Trying to be OS with a Chronic Health Condition

Horace

I break my day into 15 minute intervals taking the view that I can do anything in 15 minutes.

I have suffered from depression for quite a few months and admit there are days when I do nothing at all and other days when I can be ok. I am forced to doing things OS because I am skint but I do make sure that when I batch cook that I portion things for the freezer so that if I do have a can't be bothered day then I can get something out and put it in Ping (microwave) because Ping will cook it and I will eat it.

If I have a day when I really can't be bothered then I don't beat myself up I just rest and do not a lot (usually vegging in front of the telly) and then tomorrow is another day.

rinabean

So many in this country don't actually feed their kids at all. Your kids aren't going to be stunted or have issues because they sometimes had ready made pizza! I know it's hard, but try not to focus on the things you perceive as "failures". This is how one bad day turns into bad weeks and months for me. It's so difficult to head those thoughts off, but I swear it's possible. Your bad days are not moral failings. Uncleaned houses and less than perfect meals will not harm your children. And if it ever does get to the point where the house is dangerously unclean, or you actually can't feed the children - and hoovering only the middles of rooms, using bought cleaning wipes and feeding them ready meals doesn't count! that is all fine! - then it's still not a personal failing. You're ill and sometimes ill people need help. It is not ever a reflection on you as a person.

Try and treat yourself as a friend. If your friend was ill and gave her kids the ready made pizza, you wouldn't think badly of her, would you? So don't think badly of yourself. I know, I know, it's easier said than done, but saying it's the first step. Then, one day, you'll start to believe it

Batch cooking on good days is a good start. If that's all you can do for now then leave it at that. If you take on too much you'll burn yourself out. If you're not already filling the freezer entirely, try slowly doing that on your batch cooking days. Then you'll get to a day where you could face doing it, but it's already done! so you could work on something else.

The happy, busy mummy in the kitchen is just a picture. It's fine to aspire to it, but just because life doesn't look like that picture, it doesn't mean you and your family aren't or can't be happy. Surely the most important thing in that picture is not the busy, productive kitchen, but the happy mummy? Getting the rest of the picture looking right won't necessarily make you happy and well. But I think it would work the other way around. I also recommend the OS with chronic health conditions thread. Some practical advice, but mostly reassurance that you're not alone Best wishes.


You have a hell of a lot on your plate. You are coping so well already. There is absolutely no shame in taking tablets to help you. They take a while to start working, but I think knowing that someone takes your feelings seriously does a lot to help in the first few weeks before the chemicals kick in.

monnagran

Dear Heavenleigh

rinabean is so right. We all have this mental picture of a happy family and waste endless time trying to force our families into that picture. Unfortunately our poor families don't have access to our picture and haven't learned their lines properly. Just love them sweetie, nothing else matters.

With all you are trying to cope with you deserve a trumpet fanfare and massed choirs singing the Hallelujah Chorus every time you get out of bed. Be kind to yourself and go easy. Nothing lasts for ever so enjoy the good days, endure the bad ones with as much gentleness on yourself as possible, there will be light at the end of the tunnel, even if you can't always see it.

Sermon over.

FrugalLina

I too suffer from really bad depression and know how you feel. I haven't figured out all the answers yet, so cannot offer any solutions. But I would like to say, I think you are doing much better than you think and that in years to come you will look back at these times and think to yourself, yes that was hard, but I did a good job anyway!

Big Hugs and the pills will help soon, I am sure (thank goodness for modern medicine, eh)!

orangesmartie

Hi Heavenleigh

*hugs*

I can sympathise with where you are coming from - sort of. I was diagnosed with depression in November, but I don't have a family like yours to look after.

Like you, I veer between manic activity and complete lethargy. I think you just have to make the most of your energetic times and if you're batch cooking and baking, thats not lazy, thats preparing meals for the less energetic nights. Thats good planning. And you're doing way better than me, because i use my tumble on a good day!

One of the things my counsellor is trying to get me to do is write down tasks I need to do and then break them down into smaller and smaller chunks, so it doesn't become too overwhelming. So clean the bathroom becomes: Mon: empty the bin; Tue: clean the loo; Weds: clean the sink and so on.

As far as medication goes, it can take 2-3 months to see a benefit so please be patient and please do keep taking it. I erm...stopped taking mine for a week just after christmas because i thought it wasn't working and the difference in how i felt was horrendeous. Needless to say I'm back on it now. And the doc has increased the dose at the last review and i think I can consciously tell the difference now.

You need to look after yourself. Try and do at least one thing every day that is just for you to enjoy, whether thats a cup of tea in peace in the garden, or sewing or singing. On bad days, try and focus on just doing one thing, something you enjoy. That might be a walk or a game with the kids, or reading in the bath.

Cat501: I'm glad i'm not the only one slacking in the teeth cleaning department

and er...you guys are the first people I've admitted any of this too outside my immediate family (GP aside). I haven't even spoken to my employers about it, just keep sending the sicknotes.

Patchwork_Quilt

Just a note to say that in my experience, it's the long term things that matter with children. Blips don't matter as long as you're there for them and loving them over time. They won't remember pizzas and chips but they will remember that you did everything you could for them. Keep going. This is just a season and seasons change.

Broomstick

This is more about coping with bad days than doing extra on good ones, but two things I did when my two were little and I was broke and on my own and just plain tired were to:

a) eat a cheap meal at teatime in the supermarket cafe before we did the weekly shop so that I didn't have to cook on supermarket day. It meant that everyone went round the shop without feeling starving and buying extra. Fifteen years ago there was a free child meal for every adult one and I used to go for the cheapest and share the two meals between three plates. It was usually baked beans and baked potatoes or fish finger-type meals but I budgeted for it. Budgeting for sensible short cuts that acknowledge dips in coping/energy is part of being old style, imho. Maybe this kind of deal isn't around any more but budgeting for short cuts can be made to fit your present circumstances.:)

b) buy a packet of pound shop paper plates and cups for those evenings where the thought of both cooking and having to wash up afterwards was too much to bear. Occasionally producing extra rubbish that is biodegradable is not such a sin. I don't know how old your children are but if they are little, get the torches or candles out and have once-a-week whoopsied pizza on paper plates by candle or torch light. If you want to have some HM food, maybe you could look for puddings that could be frozen and eaten cold or heated up. It will seem special and magic to have meals that are a bit different and something to be looked forward to. Making memories doesn't always have to be about being a super mum and throwing the washing up into the bin was a real life saver for me just occasionally.:D

B x

meritaten

I know how you feel - and from experience can tell you to be 'kind to YOURSELF'! i DONT mean indulge your depression - just dont beat yourself up about it!
If you had flu you wouldnt expect to be buzzing about cookin cleanin and washin would you? yet on those days when you can hardly put one foot in front of another - force yourself to go for a walk outside in the fresh air. sounds contradictory I know - but right now - I am where you are hun. I have to make myself get up and get dressed some days - and then I make myself go out! It isnt easy because I have a physical disability too. but, even if I only manage the end of the street it makes me FEEL better to come home! The days when I child mind are much easier for me - I have a PURPOSE to get up for! I may not want to............would rather roll over and sleep - but I prefer the days when I have to get up - so on the days I dont - I make myself do it anyway!
I am probably not making much sense - not to people who dont suffer depression anyway. but some days you have be stern with yourself - others - just be kind to yourself. YOU know which days are which.

applepad

As a depression suffer I would say, do what you can.

Years ago a counsellor told me to tackle most important stuff 1st. So I take this to be food and washing.

Shop on line can be good, but hate putting loads of shopping away!
Keep bread and bag of oven chips in freezer, beans in cupboard, never starve then.
Some times walk to shop, get enough for a few days, when my mind is not too clear.

Do the washing, school and work clothes 1st, then put to dry, sometimes they get ironed, if you hang on back of chairs, do not always need it!

Aarons_mummy

Firstly you have made a huge achievement in telling your friends and family and admitting you need help by going to the doctors. It is a HUGE step to take and you have made that leap to try and get yourself better. I have suffered with both pre and post natal depression and my son is now 3 and a half, I have just finished a cognitive behavioural therapy course which was all computer based but in a psychology department and I found it really helped. There are many techniques and strategies I would be happy to spend time posting up (I have all the notes and printouts here I can put up) as previous people have said take note of every little thing you do. Getting the kids up and off to school/nursery after breakfast even if it is just cereal and a banana or a cereal bar is still an achievement, doesn't matter if it is the only thing you manage to do all day you done it and you should be proud of that.

Secondly on the good days you are being productive, I certainly think that if you feel having shopping delivered is the way to go then do it! I have anxiety and going to the supermarket is a huge deal for me and sometimes rather than face the fear it was easier to pay £3 delivery. Batch cooking and meal planning are a good idea when you can face it, if you can't well change the plans and have a home made ready meal. On my good days I tend to make things like homemade nuggets, fishcakes, wedges etc to stick in the freezer so it's just a case of throwing them in the oven.

Having healthy snacks in and preparing them for those days where you can't face doing anything are a good idea, I decant blueberries into tubs, slice strawberries etc so it's just a case of pulling them out of the fridge and save me handing my little one a packet of crisps instead.

Again on the good days could you bake? Make cakes, biscuits, banana loaves and freeze so that you have those readily available.

A big thing I found useful was setting time aside to do something that I enjoyed each day. Even if I didn't think I was going to enjoy it I still forced myself to do it and I always did find it as least a little enjoyable, it could be something as simple as a bath or it could be sewing/knitting/going for a walk, whatever you may enjoy.

Take baby steps, nothing will change magically overnight it won't but it will get better over time. After 8 weeks of CBT and many months of pills (which I eventually stopped as I didn't feel they were helping me in any way and it was the CBT that was making me see things differently instead) I now feel almost back to the 'regular' me. I think it's about accepting this new place you are in. You will get there and your children will not be any worse off for it in any which way.

If you have a blog try writing down your feelings, even if it just something private that only you can see, otherwise write it down in a notebook, post on here, talk to a friend about how you feel. Just getting it off your chest and having someone to 'listen' can make a huge difference.

The most important point is that you are not alone and there are people out there who are in the same boat but you are doing fine and in time it will get better and better and your children will love and respect you for getting the help you need now rather than trying to solve it alone which may work for some but it doesn't work like that for all.

Good Luck and remember you are not alone. Well done on taking the first step