would this be unreasonable of me?

Marisco

mummyoftwomonkeys wrote: »

Hi just looking for peoples opinions. Cut a long story short I have 2 sons my M.I.L. for reasons best known to herself has hardly spent any time with my youngest and I don't believe she has bonded with him and him her, she used to spend a lot of time with my eldest when he was a baby and had him over to stay most weekends but has never had my youngest. We had words with her about this telling her how we felt but it all fell on deaf ears she said she can only have one child over at a time as 2 is to much of a handful, fine but she has never had youngest over night . She has since moved to a 2 bed bungalow from a 3 bed house and her and her husband (not my sons natural granddad) sleep in one room and her youngest son who is 32 sleeps with his g.f next door. At the end of our last visit she said after my eldest was talking to her "aww we will have to have HIM over to stay soon HE misses us" as I said earlier she only has 2 bedrooms would it be petty of me or ok to say should it come up again that I am not happy with the sleeping arrangements? my eldest is 4 soon to be 5 am I wrong to not be happy with my 4 year old sleeping on a put me up bed in with his nan? or would it seem like im being funny because she doesn't have my other son over to stay ? my youngest btw is almost 3

This is what stuck out to me!!! There is another thread somewhere about a MIL who won't tell where she's taking the grandkids, this thread reminds me of that!!!! Don't you people talk to each other? Ask her straight out why she won't have the youngest! All the wondering and angst and 20,000 pages of posts, when all that is required is a simple "is there any reason you won't have the youngest to stay over like you do with the eldest" See what she says and take it from there!:)

zzzLazyDaisy

Speaking as a grandmother, there is a really big difference between a child who is almost five, and a two year old. I had my eldest grandchild to stay from being a baby but not over night, then when the younger one came along I had the eldest to say over night to give her some 'one to one' and mum some time with the baby.

But I never had the younger one to stay until she was old enough to dress and feed herself. The reason was simply that I didn't have the energy for that level of looking after. I started having the little one when she was four, and then only one at a time because they bickered and squabbled from morning till night!

It was just the way it was. I didn't have the energy and their mum understood that.

Can you invite your mum round to yours for Sunday lunch occasionally so she can spend time with your little one without having to take full responsibility, which may be just too much for her?

Marisco

The thing is though Lazy, she won't know unless she asks!! I agree about the energy thing though, women have a menopause for a reason!!

Emmzi

On a really practical level is the 4 YO better at hygiene needs than the 3 YO? I have a fairly strict rule that I only babysit once they can wipe their own backsides consistently, life is too short to do that for other people's kids!!

Marisco

Emmzi wrote: »

On a really practical level is the 4 YO better at hygiene needs than the 3 YO? I have a fairly strict rule that I only babysit once they can wipe their own backsides consistently, life is too short to do that for other people's kids!!

What, even your own grandchildren?

Emmzi

Marisco wrote: »

What, even your own grandchildren?

Bit of an assumption that all grandparents will be able to cope with it - I'd ask! I haven't got kids myself but my mum always said she'd never do it again for me or my brother's - toilet training or no solo visits!

Marisco

Emmzi wrote: »

Bit of an assumption that all grandparents will be able to cope with it - I'd ask! I haven't got kids myself but my mum always said she'd never do it again for me or my brother's - toilet training or no solo visits!

Not really, the thread is about grandparents looking after grandchildren. Why could they not cope with it (assuming they are in good health that is) My mam couldn't have done it, but that was because she was riddled with arthritis and found it hard to grip anything. But I had one of my granddaughters nearly every weekend since she was a month old. Changing nappies is not something you forget how to do, especially the disposables, when you originally used the terries, disposables are a doddle!

Emmzi

My mum found it the worst part of child rearing and would have done anything to avoid it.

Newly_retired

As a grandparent I was like zzzLazyDaisy and I only had the older grandchild to stay, leaving the baby with his parents. But once he was 3 I felt I could cope with both of them together. As I live too far to make it happen very often it would not be easy to say I'll have him one weekend and her the next.
I don't think our grown up children should ever presume that we will oblige them with babysitting and sleepovers. It is a privilege - for us to have them, and for daughter to have some free time. It has to suit us, not just daughter.