is it bullying?

Googlewhacker

blossomhill wrote: »

As you say, yours is only a view Googlewhacker and hopefully the OP wll be up to taking some sensible constructive advice, maybe from us professionals

I'd be interested to see where you say you are a professional, nothing in this thread about your qualifications, nothing in your signature either...

epatolles

Googlewhacker wrote: »

Have you tried to engage them in conversation?

Sorry I'm on my phone so forgot to respond to every question. I try to talk to them. I came in and said good morning and they blanked me! I try to start conversations but it just seems they nod then go back to the others. I'm not some kind of sociopath however u spell it! I have lots of friends from all different age groups and backgrounds and even they are shocked that this is happening to me! I have been there about 9 month now

epatolles

ILW wrote: »

Could just go for a drink with your workmates occasionally. They most likely believe you do not like them.

It's been like this even when I tried going out with them! To be honest I DONT like them now and I don't think I could be blamed for it.

Please all bare in mind I'm not after taking my employers to court or causing trouble, just want to get advice and proof I'm not going mad.

Googlewacker - I have tried with them, I bring in sweets, I try to arrange things, I help with their arranging but they just don't give! I don't want to be their best mates... would maybe just like to not want to cry every minute I'm there!

EDIT I should be getting trained as outlined in my 121 but it seems my manager is too busy playing out with his new best friends....

Googlewhacker

epatolles wrote: »

Sorry I'm on my phone so forgot to respond to every question. I try to talk to them. I came in and said good morning and they blanked me! I try to start conversations but it just seems they nod then go back to the others. I'm not some kind of sociopath however u spell it! I have lots of friends from all different age groups and backgrounds and even they are shocked that this is happening to me! I have been there about 9 month now

If you really believe you have put the effort in into getting to know them then you do need to either act now to make changes or accept you need to move job.

I would suggest that the link Blossom has put is actually the route to take rather than getting signed of sick with 'work place stress' and for you to start proceeding things along the road to hopefully a better relationship. It does require you to be proactive though in doing this.

Is there a manager above your manager? Do you get on with anyone in the company? Can you talk to either of these?

And make sure you record everything down in writing in case you need it for later, if you write any emails about it etc then forward it onto your personal email.

Why not try again tomorrow and see how things are? It won't change like that overnight but you can start making inroads.

I'd be interested in peoples views on maybe taking some doughnuts into work or something as an ice breaker?

Googlewhacker

epatolles wrote: »

It's been like this even when I tried going out with them! To be honest I DONT like them now and I don't think I could be blamed for it.

Please all bare in mind I'm not after taking my employers to court or causing trouble, just want to get advice and proof I'm not going mad.

Googlewacker - I have tried with them, I bring in sweets, I try to arrange things, I help with their arranging but they just don't give! I don't want to be their best mates... would maybe just like to not want to cry every minute I'm there!

Then I take the lack of effort on your side back and apologise....if you have put the effort in then you need to start escalating things (but you need to be aware that until you have 12 months employment you have very little protection against dismissal and come April this is likely to go upto 2 years) but ultimately as you are already doing another job maybe the way to go.

Have you replaced a long serving member of staff or something?

Googlewhacker

Also, If you are looking for a new job you need to learn to be emotionally detached and see this job as a means to an end in terms of making money. If you are looking for another job then I would say you need to accept that this job is not for you, it is not your career, it is merely a stop gap on your way to that career.

You go in, head held high, do the work and leave bang on time and get your social interaction outside of work.

epatolles

Googlewhacker wrote: »

Also, If you are looking for a new job you need to learn to be emotionally detached and see this job as a means to an end in terms of making money. If you are looking for another job then I would say you need to accept that this job is not for you, it is not your career, it is merely a stop gap on your way to that career.

You go in, head held high, do the work and leave bang on time and get your social interaction outside of work.

We are all new - within months of each other! I do try and ignore it but I feel like I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine oh wait... then I breakdown.

I've been looking for another job for a while now but I do think leaving is my best route. I'm a really outgoing sociable person! I make friends all the time and speak to anyone, which I think is partly the reason I'm taking this so bad! I've honestly never met people like it and hope never to again!

Thank you all for your help. I'm going to look at that link tomorrow as my phone is making it go a bit funny (not at work though hehe) and I think recording incidents is a good idea! I already have some emails which I would consider rude and highly inappropriate saved.

hcb42

you will need to tackle it at some point, but keeping the emotion out of it - not easy i know.

THere is no requirement to socialise to be accepted, indeed many workplaces are full of people of different ages, I am old enough to be mother to some in my peer group/office, but we do have complete respect for each others as individuals - whereas ignoring others is petty and spiteful, and most people would be upset, there is nothing worse than going to work in an atmosphere.

jojo_2012_2

Googlewhacker wrote: »

I'd be interested in peoples views on maybe taking some doughnuts into work or something as an ice breaker?

I think that's a very good idea personally. Some people are shallow but when there's free cakes....well I'm anybody's.

TrickyWicky

epatolles wrote: »

the manager is part of the problem. it seems to stem from the fact i dont drink.

I've been in situations like this.. get their car registrations and when you know they're going out one night (and due in work the next morning) call the fuzz and tell them that you'd like to report a drink driver with their registration numbers. You'll soon find they don't like drinking either and suddenly you won't seem quite so bad to them. Of course that really is evil but it'll make you feel a lot better inside.

I've been in your situation.. a work place where people pretty much had a problem with me from week one. I wouldn't get in on their scams and that didn't go down well. Life was a misery and I had a lot of trash thrown at me, ended up off sick a few times etc. Eventually the two ring leaders got the sack one day after they got caught scamming the job :cool: It was too late to do me much good though, I'd be typecasted as the black sheep and despite the supervisors starting to see I was actually an honest grafter it was too late to make any difference with the big boss who continued to make life miserable.

Sometimes though it really is best to go into a room and bash it out. Get it all out, say exactly what you think and why you're so p*ss*d off etc. Be warned this isn't always nice as you'll hear plenty of stuff thrown back at you but thats what its all about - you both get your frustrations out, things get heated, sometimes a bit of shouting and then you work it out. I did this once with a boss who gave me the silent treatment for 3 weeks because he was so incapable of being supervisor. I went in and said "We really need to talk and sort this out don't we." Next thing I knew there was a ton of shouting (all unjustified) so I diplomatically pointed out everything that had happened that they had done to me and that if they were in my shoes they'd be the same. Next thing I knew another supervisor turned up also to have a go at me (travelled in from another site). Weird thing was he actually agreed with everything I said and backed off taking my local supervisor with him when they realised what they'd done to me. I pointed out that shouting at me wasn't constructive and that if they liked I could return it after everything they'd done to me. They declined :rotfl:

As long as you're not on probation (and that can be bloody hard in the workplace from hell) they can't really do anything about you telling them what you think. Don't bottle it up, let it out and then make it their problem instead of yours.

Also if you've got problems with a group of people you have two main strategies which are targetted on one person. Observe the group and determine the weakest of them. When you've figured out which one is your target catch them by themselves and speak to them. This is where you have to decide which of two strategies you want to take. Get their views and either go on the attack OR charm them over to your way of thinking. Attacking can back fire but if they refuse to play ball with the charm then it may be your only option. The charm tactic can really get to people though and can be far more powerful.