Boosting self-esteem

GemmaB78

Firstly, can I apologise for what is seemingly a trivial matter but I could do with some impartial input.

The simple matter is that I hate the way I look. Pathetic I know for someone of my age who by now should be comfortable with who they are, but I'm not.

Don't get me wrong. It's not ever stopped me from doing anything. I've had a sucessful career to date, have great relationships with family, friends and have had a few relationships over the years. But I cannot get past this and it's frustrating the hell out of me. I have a new relationship with a man who, to put it bluntly, fancies the pants off me, and I can't understand why. I hate having my photo taken and will actively avoid it, as I will avoid looking in mirrors or any reflective surfaces! God help me if I ever get married: the way I feel at the moment, wedding photos could be a sticking point!

I've had counselling in the past and it's helped - but only temporarily and to a certain degree but the problem's never been fully resolved. Don't get me wrong: I make the most of myself. I dress smartly, make an effort with hair and make-up (though spend some days thinking what's the point?!). I just wish I could resolve this. I'm scared it's going to affect the new relationship in the same way it did with previous ones. The worst of it is, objectively, I know I'm not hideous. I have a pleasant face and a figure a lot of girls 10 years younger would kill for. But the subjective part of me hates the face that looks back at me.

So what would you do? Ignore and try and press on? Try counselling again? Realise that I should count my blessings, be thankful for what I have and quit whining?

Feel free to tell me not to be so pathetic!!!

dark^knight

Hi,

Just remember that looks are not the most important thing in the long run. Appreciate what you have got and make the most of it!

GemmaB78

I agree wholeheartedly dark^knight - I do try and make the most of myself and I am aware that I have a lot to be grateful for. I'd just like to be able to look at my reflection and feel comfortable with what I see instead of snarling at it as I don't like the face I see looking back at me.

dark^knight

Gemma,

There are lots of things people don't like about their lives. The reality check is that we only get one life, this is the only face and body we are going to get.

Can I ask why you don't like your face? Why don't you feel comfortable with it?

McKneff

I know Im not hideous, I have a pleasant face.

So what is it that you dont like, specifically.

raven83

I can sympahtise on this, i am the same, dispite many a time people saying i am pretty etc i just dont see it, i know i am not ugly but i also think that i am not comfortable within myself about my looks. I always looking at other people and wishing i had their colour eyes or nose or hair its sooooooooo frustrating!!!! When boyfriends in the past have complimented me or said they really fancy me i just feel so awkward and go all lost for words:o. On the same note though i often see people who are not as attractive as some other people yet they have so much confidence and i think its that that makes them so appealing, i just wish i had some of that :rotfl:

GemmaB78

Good question and I honestly don't know. Probably because whilst it is pleasant, it will never be 'stunning'? Because being slim and with marathon training at the moment it can quickly look gaunt? Because after months of not sleeping properly I have huge bags under my eyes that even the thickest of make-up will never cover? Because years of being compared to my younger, prettier sister and bullied at school for my looks (I went to a very competitive all-girls school where if your face didn't fit, your life was made hell) have left deep scars that have never really healed properly and I don't know how to do it? Take your pick!!

thefishdude

i thin you need to realise that looks arnt the be all and end all. you said yourself you bave been succesfull in everything else family career relationships etc. uet that is not enough for you, why ?? you need to find out why that iisnt enough. ask yourself would you swap everything you have had sucess wise just to have looked stunning??. what would stunning looks get you that you dont have now ???

HannahIOW

I can sympathise with you tbh.

Have you ever read anything on body dysmorphia? A possibility?

lollipopsarah

oh my love don't beat yourself up, *beauty* whatever that is isn't everything.
When you get to a certain age (haha can't remember when I reached it) it won't matter if you have a few laughter lines or grey hairs or bat wings, you are what you are and personality makes up for bucket loads of make up!!
We are all beautifull in different ways, we just don't see it ourselves.
I gave up worrying about it years ago and am much happier for it (hubby may not agree, but then he's a fat g*t anyway - groan!
xx

Cat501

sorry you are unhappy Gemma, I'd guess that the bullying at school has a LOT to do with it, the scars really don't go away! I was bullied for having a big nose and being generally ugly, and without a spare £5000 there's not much I can do about it but I wish I could! I also have the dark shadows under my eyes, but I even had them when I was a toddler so they're hereditary, nothing I can do there either!

So although I'm ALWAYS conscious of my nose, and think anyone I talk to is looking at it, I just have to think that really, I'm damned lucky - but it doesn't change how I feel about myself!

Can't really help you but ((hugs)) anyway! x