How to tell someone their dog should be pts?

flippin36

Hello everyone. Advice needed please.

I have a close friend whose dog was diagnosed with a muscle wasting disease - the vet said she would eventually have to have her pts and would happen within a year. Well its been 2 years now and I really think she is well beyond the point of any quality of life.

We looked after her in the summer whilst my friend went on holiday - and tbh I was very upset at how much the dog had gone down hill, to a point I rang her on holiday to ask whether she wants me to take her to the vet . She could barely walk and was completely incontinent. We had to bring her water and food to her. She could barely make it to the garden so we would have to carry her out (very quick plod around and carried back in). My friend said this was normal, the medication has stopped working but the vet said as long as she plods around the garden she still has quality of life .
Friend was a bit upset we were suggesting pts - she has never had children and this dog is really everything to her .

Anyway I got a tearful call yesterday, she had made an appointment at the vets to have her pts because she had deteriorated to a point where she had barely stood up for a couple of days. She's not even going out to the garden and is lying on towels being fed and watered could not even walk a few paces to sit by the lit fire. She was very upset but I reassured her she was doing the best thing, I said I would visit to support her and would have happily gone with her (she wanted to do it on her own though). I said ring when its done, I felt relieved that she's finally come to her senses.

So this morning I got a text message saying she's changed her mind and has cancelled her appointment. She'll wait until after Christmas :eek:.

Can someone tell me how to handled this without upsetting her anymore than necessary or am I being an interfering bizzy body?

TIA

hethmar

Poor women and poor dog. There does come a time when it is a kindness to let the dog go. I think you need to speak to your friend and gently tell her that the dog wants peace now and it would be wrong to keep her going through Christmas with all the extra noise and movement.

I think your friend probably wants someone to tell her this and to take control of the situation - because I know how hard it is to say goodbye to a dog you love. And do have the vet to the house, please dont let her take the dog to the vet.

picklepick

I agree with Hethmar, it sounds like she isn't strong enough to make the decision by herself and needs someone to step in and hold her hand so to speak. Can you suggest that the vet comes to the house instead of taking the dog there? She may find that easier to deal with.
Good luck.

pulliptears

Without wishing to sound harsh, its none of your business really. My Sis In Law has a springer, aged 15 who's been quite sick for 12 months. When she came over to visit the dog was much like you describe, lethargic, not moving etc. Her back end was weak and SIL needed to lift her to get her in the garden etc. We were sat having a cup of tea and I mentioned to SIL that maybe it was time to let her go, at that moment there was a knock on the door and this dog who had been on deaths door suddenly charged out of her bed barking at the door like a pup. SIL told me that although she appeared exceptionally sick she had these bursts and did have a reasonable quality of life, enough to warrant her plodding on with the dog. Sadly her condition did deteriorate last week and she was pts.

What I'm trying to say is that unless you currently see this dog 24/7 you really don't know the full extent of it. The decision needs to come from your friend, if the dog isn't in pain (and though her quality of life may be poor I dont see a suggestion of her being in pain) then it really is up to your friend to decide and you just need to be there for her and support her.

scheming_gypsy

The problem is that she already knows the dog needs to be put to sleep but can't go through with it. She's just clinging on to the last moments she has till she can bring herself to do it.

krlyr

pulliptears wrote: »

Without wishing to sound harsh, its none of your business really.

You could argue the same about many problems a friend is going through, but part of a friendship is about making it your business.

As the poster above me says, your friend probably deep down knows it's time, but is struggling to make the decision. It's a lot easier to judge when you're an outsider looking in, it's tougher when it's your dog.

This link could be worth sending on to her - http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/how-to-decide-when-or-if-to-put-your-dog-to-sleep.html
If the dog is insured, many offer free bereavement hotlines which could be worth her calling for advice/a professional, caring-but-neutral view.

I always feel it's better to make the decision a week too early than a day too late - a dog does not know how long they have left to live, they just live day to day, so it would not know I've "stolen" a few days from its life, but would feel the pain if I left it a day too late.

flippin36

Pulliptears - please feel free to tell it how it is, I really need your opinions on whether I should interfer or not.

I could mention the vet coming to her home - thats a great idea. She (the dog) is very nervous at the vets and it might be what is holding her back. Thank you.

pulliptears

krlyr wrote: »

You could argue the same about many problems a friend is going through, but part of a friendship is about making it your business.

As the poster above me says, your friend probably deep down knows it's time, but is struggling to make the decision. It's a lot easier to judge when you're an outsider looking in, it's tougher when it's your dog

OP needs to support her friend, of that there is no doubt, but she simply cannot force her friend into making decisions or her friend wont be her friend for long.

flippin36

krylr - thank you for that link. I'll send it to her today with a "thought this might be of help", so it doesn't look like I'm telling her what to do.

pulliptears

flippin36 wrote: »

Pulliptears - please feel free to tell it how it is, I really need your opinions on whether I should interfer or not.

I could mention the vet coming to her home - thats a great idea idea. She (the dog) is very nervous at the vets and it might be what is holding her back. Thank you.

I hope I didn't sound harsh.

From my POV I also have a very sick dog. If you came to my home now and saw him curled up, covered in bald spots from operations and generally looking like he's on deaths door you could be forgiven for saying he should be pts. However, were you to stay for a few hours you would see that once he's recharged his batteries a little he will be out of his bed, jumping around tail wagging and wanting his dinner.

It's a hard call, and nobody really knows the dog and the extent of its problems fully other than it's owner. Don't get me wrong if I thought for a second Jack was in pain I'd have no hesitation in letting him go, but most people don't get to see the side of him we do, they just see a sick little dog. I think she will know for sure when the time comes, and when it does you will undoubtedly be there supporting her through it.

krlyr

pulliptears wrote: »

OP needs to support her friend, of that there is no doubt, but she simply cannot force her friend into making decisions or her friend wont be her friend for long.

Short of taking her friend's dog to the vet herself behind the friend's back, OP can't really force her, but she can help the friend make the difficult decision. I get you with the "dog looks worse than it is" thing, been there myself, but OP has spend time with the dog on a day-to-day basis so has a bit more 'inside knowledge' than Joe Bloggs seeing it on the street.