would this be unreasonable of me?

krlyr

If you feel uncomfortable with the arrangements then that's all that matters really. If a dozen people post to say they find nothing wrong with it, it doesn't mean that they're right (or wrong), just that they feel differently to you. Parents have different views on what's acceptable when it comes to their children and it's your view that matters here.

pinkshoes

Can I just point out that a lot of grandparents will have the older of two siblings to stay so that they don't feel put out by the younger sibling, as often younger siblings take a lot of the attention away!

If she won't have the younger one to stay at all, then I wouldn't bother suggesting over night stays for either of them, as it would be unfair to show complete favouritism towards one child.

BitterAndTwisted

It's not sensible to use an excise for the older one not staying over. People often do have favourites and it's not wrong and can't he helped. What is wrong is making those feelings clear to the younger child. I think that's very unkind but hopefully the three year-old may not be old enough to have noticed yet.

I think you should be direct about how you feel about her openly favouring one child over the other. She may not realise how unkind and unfair her behaviour may appear to you.

Tigsteroonie

I'd suggest that the two boys"take turns" in going to stay with Granny. If she has the elder to stay, then next time a visit is suggested, you speak up and say that it's the younger son's turn. Make a bit exciting thing of it, for example when she next has the elder to stay, you turn to the younger and blatantly get excited for him about it being his turn next time.

Fizzpop

My mum used to do this with my eldest, she would have her but wouldnt have any of the others then tried to convince me she didnt have any favorites and they were all treated the same......

Now she sees them on a weekend and nobody stays over.

CAN1976

I agree with you psuhing the taking turns idea. Like you say you accept that she can only cope with one, but which one it is could alternate so bothy get grandparent time.

GobbledyGook

I wouldn't use it as an excuse. I would ask her outright if she intends to take the youngest overnight at any point because they are now at the age that they will notice and you are not happy with only one being allowed to stay with Granny.

I wouldn't have a problem with them being taken one at a time, it would be nice for two children to get individual time with their parents and grandparents, but wouldn't allow only one child to be welcome to stay.

Cat501

Just a thought - is it perhaps the fact that gran's husband isn't your childrens' biological grandparent which is bothering you, even subconsciously? My kids slept on a bed in my parents room until they were much older than 5.

As for the favouritism, I agree with others, I'd talk to her about it. It's not on imo:(

Kay_Peel

If your in-laws are anything like mine, then you might find that they 'reverse' their feelings towards the children.

My in-laws formed an extremely close bond with my eldest, their first grandchild. The next grandchild didn't get any attention because they were so enthralled by the toddler/pre-school child: she was far more interesting as she walked, talked, 'helped' and amused them. They always said things like: 'the baby needs his mother; he's more clingy than XXX (no, he wasn't); etc'. The best excuse was 'I don't think he likes us'. :eek:
I overlooked their favouritism because it seemed quite natural that they should prefer the more interesting and manageable child, who happened to be out of training pants and push-chairs.

All that changed when the eldest got to 6. Grandma and granddad were no longer the centre of her universe - she preferred to play with friends or do her own thing at the house. Suddenly and overnight, the little one became very interesting and lovable, while the eldest was given no further attention.

Hope that helps.

victory

The put up bed no probs but ask or tell whichever that if x child comes this week y will go next week, be firm, it cannot be x all the time and say that y misses being with nan etc if the excuse is that nan can only cope/feel confident to look after one at time then they alternate weekends/dates and everyone gets one ot one individual nan attention:D