Family at Christmas - Is It Just Us?

Charliezoo

I've never enjoyed Xmas as an adult until 2 years ago when my DH and I decided to spend it together with no other family.

Both of our family's are very difficult and we used to split the day between the two of them to avoid arguements, even then both of our mother's would make pathetic comments as they both wrongly believed we were spending more time with either family and they even became quite competitive with 'who's mum did the best lunch' which would drive me mad! Unfortunately my mum and dad have been married for 50 + years and hate each other. My DH and I often sat there while the pair of them fought like cat and dog over dinner. My DH's massive, noisy family have all had massive fallings out at some point or another but pretend to all like each other on Xmas day and its so crazy in that tiny house that you can't relax at all.

So a couple of years ago after a particularly tough year I decided to say I had been asked to work away and my DH was coming with me (I have a job where that is plausable). We both felt terrible for lying but badly needed some time together after the year we'd had. We bought all our own lovely food and had so much fun cooking Xmas lunch, getting tipsy and watching telly snuggled up together. Those have been the best Xmas's we have ever had.

We always visit the families between Xmas and New Year and we are so much more relaxed and happy having just had a lovely day together on our own and able to give our full attention to our families as we weren't feeling so stressed out. We end up having a lovely extended Christmas which we both really enjoy and actually look forward to seeing our relatives.

I know lots of people will say how bad we are for lying to our families but tbh we were sick of trying to keep everyone happy, it became more about that then anything else and we were both tired of it. Xmas day was becoming so stressful that it was causing arguements between the two of us so it just wasn't healthy and we decided to do what we wanted for once.

My advice would be for you to think about yourselves and do what you want to do.

moments_of_sanity

I don't think it is being selfish but I do think you have to make the most of family, especially at Christmas.

I lost my Mum 8 years ago when I was 32 and DH lost is Dad when DH was 24 and lost his Mum last year (making DH 46). DH's parents were only children so there aren't any aunts, uncles, cousins etc on his side and I have one uncle and aunt and my DB who is disabled and has learning difficulties.

This year me, DH & DD's are going away to Centreparcs, don't get me wrong I am really looking forward to being away and spending quality time with them but I would give anything to have a Christmas with those we have lost.

elliemoo

You should do as you feel most happy with. We, that is me DH, DD and 2DS stay at home and don't go anywhere Christmas day. We have Christmas dinner but in our own time and the kids enjoy their pressies for the whole day, nice food and few glasses of vino, rubbush tv and don't go out, this is the ideal break for us.

DCFC79

I dont think your selfish at all, your entitled to spend it as you wishand if you want to spend the time by yourself then enjoy it.

Hillbilly1

I would truly recommend a couples Christmas!

You spend less, enjoy more and can see family the rest of the year!

Granted the first year is the hardest as people find it hard to accept, MIL found it hard for 5 years, with her 2 week before Christmas call to ask us down!

OH is keen for us to have our own traditions, and we don't have/want children, we just want the day for us (and the pets)!

jakes-mum

When DH and I were pre own home and pre children we used to up sticks every christmas and go abroad for the entire christmas period (complete with fibre optic tree and all our presents :eek:)

When We had DS, we did the 3 days at MIL's, woke up christmas morning, huge rushed present opening then drove the 200 miles back to my mothers for Christmas day lunch :eek: the whole day was so rushed and tiring we swore never to do it again and we havent. We would go to MIL's either pre christmas or post christmas for a few days and christmas day, my sisters and I play pass the parcel with my parents :rotfl:

It will work that mum & dad will come to mine christmas day, eldest sisters boxing day, down to middle sisters day after for a few days. Next year its eldest christmas day, middle boxing day for a few days, we see them whenever (we only live round the corner), 3rd year is christmas eve at eldest, christmas day onwards at middle sisters, we see them whenever. So we get 2 christmas' out of 3 on our own

Oh plus we like to play pot luck on will the christmas day kid go to mums or mum go to theirs :rotfl: This year is my year for christmas day which we are doing at mums, MIL is coming down this weekend for a few days which will be the christmas visit (im oo poorly to get there anymore )

SO my long winded answer is, its not selfish, at some point your immediate family is no longer your parents and as long as they are not alone there is no reason why you shouldnt spend it together, its only 1 day theres another 364 of them you can spend with other people . . . . thats alot less stressful!

Johnny_Barnes10

Nothing wrong with wanting Christas just the 2 of you, but don't be surprised if his Mum kicks off her missing her birthday. If they're close there's no excuse for him not to visit her then.

Hollie84

We desend on my sister xmas eve where all the family exchange gifts and my sister does a big pot of stew,xmas day is just the 4 of us,we dont leave the house and boxing day is usually the same apart from last year when my sister did a spread so we went there

Possession

People should respect your wishes, whatever they are. However, as a parent I'd be a bit hurt if my children didn't want to see me over Christmas - not necessarily xmas day itself, but over the xmas period. I probably wouldn't say so, but I couldn't help feeling hurt about it. So perhaps bear in mind they might be feeling that way.

pinklady21

Do what will make you both happy - and if that is a quiet "couple's christmas" then go for it. It really is up to you!

Just make sure that there are no surprises for any of (both sets of)your rellys that may have other expectations.

They are grown ups and will get over any upset, if indeed they are upset in the first place.

Personally, I love a quiet Christmas with my other half, chilled out and a whole lot less stressful than having to manage a multitude of rather weird relatives.....

Happy Christmas!