Trying to be OS with a Chronic Health Condition

sp1987

heavenleigh wrote: »

My problem is in my head i have this perfect lifestyle, i know i want my kids to get their 5 a day and meals cooked from scratch and i can do it, on the bad days though i resort to chips and nuggets etc and i cant quite seem to train my brain to think that's ok occassionally.

Hopefully to give you a smile. My mother always tried to make healthy, nutritious meals for me as a child. I was having none of it. I ate packet lasagne, chicken nuggets, the dreaded turkey twizzlers, chips, all the rubbish you don't want your kids near for more than 5 minutes let alone their main food group. I refused all veg bar baked beans (hardly greens is it?). I could just about do the odd strawberry or banana, ish.

And do you know what? I'm still here. I now cook proper food myself and I don't have bad memories of meals.

I just feel awful as my mother slaved over proper meals for me and I would only eat plastic rubbish between the colours of yellow, beige and orange.

Your kids will enjoy proper meals and they will enjoy having less ideal food once or twice a week. Buy them extra bananas or something for after those quick meals to undo any bad you feel has been done by a bit of breaded chicken.

Actually, something a bit more practical. I bought some of those season and shake bags this evening. You know the ones where you chuck in raw chicken and veg, put water in and tie the bag and just cook it? Could you cut up and freeze bits of veg when feeling better so all you need do when feeling low is literally put the ingredients in and leave it cook? Can pre-cut/freeze all the veg slices etc. Then just tip it out onto plates. Less washing up than chicken nuggets too as you can just bin the bag and have no trays etc to clean. Currently less than half price in tesco (like 49p instead of £1.50) which is why I have some now.

wannabee_in_credit

Just wanted to say a massive thankyou for this thread. I'm having a tough day today and reading this has really helped me to feel less alone. It is much appreciated. I consider myself to be a strong woman most days, but there are always times that we need to be reassured that we're not the only ones going through this.
I wish everyone all the luck and support that they need - thankyou.

raven83

I am love reading this thread, it even brought a tear to my eye, for years i have suffered with bipolar and at times i can be super mum and but then there have been times when i struggle to get out of bed and get dressed and its down to OH to take care of the kids, i do feel so guilty because i feel such a failiure, but after reading this thread i realise that i am not alone and there are other people out there that are going through the same thing which is comforting.

So much more needs to be done about mental health and the understanding of it, some people just think you are being lazy but its not as simple as that, there have been times when i want to feel better so bad but i just cant stop that depressed feeling. On good days though its great and we have alot of fun together and i feel so happy that i can be a good mum to my kids. I am also lucky to have a partner that is very hands on and looks after me as well as the kids! Anyway just wanted to say thankyou for this thread and i hope and wish everyone a brighter future xxx

Rummer

I think it is important (although tricky at times) to keep things in perspective. On the days you are up to it then clean and cook and be wonderful, making sure you take care of yourself as well, and on the days you are not up to it accept you are human and enjoy your 10p pizza!

When I look back at my childhood I don't have fond memories of a tidy house and nutritious meals, I think about the love and fun my family had. If you strive for perfection you are only going to feel that you have let yourself and others down. Instead just do your best. My DD is happy and healthy and we do not have a perfect home or organised life

My house is never spotless, although thanks to the messy thread it is much better, I mainly feed my family healthy food but we have a sensible amount of junk food and there is always emergency dinner in the house for days when I just can't face it.

In the fullness of time things balance out and we need to make the most of every day celebrating what we have instead of stressing about the things we haven't done.

kittycatface

just to add about perfection: I remember how stressed my mum was trying to create it! Us two laugh now I'm an adult, but there is a lot of media and social role pressure on mums to have and keep and juggle it all, nobody acknowledges the inevitable toll that can create for your mental health, almost like a delay and its bound to come out later down the line. Kids are a lot more tolerant of imperfection and recognise good intention much better than adults I think so they are not tied down by the same social expectations. Sometimes it helps to take a look at where your expectations come from and why they are important to you, if you feel they come from outside of you (family, some perceived expectation of neighbours/community or media) then try to undo it all! My mum and grandma are real homemakers and good cooks, I hate it, have told them both so, and realised when I had my own house I realised I felt like a failure for not getting up at 5am, hoovering, putting my face on and making my partner's breakfast! So, I have realised what values are important to me (pacing myself, eating healthy, and keeping to my OWN standards of cleanliness, not using milk jugs when the carton will do etc!) My partner finds it hilarious that my idea of a packed lunch is unwashed spinach leaves, uncut cherry tomatoes and some lumps of pre cut feta thrown into an old marg tub but to me its quick easy and healthy, and leaves me more energy for scrubbing his bath with vinegar later on!

Miss_Havisham

What a lovely gentle supportive thread. I'm a long term "sufferer" of depression and I'm resigned to taking meds for life if they carry on helping me -I'm 56 so could be on them for 30 years yet, but I don't care as they are literally my life line.

I have 2 day-to-day things that keep me calm! One is a note book that goes everywhere with me. I jot down all the little jobs that pop into my mind (you know that feels !), and when I'm restless and don't know what to do with myself I'll pick one of the jobs that takes my fancy from off the list. Love ticking things off as I've done them.

Second item is my manicure bag. Filing, buffing and putting varnish on my hand and toe nails can pass an hour and is completely absorbing & relaxing. Plus I can see the results of my efforts everytime I look down.

The thing I hate most about my depression is how it has deprived me of a social life and how my whole world has shrunk to virtually nothing. Does anyone know how to start re-building whilst you still feel crap and risk making things worse ?

esmf73

Hi - another one here. Vitamin P (prozac) is nothing to be ashamed of - I know that I wouldn't be able to make it through the day if I didn't have it - and I only have 2 (much loved, but very challenging) kids.

One thing that I'm slowly learning is to reduce my standards. Not so that we're all living in muck and eating nothing (!!!!) but just so that if one night we have dinner from a tin, its not the end of the world and I can do better when I feel better. (Have to say its so much easier saying it than it is doing it!) I think that previous posters are right - society / media / friends etc place an enormous amount of unperceived pressure on mums to "do things right". The pressure is unperceived until it becomes an issue - then it seems overwhelming.

You (OP) have gone through a massive shock to your system - your partner of 14 yrs has left (very unhelpful) and you have 4 children - are they all on half term this week? (thats another thing that might not help.) You've only been on ADs for 2 weeks - they can take a while to kick in and make you feel better - and I found it was a gradual feeling - like dawn breaking - you were suddenly aware of it getting a bit lighter. Try to do one thing every day for you - even if you have to force yourself. I know it can be difficult with children, but use the TV (electronic babysitter!!!) and grab 5 mins peace for yourself to enjoy a hot drink.

PM me if you like and we can support each other through this. I've done one course of CBT and found it useful - and am currently going through a refresher course - am happy to share with you. Hope today is a good day, but if it isn't - make it a duvet day for you and your kids - stick the TV / DVDs on. Hugs xxxx

esmf73

Miss_Havisham wrote: »

The thing I hate most about my depression is how it has deprived me of a social life and how my whole world has shrunk to virtually nothing. Does anyone know how to start re-building whilst you still feel crap and risk making things worse ?

Miss H, the only thing I can suggest is start small. Start by smiling at people you pass on the street, make small talk at the checkout and if you see the same person every day - perhaps dog walking - say good morning. Then when you feel more comfortable with this, move on and join a gentle exercise class - Tai Chi or something. You then become part of a group without any particular social interaction. When you become more confident in this activity begin to smile at other class members.... baby steps - says the person with no social life!!! xx

Molly41

I have just joined (last night) my local WI in a bid to start to rebuild my social life.

We have a standing joke at home and the kids jump up and down when I suggest a chippy tea with a vitamin tablet for good measure! It is not every day (very occasional) but they see it as a treat so I try not to feel too bad!

robotmode

I can't even read all the posts on here yet as I nearly started crying and can't turn up at the school gate teary eyed. I have up and down days too, was on Prozac a few years ago, but have been managing without due to the cost of prescriptions. Mostly ok, but have a few blips when something will set me off and I spiral back down. Things trigger it off more so just before the time of the month. TBH, if it wasn't for DH and frozen pizza, oven chips, sausages, fishfingers, baked beans, etc we wouldn't cope at all on some days. It made me feel much better once reading something about child fussy eaters that will only eat eg cereal, toast, juice, bananas, baked beans, fishfingers, cheese, mash, jacket potato, as even this limited diet still covers all the food groups.

I've started a healthy eating and exercise programme this week and am monitoring it on PureLifeStyle which I read about on another MSE forum thread. Am hopeful that this will be a MSE way of improving the depression, but am already in danger of falling off the health wagon due to lack of sleep and low mood today. Super DH to the rescue again after a heavy day at work while I've been sat on my backside unable to cope with doing much at all - poor guy!