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Boosting self-esteem
Comments
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Good question and I honestly don't know. Probably because whilst it is pleasant, it will never be 'stunning'? Because being slim and with marathon training at the moment it can quickly look gaunt? Because after months of not sleeping properly I have huge bags under my eyes that even the thickest of make-up will never cover? Because years of being compared to my younger, prettier sister and bullied at school for my looks (I went to a very competitive all-girls school where if your face didn't fit, your life was made hell) have left deep scars that have never really healed properly and I don't know how to do it? Take your pick!!
But dont you see, its them that have burdened you with this, they have done this to you and you have allowed them to. 99.99 percent of women will never be 'stunning' mmm I wish lol, I'm 62, (in my head I'm still 25 lol) someone said something to me about my looks when i was 15 and it affected me for donkeys years till i confided to a friend and she said if you were ugly,the only reason he said that was in revenge because you wouldnt let himd do what he wanted, light bulb moment, yeh... 25 years down the line, his problem, I shrugged the guilt onto this morons shoulders, cant even remember his name, He wasnt that bonny anyway from what I remember. Look around you at other people, people watch for a bit in say a bus station.
but hey, life will be good if you allow it to be, your choice, i bet your a really bonnie lass lol, as my old nana used to say, now then
get your shoulders back and up and at em girl.
regards
and good luck
Anniemake the most of it, we are only here for the weekend.
and we will never, ever return.0 -
I know where you are coming from I will never get married cos the thought of photos fill me with dread - I avoid having my picture taken unless i'm drunk. I had years of being compared to 2 prettier sisters. I actually remember my little sister saying to me at school that she would get through life on her looks whereas I will have to work hard. I remember every negative comment anyone ever makes and forget all the positive ones. I wish there was a magic self confidence pill. I envy self confident people so much. I have tried so much to make myself feel better but I live my life on a constant downer. I try to keep it quiet most of the time because it seems so self absorbed. I had a really bad spell when I was about 20 and I refused to go out the house for a week as I thought I was too ugly. Now it has spread to other ares not just looks - eg. I turned down a promotion at work because I didn;t think I was good enough to do the job. If only self confidence came in pill form. Sorry I am not any help I just totally understand how you feel.0
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Honestly OP, most women have issues with the way they look. When I look in the mirror, I see a woman in my mid 30's who don't look the same as she did ten years ago! I think my a*ss is too chubby, and have bags under my eyes. My husband says women are not meant to be supermodel skinny, and says im a godess. Honestly though, I think he is mental, and really do not know what he is seeing.
If your boyfriend thinks you are georgeous, whats there to worry about?The opposite of what you know...is also true0 -
So what would you do? Ignore and try and press on? Try counselling again? Realise that I should count my blessings, be thankful for what I have and quit whining?
Feel free to tell me not to be so pathetic!!!
Yes, them!
A lot of people don't like how they look but most just get on with it. It isn't affecting your ability to get boyfriends who fancy you so you can't have a face like a bag of smashed crabs. It's just you that doesn't like how you look.
On Saturday go for a wander in to town and look at other people with their other halves and be honest when doing it. Don't walk round with a nice person head on but an honest one and you'll see hundreds of people who look like they were beaten with the ugly stick and have a 'partner' (I hate saying that word) who could do better. You'll see loads of ugly couples, just of good looking couples and loads of single stunners.
So just because you don't like the way you look it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it, it probably just means you don't fancy yourself....
Everybody hates something about themselves; i hate my real name even though people think it's lovely and different and ask which country it's from. I just think it's plain !!!!!!, I refuse to answer to it, can't bring myself to say it and tell people that my parents had drink and drug problems because it's less embarrassing than telling them that my parents actually liked the name.
Minnie isn't going to get married because she dreads the photos. I'm never getting married because they'd read my name out and when asked if I blah blah blah... I'd just ignore them.
and photos? like minnie, I only have mine taken when drunk because I look like a crayon eating psychopath on them all.
Don't forget, that most pictures you see of people are the pictures they decided they wanted to show. The crap ones have probably been deleted never to be seen.0 -
Gemma I have similar issues to yours. I'm not going into it all on here, no-one in 'real life' knows, only one completely trusted online friend knows about it.
I hate photos too. Mr tru put a pic of us meeting Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall onto Facebook. I was hot and flustered from queueing in the hot sun (me and the sun DO NOT get on, it makes me dizzy and I get headaches) to get a book signed and I had drunk far too much homemade cider, lol. I HATE that picture so I log into his FB and delete it, he keeps putting it back on. I hate my wedding pics, I didn't even bother choosing an album and deciding which pics should go in it - even though it was included in the price.
Listen to this (and read the words) at least once a day, it makes a massive difference to me - DON'T BE A DRAG, JUST BE A QUEENBulletproof0 -
Firstly, it's not trivial because it matters to you.
As you can see by the replies in this thread already, there's plenty of people with issues about themselves - and quite a few more who'd never openly admit it. There's also lots of people who have got over such a thing, but unfortunately, although people can help you along the way, in the end it's about your own belief.
Self help books, a personal mantra you repeat every morning in the mirror which might sound ridiculous but will help to get your belief going, the support of a partner, or friend, or just the desire to change things. Something will work, some wont, but it's worth a go yes?
One final thing. You trust your family, and your new man yes? Then when he says you look amazing, accept it & try and believe it - even if you only think at first that you look amazing to him. He might be biased, but it doesn't mean he isn't right0 -
I think we all have personal issues, and it takes a lot to get past what we think our own perfection should be. I was also bullied (fat, speccy, not the best hairstyles, no fashion sense etc) and it stuck.
My mum told me that for every bad thing you think about yourself, find something good. It's hard at first, but you get better at it. My examples:
My bum is too big. So I wear well-cut jeans and heels and wiggle it when I walk.
My hair was too thick and heavy. I got a shorter haircut that suited me.
I might have a bit of extra weight, but I have great skin covering it.
I have massive bags under my eyes, but I have beautiful almond-shaped dark blue eyes and the 'highlighter' pen I use lightens the circles and draws attention to the blue eyes.
It gets easier to think nice things. Mean people say mean things without thinking of the long-term repercussions, so reclaim your life from them. When you look in the mirror next, look past the flaws and find one nice thing about yourself. Smooth forehead. Good cheekbones. Nice shoulders. A twinkle in your eyes when you laugh - just one thing! Each day, look for it, and find something else to join it on the list whenever you feel able. If you try to focus on what you do like instead of what you don't, you'll see how beautiful you are without trying.
(I've even included I can throw up quietly when drunk and not wake my flatmate as a positive thing. I was hungover and the looks weren't going to get any praise....)
Some days, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps....
LB moment - March 2006. DFD - 1 June 2012!!! DEBT FREE!
May grocery challenge £45.61/£1200 -
At worst you are suffering with body dysmorphia. At best, you have low self-confidence. Both can be tackled. Go back to your GP and ask for some more counselling. No doubt you've tried (and failed) to gain perspective yourself. Time to ask for some professional help. If you don't manage to overcome this, you run the risk of damaging relationships with those who love you.
I have a desperately insecure friend. It's wearing for me to listen to her (real to her, ridiculous to everyone else) concerns about her looks. Imagine what it's like for her husband
Ironically it's often the prettiest women who suffer with this the most."Growth for growth's sake is the ideology of the cancer cell" - Edward Abbey.0 -
I agree with fluffnutter baove, if you struggle with "irrational" thoughts regarding your looks, you can work on those and others may be able to help you with that process.
In addition, another thing which may help is to take up volunteering with people who have been disfigured or have other big issues - may help you remind yourself to keep things in perspective, and to feel appreciated for what you do not how you look.0 -
scheming_gypsy wrote: »Yes, them!
A lot of people don't like how they look but most just get on with it. It isn't affecting your ability to get boyfriends who fancy you so you can't have a face like a bag of smashed crabs. It's just you that doesn't like how you look.
On Saturday go for a wander in to town and look at other people with their other halves and be honest when doing it. Don't walk round with a nice person head on but an honest one and you'll see hundreds of people who look like they were beaten with the ugly stick and have a 'partner' (I hate saying that word) who could do better. You'll see loads of ugly couples, just of good looking couples and loads of single stunners.
So just because you don't like the way you look it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it, it probably just means you don't fancy yourself....
Everybody hates something about themselves; i hate my real name even though people think it's lovely and different and ask which country it's from. I just think it's plain !!!!!!, I refuse to answer to it, can't bring myself to say it and tell people that my parents had drink and drug problems because it's less embarrassing than telling them that my parents actually liked the name.
Minnie isn't going to get married because she dreads the photos. I'm never getting married because they'd read my name out and when asked if I blah blah blah... I'd just ignore them.
and photos? like minnie, I only have mine taken when drunk because I look like a crayon eating psychopath on them all.
Don't forget, that most pictures you see of people are the pictures they decided they wanted to show. The crap ones have probably been deleted never to be seen.
i totally agree with you on this one, i often do that and quite often see a really unattractive person with a really good looking "partner"! the insecurities come from within yourself you just got learn to love yourself (not in the big headed way) also look in the mirror and make a list of everything you like about yourself, i.e nice colour eyes, small nose, clear skin, nice boobs etc etc etc and every morning when you wake and are about to put your make up on go through the list of what you like and spend 5 mins telling yourself the things you like about you. i bet if you wrote a list of all the good things you like about you your list would be bigger than you thought! try it!:)Raven. :grinheart:grinheart:grinheart0
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