite horrified when I said I wasn't having them christened and when I told them why they then looked a bit uncomfortable; most admitted they did it 'for tradition', 'because it's what you should do'...only one could genuinely say she did believe in the vows she was going to make.
I would also be honest about not wanting to take part in the christening ceremony but that you're happy to act as guardian (if you really are)

mrcow

Harry_Flashman wrote: »

My better half and I have been asked to act as Godparents to a good friends' young son.

He's not a baby (just gone 4), but they're going to emigrate and want to have some 'back-up' should anything happen to them.

Obviously as you know, being a godparent has nothing whatsoever to do with being a "back up". You should tell them this in case they are under the misapprehension that it is.

Solution is:

1. Tell them to get documentation drawn up as to who they would like to act as guardian if they died.

2. Tell them you can't possibly be a godparent as you are not religious.

Mojisola

wolfehouse wrote: »

the humanists have come up with their own version (which is what my dd has in place for her son)
guardparents.
it neatly gets around the religious issue while ensuring a special relationship is in place for the child's benefit.

That sounds a good idea.

onlyroz

If asked, I would refuse to be a god-parent. I would, however, consider being named as a guardian in a will, if I was close to the parents.

FBaby

I am the God mother of both a catholic child and a jewish one, yet am atheist and although not against religion per se, feel very nervous around any religious ceremonies. However, I never saw my request of being a god parent as a religious matter. If anything, I think the religious background is distrating if anything as to what the role of a 'God' parent really is.

I did tell the parents that as I am either jewish nor catholic I considered my role from a responsibility towards the well-being of the child would something happen to his parents rather than a encouraging them in the religion, however would always support them in the faith they chose for them, and whatever faith they chose for themselves later in life if different. Both sets of parents were very happy with this. In regards to the actual ceremonies (very different!), I felt perfectly at ease. Things have changed a lot and I was really surprised how relax the priest was during the ceremony. There were many -unruly- kids, but instead of getting cross when they started being quite disruptive, he invited them to join him. Yes, we talked of God, sang hymns etc..., but it didn't feel overly religious, just a case of faith and respect which is very much in line with my personal belief anyway.

pinkclouds

FBaby wrote: »

I am the God mother of both a catholic child and a jewish one, yet am atheist and although not against religion per se, feel very nervous around any religious ceremonies. However, I never saw my request of being a god parent as a religious matter. If anything, I think the religious background is distrating if anything as to what the role of a 'God' parent really is.

I did tell the parents that as I am either jewish nor catholic I considered my role from a responsibility towards the well-being of the child would something happen to his parents rather than a encouraging them in the religion, however would always support them in the faith they chose for them, and whatever faith they chose for themselves later in life if different. Both sets of parents were very happy with this. In regards to the actual ceremonies (very different!), I felt perfectly at ease. Things have changed a lot and I was really surprised how relax the priest was during the ceremony. There were many -unruly- kids, but instead of getting cross when they started being quite disruptive, he invited them to join him. Yes, we talked of God, sang hymns etc..., but it didn't feel overly religious, just a case of faith and respect which is very much in line with my personal belief anyway.

I would be very happy with that too, FBaby. My kids each have a RC godparent (in addition to a CofE godparent) despite being CofE. The vicar said the most important thing about godparents was to chose people who cared about your child and took a genuine interest.