How to tell someone their dog should be pts?

antw23uk

I 100% sympathise with the situation but what an incredibly selfish women .. sorry if that sounds harsh and trust me i have been in that situation but the animal comes first and this friend of yours is not putting the animal first and thats just cruel IMO

I think you have done all you can and hopefully she will be strong enough and selfless to make the decision soon.

I feel terrribly sad just reading your post and remembering when i had to make that decision for my wonderful and very missed border collie a few years ago. My neighbour and good friend has just had her cat pts and she couldnt make the decision and her husband! well he was working away and wouldnt make that decision so one night after he failed to stand up i took her to the vets with him to be pts. It was incredibly sad but as a friend and animal lover i had to practically make that decision for them and i do believe they were gratful for that final little push in the right direction.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Well, all I can say is that if owners listened to every person that said their pet should be put to sleep, there wouldn't be any animals left in the country.

One of mine has been suffering intolerably for the past 13 years, if you listened to my mother, the ex BF or the ex MIL.

Not because of one condition I am refusing to acknowledge - but once because she had a tiny hernia as a kitten, which popped back into place as the vet held her. (Mother said she was doomed to an agonising death within a week as a result).

Twice because she had a flea allergy 7 years ago. (the BF and my mother)

Twice because she had an overactive thyroid 6 years ago. (the BF - 'she's dying, can't you see that?' - as she demolished her medication in a ball of pate before running around pretending to be a kitten - and the MIL 'she's not got much time left, just a matter of days, now - how could you put her through an operation when you know it isn't going to give her anymore time' - after she had the thyroid lobe removed and was busy eating herself back up to fighting weight)

Once because she needed her teeth doing last year ('it's cruel to take the tartar off their teeth, let her go now and she won't suffer with her mouth anymore' - mother).

and the current one is because she has two cysts on her head that refill as soon as they are drained. ('She's suffering, it has to be malignant, she's in pain, you're cruel and selfish, how can you keep an animal alive with those ugly things on her?' - mother again).

Incidentally, each time, she had already been seen by the vet and confirmed as not suffering, just needing treatment for something. If she was suffering, it would have been done long ago. (Oh, and my mother was the one who kept her cat for 3 weeks with either a saddle thrombus or a broken spine, dragging himself around by his front legs before he died under a cupboard). I suppose they think they have to tell it like it is is, say it as they see it, or make sure everybody is as miserable as them, whichever it is.




Now, whilst I am not saying there is nothing wrong with the friend's dog, OP - if you've been on the receiving end of the Voice of Doom from people who seem to take delight in dire predictions of woe and sorrow (which are always wrong), you're probably not in the mood to have another person say it to you. Perhaps your friend has people in her life that have always done this, so is used to putting 'advice' out of the way, even though this time she agrees it is probably the right thing.


It's going to be hard on her, and the dog may well take matters out of her hands if she has left it for so long. Perhaps you could encourage her to make the appointment now for after Christmas? Or to have contingency plans for if it gets worse over the holiday period?

You can't nag, though. Otherwise, when it does happen, she can't talk you, as she'll think you'll just say 'well I told you it should have been dead months ago', for example. And she loses her best friend/family at the same time as losing you, too. All I can suggest is that if she asks you to look after the dog again, you refuse on the grounds that you don't want to be in the situation of having the animal die on you and that you cannot cope with dealing with a creature that is suffering.

Katiehound

Sadly anyone who has had pets has this decision to make.

Some long years ago I had a dog diagnosed with lymphoma, he saved all his energy for going out, so looked right as ninepence in the street. I decided to take him on holiday, to his favourite place and do the deed there. However, it was a very long journey. One of my friends very bravely told me that it wasn't right for him, let him go now. She was right and I drove all the way to Ireland in floods of tears having had him pts the day before.

Sadly 2 years ago I lost another dog to lymphoma. Much younger, and my lovliest dog ever both in nature and looks. But this time I bit the bullet and when friends said "She looks so well, she's running around" I answered , "well now is the time to let her go before she chokes to death."

I do not call the vet out, but I now have learned that you can stay there holding your pet whilst they have the injection and as they slip away.

At the time I was not pleased with what my friend said- but I later told her that she was right and I was being selfish, and i thanked her for having the courage to say it.

don't forget there's also the pet bereavement service run by The Blue Cross:
Help and support by telephone
Call the support line on 0800 096 6606 (UK only including northern Ireland). The support line is open from 8.30am - 8.30pm everyday. All calls are free and confidential from a landline. If calling from a mobile phone, some phone networks may charge. Support is provided by trained volunteers. The service does not offer a counselling service but is able to offer emotional support and information for pet owners who may be experiencing the loss of a pet.

jaqui59

flippin36 wrote: »

Well partial result. She sent me an email saying she would like a vet to come to the house, but she's going to wait until her partner comes home (but he works away so it won't be until the weekend!) She said she just couldn't go through with it.

She says she cant go through with it, but does she consider what her beloved pet is going through?

Sounds like she is more engrossed in what SHE is feeling.

Sorry if that sounds a bit hard, but ive also been through this exact scenario with a friend too.

rising_from_the_ashes

flippin36 wrote: »

she had deteriorated to a point where she had barely stood up for a couple of days. She's not even going out to the garden and is lying on towels being fed and watered could not even walk a few paces to sit by the lit fire.

OMG I'm sorry all and maybe things are still a bit raw for me .... but how on earth can anyone think this poor dog has any quality of life?

Having had an "oldie", I fully understand how they can be full of life when out and about and then sleep a lot etc but the above suggests this is constant.

Also, having looked after the dog whilst the owner was away the OP has seen whether the dog perks up / the quality of life she has.

Lying on towels bringing food and water to her ... being unable to go out and stretch her legs (even a little) - sorry but this is cruel IMHO.



Letting Ben go was the hardest thing I have ever done - it eats me up all the time but when the time comes we have to think of them and not us.

How is leaving it until Christmas going to make it better .... then it'll be after New Year, then another excuse and another .....

Person_one

jaqui59 wrote: »

She says she cant go through with it, but does she consider what her beloved pet is going through?

Sounds like she is more engrossed in what SHE is feeling.

Sorry if that sounds a bit hard, but ive also been through this exact scenario with a friend too.

A little more compassion for the friend might be nice.

Its easy to be sure you'd do the right thing in theory, in practice its a lot harder and everybody has different levels of strength and ability to cope. It seems like its just her and the dog, can imagine how unbearable it would be to come back to your empty house with bed there and the food bowl with nobody there to comfort you?

Maybe this is the first time she's been in this position, which makes it all the harder. In some ways its a more difficult situation than losing a human loved one as with that everything's out of your hands, you aren't the one giving the go ahead to end a life as they look up at you with trusting, loving eyes.

I'm not saying she's right, but I think accusations of cruelty and selfishness are very, very uncharitable. Thankfully the OP seems more sensitive.

flippin36

Jojo - your post was interesting and hit the nail on the head. Her parents have been nagging her for months about having the dog put down, to a point that she hardly speaks to them. Your last point was a bit worrying because they are (both) coming to visit over Christmas, so I was quite relieved when she said she was being pts (not in a mean way). Now I'm thinking it may drag on....she said earlier today when I emailed her that it might be the weekend when her partner is home, then, as a few emails passed between us she mentioned "in the next few weeks".

jaqui59, risingfromtheashes - I agree with you both.

Person_one

OP, please make sure you are there to comfort her after the dog is gone.

rising_from_the_ashes

Person_one wrote: »

It seems like its just her and the dog, can imagine how unbearable it would be to come back to your empty house with bed there and the food bowl with nobody there to comfort you?

Yes I can ..... I sit in the car in the drive for up to 1/2 an hour every time I come home, trying to pluck up the courage to come inside.:(

It's awful, horrible and the worst thing to go through but to let any animal suffer (whether in pain or with no quality of life) is cruel and selfish IMVHO.

Sorry if that sounds harsh ... maybe as I said things are still too raw for me but I have honestly always thought that when the time comes we owe it to them to let them have a dignified and peaceful (as possible) end - no matter how hard it is for us.


At least she has a partner who although away for work will be there sometimes ...... so she's not totally alone.

Person_one

rising_from_the_ashes wrote: »

Yes I can ..... I sit in the car in the drive for up to 1/2 an hour every time I come home, trying to pluck up the courage to come inside.:(

It's awful, horrible and the worst thing to go through but to let any animal suffer (whether in pain or with no quality of life) is cruel and selfish IMVHO.

Sorry if that sounds harsh ... maybe as I said things are still too raw for me but I have honestly always thought that when the time comes we owe it to them to let them have a dignified and peaceful (as possible) end - no matter how hard it is for us.


At least she has a partner who although away for work will be there sometimes ...... so she's not totally alone.

I know you've been through it recently, but not everybody has your strength. She's not doing the right thing but I don't believe for a second she actually wants the dog to suffer or doesn't care about its wellbeing.

I think when you live alone (I do too) you get used to handling things on your own, but when you live with other people you come to rely on their presence and it makes things like this harder when they aren't around. Also, her partner may want to see the dog one last time and say goodbye, if its only a couple of days and the dog isn't in pain, I can understand that.