would this be unreasonable of me?

mummyoftwomonkeys

Hi just looking for peoples opinions. Cut a long story short I have 2 sons my M.I.L. for reasons best known to herself has hardly spent any time with my youngest and I don't believe she has bonded with him and him her, she used to spend a lot of time with my eldest when he was a baby and had him over to stay most weekends but has never had my youngest. We had words with her about this telling her how we felt but it all fell on deaf ears she said she can only have one child over at a time as 2 is to much of a handful, fine but she has never had youngest over night . She has since moved to a 2 bed bungalow from a 3 bed house and her and her husband (not my sons natural granddad) sleep in one room and her youngest son who is 32 sleeps with his g.f next door. At the end of our last visit she said after my eldest was talking to her "aww we will have to have HIM over to stay soon HE misses us" as I said earlier she only has 2 bedrooms would it be petty of me or ok to say should it come up again that I am not happy with the sleeping arrangements? my eldest is 4 soon to be 5 am I wrong to not be happy with my 4 year old sleeping on a put me up bed in with his nan? or would it seem like im being funny because she doesn't have my other son over to stay ? my youngest btw is almost 3

merlot123

I don't understand why a 4 year can't sleep on a put me up bed in his grans room, I personally wouldn't find it a problem.

I also wouldn't ask/expect my Mother to mind two children under the age of 5, they are tiring and hard work, you are very lucky to have a Gran who does sleepovers.

How about asking Gran to take the youngest one time and leave the eldest one with you.

mummyoftwomonkeys

I don't think you understand my post - I don't mind the fact that she can only have 1 child at a time I never said I had a problem with that BUT she has NEVER had my youngest to stay and he is almost 3 years old, she asks if she can have my eldest to stay I don't ask her to have him.

[Deleted User]

My grandmother was the same, she'd have me to stay over .., on my own but never my younger brother. I remember it happening and I remember my mother talking about it (she didn't like it). Imagine my astonishment when my own mother did the same thing. She'd have my older son over to stay occasionally, take him on fabulous days out and my younger son would just be left at the door looking longingly at his brother.

I'm afraid I just couldn't stand it. I tried to bring it up with her but didn't manage to get anywhere.., so I started making excuses to avoid her coming round (we never have gotten on I'm afraid). Then we moved 150 miles away.., so no more trips out. I know that means my older son is deprived of his nan.., but there was a cost to the relationship for my younger son that I couldn't repair.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Simple. Say no. And I would tell her that you can't love one kid and not the other. It would be like her loving her youngest son and not your OH.



She might not see it that way, but at least if she knows how you feel (and most likely how your youngest will feel when he gets older if this continues), there's no pretence about it.



There's nothing wrong with a put up bed in itself, what is wrong is for her to only be a grandparent to one child.

dulcey

maybe your mil doesnt feel confident having your youngest to stay over that maybe she wont be able to cope as she hasnt had him over before. l just think its because she is very used to your older child and feels a bit weary of the younger in case he doesnt settle down to sleep or wants to go home or will be into everything. who knows. Also depending on her age. Maybe you or your OH could ask her politely if she has any worries or concerns

CH27

Have you tried talking to her about why she treats the two boys differently?

peachyprice

mummyoftwomonkeys wrote: »

would it be petty of me or ok to say should it come up again that I am not happy with the sleeping arrangements? my eldest is 4 soon to be 5 am I wrong to not be happy with my 4 year old sleeping on a put me up bed in with his nan? or would it seem like im being funny because she doesn't have my other son over to stay ? my youngest btw is almost 3

It would be very petty of you to use this as an excuse, there's absolutely nothing wrong with a 4/5 yo sleeping on a put up bed at all.

You need to tell her the truth, not make excuses. Tell he you're not happy with the way she treats your youngest and unless she's willing to treat them equally the eldest doesn't come either.

harrys_nan

I understand how you feel, my mil was a "boy" person and treated my son a lot better than my daughter,(never had them to stay over though). I wasn't having my children treated differently so stopped going to see her,she was ok with other girls in the family.
It hurts to see your children being treated differently

jaqui59

Is your youngest different in any way to your eldest ... My daughter e.g. was always quite a hyperactive child and to be honest, very hard work, whereas my son was a very quiet calm little chap, and a lot easier.

balletshoes

absolutely nothing wrong with a child being in a camp bed/ready bed etc for the night at grans.
You can't really use that as an excuse - what you and your OH need to do is re-iterate to your MIL that she's treating her grandchildren differently and thats not fair on either of them.