Trying to be OS with a Chronic Health Condition

mummyroysof3

not got any advise im afraid but wanted to offer you my support, if there is anything i can do you know where i am x

Lizbetty

:grouphug:

Everyone else has pretty much said it. I tend to ride the lows and harness the energy on the ups. It sort of balances itself out most of the time, depending on how long the bad patch has lasted.

I think that when you're low, that feeling of being out of control with things is inevitable. God, it's horrible that happens when you feel bad anyway. It can spiral a bit and everything being in a mess makes me feel worse, then starts the cycle...

But, I try and just sit it out now, and look forward to that spurt of energy that does come that has me charging around swearing and purposefully chucking stuff in black bin bags and trying to get back to some sort of order! :rotfl: (Order is not us, I've discovered, mind you!)

Prozac is nothing to be ashamed of. It's flipping good stuff. It got me back on my feet, and although I'm off it now I wouldn't hesitate to go back onto it if I felt I'd dropped back too far, and I usually hate taking tablets!

I have two kids (5 and 6) and I know that in itself makes us harder on ourselves. But anyway. I just wanted to say everything will be ok.

Just a thought, but I sometimes find myself taking the complicated route when I'm low to make it up to everyone for me being depressed and unbalanced, like spending all day cooking fancy things and cleaning up every bit of dust. It makes absolutely no difference to anyone else, it always goes wrong, I usually end up feeling worse as I don't enjoy doing it and it's such an effort. I just feel I have to do it sometimes to show everyone how much I care and make up for myself. That's no fun. But when I'm on form, it is nice cooking all day for them. I'm starting to recognise that I do that. But it's sort of like whipping myself for being depressed, really, and doesn't help anyone a jot.

I'm not sure why I added that, but I am conscious I do that. I have a bad cold and so my train of thought is a bit rubbish!

I suppose I'm just trying to say the same of everyone else. I'm sure you're doing a grand job. Just don't be hard on yourself. I hope you start to feel better soon. That spark will come, I promise! xxx

Rosetta92

Still preparing for the recovery phase after my op. Got a lovely long handled (can be used standing up) dustpan and brush set for £4.49 in Poundstretcher. Its green - MSE shade - with white polka dots, nice and cheery looking. They also had pink and blue, but I chose green - that way no excuse for anyone to say its too girly for them to use :rotfl:

Also got loan of a grabby thing for picking stuff up. Its been suggested if I had two I could use them for putting socks on - not sure if this is better than a specific tool for socks? If anyone has experience of this I'd be interested. Its still too cold to be without socks up here :eek:

Hope you've all had a good start to the week. (((Hugs))) where needed.

Rosetta

Cat501

daska wrote: »

Don't, I'm in a constant state of anxiety about the ESA. Last year I had to do the forms in time for 5th January, no sign of them yet, and I keep expecting to go to the bank balance and find they've stopped it. I know times are hard, I accept that they should be dealing with the fraud even though it is minicule, and I know that in theory a simpler system will benefit everyone (except that the IDS hate machine is in charge so it won't) BUT...! Even the JC+ lady says she wishes they'd just give some of us some time off so we're not making ourselves worse with worrying.

I know what you mean, it just seems like a constant merry go round - it feels like I've only just had my last ATOS medical but I know I'll have another in a couple of months time

kittycatface

Good luck! I work in social care just wanted to reassure you you are by no means failing your kids. It sounds like you have set yourself very high standards which you were meeting, no one can be consistent every day even when they are well, but we see thousands of mums out there who struggle to give their children even one meal a day (many more than you would think can't even feed themselves more than a biscuit let alone their babies). You care, which is already the most important thing for your children, and you have gone to the doctor which is a brave step: even that takes time to build up the courage to do. Fluoxetine/prozac can take at least a couple of wks to kick in so you may find that in time you have more energy for OS stuff later down the line.

I don't know how old your kids are but is it worth making some of the chores/baking/cooking into a game? Say if they want to make muffins or something you could order in a mix from online, they could do that by just adding milk and eggs by themselves, then all you need to do is turn oven on, and you can freeze them and dole them out for rewards if one of them helps mummy by putting washing in basket, cleaning their rooms/bathroom etc. I know kids need to be kids but in my experience they also enjoy feeling helpful and will be learning life skills at same time, and hopefully benefitting from a slightly less stressed mummy: your low mood won't have gone unnoticed by them and you might see them feel better that the things they do around the house are making you feel a bit better: it's easy for others around you to want to help but not know how unless you make it explicit. You could organise it like a rota before you feel poorly and prioritise tasks so everyone knows what's expected of them, and then you can also feel as though you are still in control of your household: something that many of our mums find hard when a partner leaves or they become ill.

Also, what about friends/relatives/neighbours? Is there anyone or a group of people who could agree to bring round a meal for you and the kids once a week and you can agree to return the favour when you feel well, or pay for the ingredients? Do mention it to the GP if you are still finding it hard, they can refer you on to more family support, or school could keep the kids on later at after school clubs etc to give you more of a breather on difficult days.

Please please please don't underestimate love as a factor in your relationship with your children and the home you create. They are unlikely to turn round in ten years time and say mum why didn't you cook us home made scratch meals every night but they would certainly have noticed and behaved accordingly by now if they had a mum that didn't know how to care and love them.

Sorry if any of this seems patronising or is not relevant to your situation but as usual just wanted to add my two penny's worth. Will re post if I come up with anything more practical!

terra_ferma

I don't know if this will help anyone, but I've been using an electric all in one gadget called intellichef.
It has several programme rice, slow cooker, shallow fry, stew, steam.
It's very handy because you can use one pan to do all your cooking, and reduces washing up. For example you can fry/brown and then slow cook using the same pan (which is non-stick and very easy to clean).
Or you can steam fish, give it a good wipe and then cook some rice to go with it.
It has a timer and it will keep the food warm after it's cooked, so if you forget it it's not a problem.
Someone who finds it hard to keep up with children would have one less thing to worry about.
You could set everything up and let someone else look after it while you rest, it's less intimidating than having to look after a pan on the gas hob for people who are cooking-phobic .

The downside is that the pan is not easy to lift though, particularly when hot, it's very light by itself, but it has no handle.
You also need good dexterity to push the buttons.

Just though I'd mention it

Gingermillie

To follow on from a point earlier I know morrisons do a free kids meal with each adult meal brought on a week night. If you're more inclined towards online shopping I have some £10 off a £50 sainsburys on line shop if that would help? PM me if you'd like them.
Aside from that you're doing a stunning job. Everyones advice has been what I was going to say, but if you do have family or friends nearby who can chip in if you have a bad period and can't see how to get on top of it please call them. You can always return/pass on the favour when you're having an "up" time.
(hugs)
GM

laurel7172

Re guilt about needing drugs.

I had severe postnatal depression after my oldest was born, culminating in an emergency admission to the psych ward.

And I *still* refused to take drugs. My rationale was that the one thing I was doing right was breastfeeding and I *would not* (a) expose my child to antidepressants even though the consultant said it was safe (b) give up breastfeeding in order to take the drugs. I was so determined to avoid pills I signed the consent forms for electric shock treatment :eek: instead. Fortunately, that didn't happen-the thought of what it might have done to me abolutely terrifies me now

I still think I was right about (a). But (b) was insane. When I was expecting child no 2 I wrote a letter to myself and gave it to my best friend to keep in case I needed it. Essentially it said-Take the drugs. Your children need you.

Take the drugs guiltlessly. Your children need you. You're doing it for them xx

Mumof2_2

Hi, just wanted to say like others have said in that you must be kind to yourself - so what if you have what you call a lazy day (which it isn't). Just take each day at a time and do what you feel able to. Depression has such a stigma attached to it - if you had a broken arm people can see what's wrong but because the illness is in your head it's not visible to others.

Take your meds and don't feel guilty about it - I've been on mine since 2004 and no sign of coming off them yet. Do you have a good GP you can talk to? That's really important - you need someone you can open up to and not having to keep putting on a brave face for the children.

It sounds like you are doing fantastically well given the circumstances but 2 weeks is such a short time to be taking the drugs. I really find that a 30 minutes brisk walk helps me - my GP prescribes this for me as this increases the serotonin (the 'feel good' hormone) naturally.

A big help for me is to just write down the things I need to do but not feel guilty if I don't manage to do them - it's really important not to do that. I'm my own worst enemy and I know I would never speak to a friend the way I speak to myself!!!

Take care.

laurel7172

Also-a lot has been said about using the good days to compensate for the bad ones.

That's great, and it's what I do too, and a homemade meal from the freezer or bulbs/seedlings poking through on a bad day cheer me up like being given flowers.

But don't get so exhausted and guilty that you forget to have GOOD days. I mean really good, fun days. It's easy to fall into the trap of existing from one week to the next, mortgaging away the good days while struggling to catch up with impossible standards. Been there. Often.

Never forget that depression strikes intelligent, imaginative, creative people the hardest. Never feel guilty about indulging that side of you. You won't get better unless you do xx