is it bullying?

dandelionclock30

Sounds like they are excluding you, best bet is to look for another job and get out of there asap.

Vejovis

maybe because you dont drink they have nothing to talk to you about, perhaps theyre talking about what happened at the pub etc

epatolles

Vejovis wrote: »

maybe because you dont drink they have nothing to talk to you about, perhaps theyre talking about what happened at the pub etc

no, it is everything, like work etc.

AliceBanned

The same is happening to me in my office. It has gone on for over three years. I have spoken to HR and they have been sympathetic and now I am having counselling. Do you have an occupational health doctor you could see? It is best to get it off your chest and talk to someone as this is very distressing. Even if they are not excluding you deliberately, it is painful. I felt like a leper at work today. I get on so well with people outside work, but work makes me feel like crap most days because most people make it obvious they don't like me - there are cliques in the office. Basically these sort of people have their own problems and are just not nice, but unfortunately they are around and some of us suffer. Needless to say the counselling doesn't always help and I have good days and bad. But I recommend you at least discuss how you are feeling with someone as that can help, even if you don't decide to label it "bullying". It sounds like stupidity to me, but then bullying is exactly that.:(

epatolles

AliceBanned wrote: »

The same is happening to me in my office. It has gone on for over three years. I have spoken to HR and they have been sympathetic and now I am having counselling. Do you have an occupational health doctor you could see? It is best to get it off your chest and talk to someone as this is very distressing. Even if they are not excluding you deliberately, it is painful. I felt like a leper at work today. I get on so well with people outside work, but work makes me feel like crap most days because most people make it obvious they don't like me - there are cliques in the office. Basically these sort of people have their own problems and are just not nice, but unfortunately they are around and some of us suffer. Needless to say the counselling doesn't always help and I have good days and bad. But I recommend you at least discuss how you are feeling with someone as that can help, even if you don't decide to label it "bullying". It sounds like stupidity to me, but then bullying is exactly that.:(

we don't have any occ health ppl afaik? im the same outside of work, i have loads of friends and have never had this problem ever before! i know that some ppl just dont click with you and know that not everyone will like me but they all hate me! they treat me like a freak because i dont roll around drunk infront of everyone! then i suffer at work as i get ignored and dont get the training i need. then i come home and im biting everyones heads off because im so down. i just feel like i cant cope anymore! im sat applying for jobs at the moment but im finding it so hard to sell myself when really the underlying message is PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GET ME OUT OF THERE!

martinthebandit

epatolles wrote: »

the manager is part of the problem. it seems to stem from the fact i dont drink.

If you don't have a chat with him and explain how you are feeling he won't know that he is part of the problem though.

emsywoo123

liggins wrote: »

infact there is another obvious example that i have missed...

someone at work calls me a name and i laugh it off as banter, however someone else witnesses this and feels it was inappropriate and thus reports it to hr = bullying (despite there not being a complaint by the apparent victim

Is it a derogatory term?

AliceBanned

epatolles wrote: »

we don't have any occ health ppl afaik? im the same outside of work, i have loads of friends and have never had this problem ever before! i know that some ppl just dont click with you and know that not everyone will like me but they all hate me! they treat me like a freak because i dont roll around drunk infront of everyone! then i suffer at work as i get ignored and dont get the training i need. then i come home and im biting everyones heads off because im so down. i just feel like i cant cope anymore! im sat applying for jobs at the moment but im finding it so hard to sell myself when really the underlying message is PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GET ME OUT OF THERE!

Is there a union? In a previous job I found the union very helpful and sympathetic. they could advise you. If you feel you are being bullied then you probably are. People use mechanisms such as excluding others nowadays because they have been told in induction etc that bullying behaviour is not tolerated. It is more subtle bullying; this is the only way people can get away with it. i know how painful and stressful it is to be singled out. I think if you start applying for new jobs and focusing out of there you may cope with it better, until you do actually get another job, so keep trying.

blossomhill_2

epatolles wrote: »

if everyone i work with in the team and my manager ignores me pretty much every day except for the odd "are you doing this piece of work" and they sit talking to each other - is this bullying? I've been told it is but I feel like I'm being stupid!

Yes, unfortunately it is negative behaviour towards you and can be classed as bullying as it can lead to workplace stress.

Your employer has a legal responsibility to prevent or deal with workplace stress - if your health or wellbeing begins to suffer because of it, make sure you discuss with your GP before it makes you ill, and if it does lead to absence get the reason for any absence recorded on the cert as "workplace stress" - this is v important as it then places a legal responsibility on your employer to solve it, (whereas a reason like "stress" or "depression" doesn't) - it is no longer your problem. This is a higher responsibility than your manager.

You will find good advice on the HSE pages at http://www.hse.gov.uk/stress/furtheradvice/bullyingindividuals.htm

Actually tackling the manager may be a step too far while you are already feeling undermined, so I would concentrate on asking for the training to do your job, and using any review to record that you have not been offered it.

It is a difficult situation for you, and you have my sympathy, but please don't look to yourself for the reasons; the people have a pack mentality and if it wasn't you not drinking it would be your haircut or someone else's lisp or the fact they looked like Cliff Richard - ie no logic to it

blossomhill_2

ohreally wrote: »

They may simply just not like you very much.

Is this behaviour a recent development?

Like or not should not come into it - they are a team and should behave as one, respecting individual differences, and the manager is a manager and should meet their managerial responsibilities or be held accountable.